To think we shouldn't use the word "naughty" with a 2 year old?

I feel like we (society, parents) forget that kids do not intrinsically understand what societies expectations are and why we do and do not do things.

ie - why is it not good/acceptable to rip pages out of a book?

I always focus on explaining why things are wrong to my kids, as otherwise why would they be expected to listen to what I say is right?

Very occasionally I have to resort to: “ [that naughty behaviour] makes mummy/daddy unhappy.” But if I can’t explain why then am I really just enforcing my preference on my kids, rather than good behaviour…?

As pp has said you're supposed to label the behaviour not the child.

But, IMO, unless a child is being constantly berated and called names I don't think it makes a blind bit of difference to a child if they're called naughty when they are being naughty.

The key is that it's not all the time, and it's balanced with love and praise. Being told off when you're doing something you shouldn't is a normal, natural consequence.

I don't think anyone is in therapy because they were told they were naughty when they ripped a colouring book at 3, or pulled another child's hair or whatever.

On the other hand, a child who, in their day to day, is told they are naughty over and over (even for minor things, or even for just existing) and other negative put-downs is going to likely be impacted by these words because they are disproportional and constant.

If you DH falls into the latter, then I would be concerned.

If he just tells DD off when she's doing something wrong but is kind and loving the rest of the time then I think policing words like naughty is OTT and unnecessary.

I don't think I'm the perfect parent who everyone else should be copying, just giving an example of what we sometimes say to our toddler rather than "that's naughty".

In my experience ' we don't rip books, we look after them' is enough. No need for the emotional blackmail either side. If Fred is two do they even understand that you can't rip books already? Is it really ok for mummy to be that disappointed? It's just a book. We went through a phase of it with both kids when little and exploring I did my best to protect the books and we moved on out of it. It's normal behaviour for a small child exploring their environment. No need for me to make such a big deal of it by saying mummy is disappointed or this was naughty or never do it again.

I've always wondered if a child who has been caught out notices the difference between labelling the behaviour or them and feels any difference.
I'm sure I wouldn't have.

I suspect it was initially aimed at bad parenting where a parent is constantly negative towards their dc and aimed as much at changing their mindset towards the DC.

…and then you find an old magazine or newspaper to rip up, because ripping paper up is what Fred wants to do now and he is gaining experience of how paper behaves and the nice noise it makes when ripped.

Could you explain the ‘No thank you’ bit of that? Surely that expression is used to refuse a gift or an offer of help? Which is not appropriate to a toddler ripping up books. Why not just say ‘No’?

It’s perfectly possible to parent with firm boundaries without using the word naughty. I’d say it’s more the children who never hear the word ‘no’ and whose parents defend their unacceptable behaviour at all costs that are causing the issues in schools.

I never call my kids naughty. It's not in my parenting vocabulary. They are very well behaved and we have no issues with boundaries. Relatives who I know would have no issues using the word 'naughty' comment all the time on how 'good' they are. That's not a word I use either as I just don't think that you can or should label a child in that way. If there re issues with their behaviour they are usually struggling with their environment or their level of development in terms of unrealistic expectations or tiredness. Sometimes they have a hard time regulating their emotions, as all kids do. Naughty is a negative label and negative labels become self fulfilling prophecies even if it's only applied to behaviour. Much better to empathise with the child calmly while setting clear boundaries about what behaviour is and isn't acceptable.

I don't think 'naughty' is specific enough for young children.
It can have too many meanings. Much better to describe the unwanted behaviour so they are clear about what is acceptable or not.
It's like 'be good' - what exactly does that mean????

I called my daughter naughty when she was (not listening, ignoring , doing things she should not have knowingly) she is now at uni and doing well. It’s not going to hurt , your child will see and hear far worst as they get older. Accountability is important as children grow up.

You can generally use misbehave. But also separate the behaviour from her identity. She is misbehaving, not listening, etc etc but she isn’t a naughty person.
stop associating it as a character trait.

I have said in the past something like ‘that’s a mean thing to do, and you’re not a mean person’, so calling what they’ve done ‘naughty’ but saying I don’t think that’s who they are. So kind of the opposite to what you’re describing but not avoiding using the words.

Do you really think a 2 year will understand the difference?

I would say this. It's a boundary.
Choices are good when I am happy with either alternative.

Agree its the behavior not her. So you need you change how you frame it. You'll find you stop using the word naughty as it doesn't apply.

Always explain the behavior is naughty. Otherwise it's meaningless.

First post nailed it.

I tell my daughter every day that she IS kind. But if she does something that is unkind I label the behaviour for what it is "that was an unkind thing to do." Children need to know the difference between right and wrong. So tell them.

I have been hearing this for years and I would really like to know what the evidence is that it makes a jot of difference. No child I know distinguishes in their heads between the two things, and I don’t think most adults do either.

"Stop!" Remove the book. "We don't rip books, we look at them"

I like the term "choices" , followed with why at this age. So if she is doing something "naughty" for example ripping a book...I would say " Stop (probably hold the book still whilst I talk as i would hate my books to get ripped!) books are for reading. It's a bad choice to rip books , If you rip the book we can't read it, " If negative behaviour doesnt change, i would take the book away explaining why...if behaviour changes. "What a good choice to look at the book carefully, we can read it together". It doesn't give too much attention and encourages thinking of their actions. Its exhausting and i used to cringe and how cheesy it sounds when we started this in nursery years ago... but now it makes perfect sense, we all have 2 choices in life and young children are learning. Your right naughty is very dated, I remember the newspaper article about it up on the wall about it at my workplace in 2000 ....does nothing for their self esteem, and labels them.

I have a 2 year old and I had thought at this age they don't have the brain development to think "I will be naughty today", or understand what you mean if you say "that's naughty". They do things as it just occurs to them that they can, ie throwing a toy, and to see our reaction. We react appropriately "no thank you it's not nice to do that, let's put that away and read this story instead".
I would be annoyed if my DH kept saying "you're naughty DC" without doing anything else to help with modelling positive behaviour. That's a bit lazy.

Some children are naughty. Making excuses makes the behaviour worse.

It’s not the word - bad, wrong, naughty etc.., - they’re all interchangeable. It’s the context they’re used in and redirecting the activity so they understand. If DD is ripping pages out of books then sit down and read with them, explaining that if there we pages ripped out you couldn’t do that.
The fact is some behaviour is bad or naughty, so it’s unavoidable. But as others have said, don’t say DD is naughty.

What on earth has watching Adolescence got to do this this?

You must use the word but use it in the right way