To think we shouldn't use the word "naughty" with a 2 year old?

FFS 🙄

I don’t think I have ever used the word naughty in relation to my children. Not even in relation to their behaviour. They are not psychotic Andrew Taters. They are two of the nicest children in their school. You can have boundaries and well behaved children without calling them naughty.

The damage is using a negative child to describe the child. They are hearing their parents (the main source of security & comfort and where they get feedback on how to behave in the world) say they are a bad person. They are naughty. They are lazy. They are fat. They are stupid. They’re useless. They’re disappointing. They’re unlovable. They are not wanted.

You get your sense of worth from your parents. If your parents tell you you are bad, you’re going to believe it. Children completely accept their parents. They love them unconditionally. Parents are responsible for creating the blueprint for all the relationships your child will have when they’re adults. If they are brought up feeling they’re a disappointment then they may equate being in a loving relationship with being put down. We learn how to give and receive love from the relationships we have with our parents.

With children, they don’t always hear the exact words you say but can take a different meaning eg “I love you, but sometimes I get really frustrated when you XYZ”. They hear “I don’t love you all the time because you’re not nice”. Or if they’re complaining about something (and this is one I had to train myself out of!) “I don’t care who started it, it’s done” they will hear “I don’t care about you”. It’s like when you’ve got a toddler and you tell them not to touch something or not to climb on something, they never hear the “don’t”.

What you’re doing with specifically telling her what isn’t allowed is the best way to deal with it. “You’re naughty” is too specific for her to actually learn anything from. It doesn’t actually teach her how to behave, just that she’s something that isn’t wanted. Being negative the whole time really sucks.

The amount of knife crime and teenagers stabbing each other would indicate something isn't working with regards to worrying about consequences and behaviour.

I think guidance is best at this age, no is useful in certain situations. We allowed the children to empty the cupboard and wander around. No stair gates, locks or plates for covering electrical sockets.

can I add "stop!" to that.
I'm a childminder and I always drum this into them.
A loud "stop" and they stop immediately.
No names. no pleases or explanation; just "stop".
I practise it randomly when we're out and about

I’ve gone for lots of love, firm boundaries and trying to make my kids resilient and accountable.

They are kind, hard working, brilliant and self sufficient now they’re older. We have a great relationship.

I did say they were naughty when they were naughty. I notice my younger siblings have been told never to say this with their children and I honestly find it quite odd.

Reminds me of the guy who posts different types of parenting from different generations. Guess which one is quick, straight to the point and probably got the result. (Hint it’s not bad choices, it’s not you it’s the behaviour or unkind hands)

I think "no" is probably the most important word to teach your child. That and "I love you."

I think there’s a real danger of overthinking this.

I don’t see any problem with saying “stop being naughty” so long as it’s clear, or you are able to make it clear, what it is that’s naughty that they need to stop.

Labelling the behaviour as naughty rather than the child risks the child not realising that they have done something wrong. If your child needs food you don’t say to them “that is hungry behaviour”!

So I think “you are being naughty” is fine in the moment, just as “you are being loud”, “you are hungry”, “you are funny”, “you are poorly”. No behaviour is permanent, all are fine to label in the moment.

Ughhh no. My neighbour is like this with her child. He's never told that he (or his behaviour) is naughty, just about choices. And to make better choices. Sometimes he chooses to rip pages out of books, because that day he doesn't want to read, so not being able to read the book isn't an issue to him. It's his choice to not read it by ripping pages out. Some days when he's in a situation he's finding difficult he instead chooses to scream non stop for a full hour and half. When he's given time out on his room he'll be punching walls, knocking everything off shelves and trashing the place. That's his choice, because he's annoyed (usually at himself) that he's in time out. Sometimes he's lovely and an angel. Sometimes he's very caring and sweet. But he's free to make his own choices, and sometimes he chooses stupidly, because at time he WANTS to show his anger so it's a reasonable choice to make.

