Please, please, please put away your phones...

I think if you'd posted about parents phone usage in a park for example that would be a reasonable discussion. But we cant judge a situation where parents are on the tube at 11pm with a toddler. There are too many explanations for their behaviour such as trying to get DC to sleep, traumatic day etc.

The post is here to make you feel like you can give yourself a huge pat on the back, for doing better. Most of the posters doing that will have selective memory of their own experiences with a toddler. I think using the internet to soundboard our judgement in order to boost our own self esteem is another problem with society. We talk about mental health and anxiety but this can't be helping when a mother cannot ever get it right.

It is definitely showing up in young children’s ability to socialise and communicate. I think recent cohorts are the ones with the most children struggling in these areas. Covid had an impact but this isn’t a reason for the babies and toddlers born after this ended to struggle. As well as babies being ignored so many are in front of screens when out shopping. I know it is hard work - I raised four before the days of phones and home delivery - but each trip out is a learning opportunity and you just need to factor longer into the trips and let the child ‘help’.

I agree OP. I work with young kids and couldn't be more against tech, when I see a device in a buggy it gives me the rage. If you are too young to walk then you are too young to have a device. Waiting areas are different I think thats ok to placate an upset child sometimes. But going for a walk with phone in hand is unacceptable IMO. Many kids are behind in gross motor skills because they are too long in buggies, not to mention poor concentration and communication skills.

As for the 11pm thing I had an insomniac toddler and sometimes avoiding eye contact for a long period was the only way he would relax and go to sleep. So in that regard I understand the ignoring but the way to model that would be to close your eyes and pretend to snooze yourself, not being engrossed in something else.

I hate the amount of times I am forced to be on my phone when i don't want to when with my kids. Parking apps for example. I was recently at a museum with my kids and there were no audio tours or pamphlets just QR codes at every exhibition, probably from covid times. The whole thing was designed for every visitor to be looking at individual screens. Instead we just wandered and chatted about what we thought we were looking at, no way was I spending my time on a phone. It feels like there is a big conspiracy out there forcing us to spend more and more time on these little screens.

"What did people do 20 years ago when there weren't phones? If they'd had a bad day / were tired / sad / cross etc?"

Drink a lot and/or watch TV and various other maladaptive strategies. I certainly don't think parenting as a whole is getting any worse although it is different.

I agree it is bad to ignore your children continuously - with that being said, parent have always ignored their children but it looked differently in previous generation such as knitting, reading books, papers etc

I remember my psychology teacher talking about this in 2018 and how she was worried about it, on the back of a lesson about early years attachment. I think it’s just gotten worse. I obviously wouldn’t judge anyone for occasions, but if it’s the norm it must be so harmful

I would probably start to connect with the child in this position, but then I guess you'd risk being stabbed or something.

You are completely right OP and I don't care what day they've had. Step up; parenting involves sacrifice.

Parents can't blame covid on their behaviour of their 2 year olds now.

Zombies raising zombies. The future is bleak.

What did she say when you pointed it out? Did she look flustered?

I do not like this e-parenting of giving a toddler a phone or tablet to watch stuff on it. The worst ones are parents who have bought a tablet holder for pushchairs. Please interact with children, verbally and other ways.

We are going to create people who will have social skills and mental problems later in life.

Absolutely. Has nobody read 'Not now Bernard'? Written before mobile phones were invented.

We got told a lot ‘children should be seen and not heard!’ Parents absolutely ignored their children it’s not a new thing at all.

Of course parents ignored their kids years ago. Ignkring kids is not a new thing. Parenting is MUCH better these days and far more child centric. There’s many ways to improve parenting standards but looking to the past is not one

Yep. When I was growing g up it was with the newspaper or TV or pub.

People want to blame phones because it’s easy, but there’s about a million others ways people are shit parents

I’m sorry you’ve been made to feel so so sad OP, it like with anything in these situations, you’ve only seen a snapshot of their day.

Also phones don’t exclusively just have TikTok and MN on them. Everything in my life now is organised via my phone. I’ve been on one while my child is on a train because it’s the only way to get my ticket out or check times, or routes home, or if there’s delays. I’ve had moments where there’s been a death and I’ve had to keep in touch with my family but don’t want a sad phone call in the carriage.

If they’re on the train with a baby at 11pm they’ve hardly been clubbing, maybe something awful has happened. Maybe they’re trying to find a place to stay, or have had bad news.

It doesn’t make me so so sad. The only thing that makes me so so sad is that people see a snapshot of a day and assume that to be the case all the time. And it’s ALWAYS a judgement on women.

Another thing that makes me so so sad is people who think they need to come on a forum and make demands of adults they don’t know in a “I just care so much about the little children” type way.

Honestly I think people expect women to only ever go on their phones for 5 minutes a day and that they should hide ina cupboard when they do so.

But a phone makes it infinitely more likely.

I'm a primary school teacher, and you'd be shocked at the number of parents who greet their very small child with their phone glued to their ear in the middle of a call.
Often, they don't even greet their child, they just turn and start walking away, and the poor child is just trailing after them. It's so sad to see.

Its not just about the phones. Some people will ignore their children and zone out even without the phone.

The difference being that a magazine or a crossword is not designed to be addictive like a phone is. Much easier for the parent to stop and turn their attention to the child when they ask for it. Once the crossword or magazine article is finished, there was not an infinite amount more puzzles or articles there waiting for them, and in general they would not take them out and about with them everywhere they went, to be constantly distracted by them.

It’s so easy to do! I make such a conscious effort now not to be on my phone so much. When my daughter (14) comes to talk to me my phone goes away. I limit myself to 30mins in the morning and evening to scroll and then it goes away. My daughter’s phone is with me from 10pm until she is up and ready for school in the morning.

she is also following my lead in not being on her phone - they really do follow examples set x

Agapornis · Today 00:06

Urgh I see parents/adults round here with noise cancelling headphones and pushchairs :\
That said, I also see dog owners doing the same - ignoring their dog. What's the bloody point of having a child or dog if you block them from both sight and mind?

This ^ I live next to a forest walk, and I see people pushing prams and walking dogs but on their phones paying no attention to either the child or the dog. I feel so sorry for those being ignored! One dog really caught my attention, he was trying to stop for a wee and the woman didn't notice, just yanked the lead when he tried to stop and dragged him along.

Put the phone away for ten minutes, engage with your child and / or your dog - everyone would be so much happier.

I have no idea who the parents are she brings so many kids.

I saw a little kid run up to a bus stop advert board recently trying to swipe it like a screen. It's was very bizarre to watch but if everything you see involves clicking and swiping that is what you expect.