To hate the whole SEND system and everyone in it and wish they would all sod off

I have a child with an EHCP in year 7 with additional needs rather than complex. I totally get the watching an app in dread, daily (I jump out of my skin when my phone rings in school hours - so much trauma from so many negative calls/meetings from primary.)
I'm working again, but self-employed. There is no way I would have been able to hold down a job working for someone else, mentally or physically over the last few years.
The looming transition to secondary and the senco from primary's negativity about it sent my husband into depression and sent a torpedo into our previously solid marriage; still waiting to see if we can work things out.
I'm very used to that cold feeling: you feel you are on the outside as everyone around you is living a typical/normal family life and then the rage when well-meaning people tell you there is no such thing as an average kid, when you are literally surrounded by families with average kids 🙄
Wondering, will my child who is the size of a small adult have a public meltdown today or not?
To be able to casually drop your kid off at brownies/summer camp/breakfast club without a backward glance like most parents do is an unimaginable dream.
The massive irritation when people groan that their kid stayed up till ten, causing them much stress, when ten is a super early night for yours, or that their 5 year old has started bedwetting for a few days when you have an 11 year old still not close to being reliably dry at night.
It is also challenging for me to relate to friends when they want to tell me that their children have ADHD or are 'definitely on the spectrum somewhere' but (and good for them) are doing ever so well in school (with virtually zero support needs), socially are getting on well with lots of friends, and have many varied hobbies.
I know what you mean about wanting to be private. It particularly irked me that the EHCP included details of me having a failed induction and C-section. I knew that half of the teachers in the school would have seen it. Just a small thing, but it was my personal medical details!

Just wanted to send solidarity, OP. I have two SEND kids with very different needs and it’s absolutely relentless. I’m hanging onto my (low-paid, PT) job by a thread but if I gave it up to home educate I know my own MH would suffer (I’m autistic and rely heavily on the structure and interest my job provides, such as it is) and at least one of my DC would hate it anyway. Appreciate it works for some but, like our kids, we are all individuals and have to find the solutions that work best for us and our families (as if that should need to be said on a thread like this!) It’s so sad to see parents turn on each other when the problem is an education system that isn’t fit for purpose and a society that judges a person's worth by their productivity and little else.

As for the SEND system, the language I routinely use about it is far stronger than yours, so I commend your restraint! Also totally agree about the intrusive nature of it all - I sometimes really envy the families who get to go into school for parents’ evening a couple of times a year and have a quick chat about their DC’s grades, handwriting, etc, when several of my DC’s teachers have seen me at absolute breaking point and I spend more time speaking to school/LA staff than my own friends. My only advice there is that finding a couple of other SEND parents to chat to at the school gates has been a godsend. Nobody else (family, colleagues, etc) really seems to have any idea how all-consuming it is.

I take my last sentence back, with apologies. You definitely posted some kind and supportive comments. It just seemed to take a turn somewhere.

Don’t have any advice just solidarity. DD is older teen, has EHCP. I’m absolutely exhausted morally because of the pressure and responsibility. Every little thing needs to be controlled. When they are older it’s especially obvious how different your life as a SEN parent. You don’t get your life back when your child is 18.
We don’t have family around so never had outside help. And our short visits are not enough for them to get an understanding so they are useless even for distant moral support. So it’s DH and I only, but I’m the main carer.

I definitely understand.

We're just at the beginning and I'm already exhausted and overwhelmed by it all. My son is currently out of school and getting him back, hopefully to the mainstream school he was at before he became disabled will be possible but we're waiting on his EHCP to go through.

Everything is about waiting. It is all so incredibly slow and frustrating.

Parent to an SEN child is a relatively exclusive community and I am sure many of us have experiences that resonate with each other.

Given this, I am struggling to comprehend how your posts are supportive. Or perhaps being supportive was never your intention?

Thank you for writing this … I’m in the cyclone of waiting for a diagnosis for my DD … I’m tired of “tell me about your DD?” Questions and hearing the word she had an emotional day

I just want to have a “normal “ day where I don’t worry that loud sounds will cause meltdowns and I don’t have more and more forms to fill in

Plus the constant worry about her future and how she will cope

Are you maybe misreading @TeenLifeMum posts? I genuinely don’t think she’s saying the things that you think she is? I hope things get better for you if you’re having a bad day, I can totally relate to that.

nope, that’s your perception. I made one supportive comment to the op and you have done nothing but attack me with buzz words. I’m a huge supporter of disabled people and an advocate for digital accessibility in my work, I am really unsure why YOU chose to hijack this thread with nasty comments towards me then expect me not to stand up for myself.

The op’s situation sounds very stressful and she has my sympathy.

I’m so sorry, I don’t have any advice or solutions, I’m sure you would’ve thought of them already if there were any. I just wanted to say that must be really difficult and send you good thoughts.

@Signetsarah - why are you hijacking the thread?

“Darling” I don’t have any disabled dc and never experienced anything the op is describing, but I have empathy for a dm who does and is reaching out for support from the mn community. Maybe learn to read properly before bizarrely attacking my comments.

We’re all different. Your opinion isn’t the only opinion, your interpretation isn’t the only interpretation. It’s actually offensive for the OP you think she can’t fight her own battles if she wanted to. Haven’t you got better things to do than hijack her thread?

So because it’s shit for you, no one else should share their struggles and should pretend everything is hunky dory? If home schooling works for you, great, I just think anyone suggesting it’s the answer for this poster isn’t reading what I’m reading.

Darling, you aren’t the only person with a disabled child :) the world doesn’t revolve around your lived experience.

How am I professional victim because I didn’t like homeschooling and can use empathy to understand why a mum of a disabled dc wouldn’t want to do it. I’m not even saying I’m overwhelmed just hearing what the op has said.

Did you learn a new phrase that you don’t quite understand how to use it? 😂

A poster talking about the impact her situation is having on her is “very me me me”? What? She’s reaching out for support, what on earth made you think your post was a normal response to someone doing that?