As others have said, behaviour in schools has gone severely downhill in the past 20-30 years. Children not being told "No, That is naughty, I am NOT allowing you to do that" has been replaced by "Maybe choose differently next time".

Ah, a bit like ‘thank you for not smoking’.

A child needs to be told no or don't do that. Or else how will they know it's wrong. If they understand and continue then they are naughty. Why are we shying away from the word. Fair enough to say the behaviour is naughty and not the child

.

Huh? I've never made a long speech to DD in my life?? Read my earlier posts 🙄

I feel like using words like ‘mummy is disappointed’ or ‘that is unkind’ for bad behaviour eg biting, ripping books etc is too gentle. I’ve seen my peers do it and it was a disaster.

I'm disappointed when the kids didn’t put things away at first ask maybe,but anything more serious they were told that mum is very angry with their behaviour and there would be an age appropriate consequence.
Non of this kind hands malarkey!

I never hit my children but they knew when they were about to step out of line and quickly learned to correct themselves.
ok my kids weren’t perfect and I look back on things I could have done a bit different but I ended up with two boys who didn’t cause me problems as teens and are successful young adults.

I teach infants, labelling the behaviour not the child is important. No child is inherently naughty but they may exhbit naught behaviours, and it's best to state that a particular behaviour is unacceptable. ' We don't....'

The best theory, which is not always easy to do, is to focus on the behaviour you want not the behaviour you don't. 'Let's read the book' ratger than 'don't rip the book'. 'Eat your food nicely' rather than 'Don't throw food'. You see more of the behaviour you name.

The ' No thank you ' thing is something I sometimes say in school. You're basically saying thank you for stopping that behaviour. You're coming from the point of view of assuming they will stop the undesirable behaviour, whuch sometimes (not always) helps them to stop because you've already assumed they will stop.

Sure. No criticism intended. It’s just that I’ve heard people use this ‘no thank you’ form of words before, and wondered why the ‘thank you’. Seems a bit confusing for the child who may hear it used in the normal way and think they are being asked to stop doing something.

Our nursery used to say that children were making red or Green choices. We still use that with them now, and it seems to work well

So when a 10 year old tells me to fuck off and walks out of class, kicking a chair at another child on the way, it’s nothing to do with me asking them to not shout out whilst I’m teaching, it’s because they’re still ‘learning boundaries’?

ooh, just remembered a huge pile of bollocks which seems to have crept in:
" shake it out"

Kid does something naughty and instead of getting a short sharp "no!" or similar, parent and kid stand there "shaking it out" which is shaking their arms to get the silliness out.
Absolute bollocks is that effective in any way except telling your child you're a wet lettuce

probably the "kind hands" person

My dc are adults but even 30 years ago it was common to say ‘that’s naughty,’ rather than you’re naughty.

The phrase I think most unfair for toddlers is
’use your words.’
My 21 month old gn didn’t have the words to explain she was in pain from a flare up of eczema, they knew what was wrong, but her dm and dgm kept on at the poor dc.
We were at a wedding so I couldn’t even escape. Who comes up with this bs?

Maybe what they learn is that a big long speech and mummy making performative sad faces means ‘stop that’.

It's pretty simple logic really. Even if they don't get it at first, if you are consistent, they will cotton on. It's pretty amazing how much babies and toddlers understand.

I understand your point of view. I consciously avoid using the word naughty because I don’t think it applies at that age. I’d describe their behaviour as curiosity, exploration, or developmentally normal, etc. However, I don’t mind if someone else calls it naughty because not everyone will see and approach it the same way I do.

will they heck.

lol.
I bloody hate "kind hands"

very young children don't understand any sort of long explanations
" Jeff, remember to use kind hands; you made Emily cry and now she's sad. it's not nice to feel sad is it. Shall we give Emily a hug with our kind hands"

That is a pile of nonsene making no sense to a toddler.
What does work is
" jeff, stop"
and there is absolutely nothing wrong with telling a kid they've been naughty.