To think this is extremely odd thinking of my chum? Cheeky fucker alert.

They are self employed subcontractors registered with HMRC under the CIS scheme, my brother has a commercial tiling company and there’s a shortage of good contractors, we have used many overseas contractors. They are very well paid.

Of course it's cheeky! Her adult children have moved out but still think they can gatekeep their old room's so her solution is to have these two 'strangers' live with OP's daughters!

This

Because her daughters are there?!

I think it's fucking rude to even ask personally.

Because OPs two daughters ARE living in the property....

I don't think it's ok to ask this of you at all OP and I'd consider anybody who thought it was reasonable to ask to compromise my 2 DD's not really a friend. I don't buy into drama but I'd be questioning the values of this person and their opinion of me tbh

This.

The bathrooms are worth doing, the rest is not.

She was unreasonable to ask, doesn’t want them in her house but happily have them in yours !

Yep. Really really angry is the word. I spent years talking about it on Mn actually and received great advice which mostly rattled around in my brain for a further few years. But it took the last straw and then me having a major foot stomping shit fit.

Life's loads better now tbh.

It's also why I am drawn to threads where people are people pleasers and I don't want them to go through what I did!

People pleasers IME (IRL and on MN) tend to be gentle people who want to make life better for others. Maybe with a hefty dollop of self esteem issues (which is it for me- worried people won't like me or want to be my friend unless I was their doormat). The takers of this world have the sixth sense of a cocaine sniffing police dog and they can rootle out people like us in seconds. I am getting better at boundaries and just hope that I can pass on my thoughts which might help- even if it takes years like it did for me!

@HappySheldon but I'm guessing you had to get really angry before you took this measure? And probably months of frustration before you reached that point. People who take advantage of people pleasers are the real problem because they know the other person is a people pleaser. This is why they ask, they don't ask others. In many ways its such a lovely generous quality to have and eventually over time it gets overturned because people take the piss. It's a shame really.

I was going to say much the same. The “harm in asking” is that you potentially put someone in a position of doing something that they don’t want to do because they don’t want/feel unable to say no to you. There’s a thread on here every week along these lines! Some people aren’t assertive and they are people pleasers and they find it hard to say “no”, even to a pretty brazen request. I am a bit of a cynic; I think a lot of cheeky people deliberately target people on this basis as they think they won’t say “no”. So I think your neighbour was unreasonable - why they hell would you want something in your house that they don’t want in theirs? Fair enough to ask in general terms - “do you think there might be anyone in the village who would like some lodgers for extra cash?”. But they’ve put you in a position of having to say “no” and potentially feel like you’re being “difficult”.

So her and her children don’t want strangers in their home and bedrooms yet she thinks you will?!

It’s an absolute insane ask and even more so with your two daughters living in the home alone during that period.

Also I think they are foolish to be doing all this home office, steam room/sauna crap. It will potentially make their home harder to sell rather than add value But that’s a whole other issue.

Your friend is an unbelievably CF for asking you!

So she doesn't want the hassle but she thinks you would?!

Naaaah. Feck that.

What are her adult children going to do when the house is sold and their childhood bedrooms are gone.

Your friend needs to either let the lads stay at hers or pay for digs.

Yanbu and she's ridiculous to ask.

I agree with this. Yes she was completely unreasonable to ask and put you on the spot t like that.

So she doesn’t want the builders in the house with her kids because of the inconvenience but fine for random men to stay with your daughters? I would have been really angry with her for asking.

So basically there unpayed/uninsured workers brought over for profitable jobs & are returning when work drys up ?

Get to fuck they'll be staying at your house & also I would heavily look down at my "chum" for employing a company that uses (abuses really) they sort of workers

given that she is a CF..
I'd make sure you tell your DC who are living there when you are not of her "offer" which you have refused.
In case your DC get a call from her saying its a complete emergency, could they possibly stay for a few days and she's spoken to you about it... so that you've briefed them to say a firm no.

A) it's ridiculous
B) surely the fact that the men are "lodging where they work" is either built into the price or a bad sign of un/under paid workers doing the bulk of the work - like how is that even legal & what are the health implications as builders are already a high risk group for lung problems working around material dust ?

Yes this. I was a people pleaser for decades. We live in a tourist area and would have people call us up round about May on the pretence of 'catching up' but really asking us if they could use our place as a base while they enjoy everything the locale has to offer. Never hear from these people at other times of the year. DH is the same- a naturally generous host.

In 2023 we had the entire summer holidays with guests - in total nearly 28 people came through our doors for nearly 9 weeks without a break.

So I ordered two skips and emptied the guest rooms of beds and turned them into a play room and a mini library. Drastic but effective.

Truth is we should have just said 'No' before it got to that. Our fault entirely.

Her FIL's firm should be providing accomodation for their workers like any other firm does.

I think its cheeky to ask. Ridiculous actually. I don't agree with the 'there's no harm in asking' narrative. Many people especially natural people pleasers find it hard to say no or feel guilty afterwards. It's extremely uncomfortable.

Nah she's wanting it on the cheap and thinks you are the mug who is going to lump all the inconvenience and not to say- potential risk.

Screw that.