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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think we shouldn't use the word "naughty" with a 2 year old?

114 replies

gollyimholly · 23/03/2025 02:58

DD has just turned 2. DH describes her as naughty and has done for almost a year. He will tell her to stop being naughty or say something like "why are you so naughty?", "DDname is a naughty a girl".

Before having DD I read that you shouldn't call children naughty because using such a label can make you subconsciously interpret their behaviour and perceive what they're doing as naughty even if it is something that is just a developmental behaviour. And also the child might then act up to their label. I can relate to this because when I was younger I would get called dopey or a clown a lot by family and then I would feel like I needed to be a bit silly or dumb.

That said when I first learnt you shouldn't call a child "naughty" I also did think something along the lines of "ugh, what can we say, it feels like everything isn't allowed, or everything is too harsh". However, now I have DD I think I am more empathetic and understand better what the intention behind avoiding using labels such as naughty is.

AIBU to think DH is wrong to use the word naughty? I am very happy to be corrected as it would solve the problem for me.

OP posts:
Original poster
gollyimholly · 23/03/2025 04:13

sellotapechicken · 23/03/2025 04:13

Go speak to a teacher of secondary school students and ask them how the children who are never called naughty are doing at 15. Maybe watch adolescence

Sounds ominous

OP posts:
sellotapechicken · 23/03/2025 04:13

Go speak to a teacher of secondary school students and ask them how the children who are never called naughty are doing at 15. Maybe watch adolescence

Original poster
gollyimholly · 23/03/2025 04:09

sellotapechicken · 23/03/2025 04:07

Do you also have difficulty saying no and don’t hit and use ‘kind hands’

I say no.
I say don't hit.
And I do say to use kind hands.

It isn't that I have difficulty saying the word naughty - I'd used it aplenty until I read I shouldn't.

Before having DD, I wasn't the most maternal of people and felt nervous I may not "get it right" so I tend to read a lot (by paediatricians/medical experts) on how I should be doing things.

OP posts:
sellotapechicken · 23/03/2025 04:07

Do you also have difficulty saying no and don’t hit and use ‘kind hands’

Differentstarts · 23/03/2025 04:07

Leafy74 · 23/03/2025 04:02

I have been a primary school teacher for 27 years. I have always been told you can never call a child naughty. It's been a fundamental principle that it is not the child that is bad it is to behavior that is bad. It has been a total disaster and standards of behavior have plummeted in the last 27 years.

Their children they're learning boundaries and what's right and wrong their not bad or naughty and if you think this you really shouldn't be working with them.

Original poster
gollyimholly · 23/03/2025 04:04

Leafy74 · 23/03/2025 04:02

I have been a primary school teacher for 27 years. I have always been told you can never call a child naughty. It's been a fundamental principle that it is not the child that is bad it is to behavior that is bad. It has been a total disaster and standards of behavior have plummeted in the last 27 years.

What has been a total disaster? To not be able to call a child naughty?

OP posts:
Leafy74 · 23/03/2025 04:02

I have been a primary school teacher for 27 years. I have always been told you can never call a child naughty. It's been a fundamental principle that it is not the child that is bad it is to behavior that is bad. It has been a total disaster and standards of behavior have plummeted in the last 27 years.

Original poster
gollyimholly · 23/03/2025 04:02

Thank you everyone, that's very helpful x

OP posts:
Differentstarts · 23/03/2025 04:01

Exactly what others have said the behaviour is naughty not her. So for e.g. she throws a toy you wouldn't say you're naughty, you would say throwing toys is naughty. It's not just the word naughty it's most negative words like if she bites someone don't tell her she's unkind say biting is unkind

steff13 · 23/03/2025 03:56

I agree with PP; you say the behavior is naughty, not the child.

marsaline · 23/03/2025 03:52

As pp says you say the behaviour is naughty not the person.

Fred that was very naughty behaviour. We don’t rip books, we look after them. Mummy is very disappointed that you did that and I don’t want you ever to do it again.

Rather than

Fred you are very naughty

Original poster
gollyimholly · 23/03/2025 03:44

Guavafish1 · 23/03/2025 03:20

What should you use instead?

I don't know.

If DD does something she isn't supposed to do, I remove her from that activity eg. ripping pages of a book, I will take the book off her and tell her it is wrong. This isn't something I came up with though - I googled what would be the best way to respond when a toddler does something like that and that is supposed to be an effective way in which they understand that something is wrong.

OP posts:
Guavafish1 · 23/03/2025 03:20

What should you use instead?

jellyfishperiwinkle · 23/03/2025 03:04

He should say the behaviour is naughty not her. There should also be lots of praise when she is getting it right.

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