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Please, please, please put away your phones...

539 replies

User63859 · 22/03/2025 23:22

Just witnessed a mother (and father) totally ignore their 18 month old (ish) child on the tube. Both of them totally engrossed in their phones. The baby was sat up in a buggy, awake (at 11pm but that's another issue) and had moments of trying to get their mother's attention. At one point the child leaned out of the buggy and buried its head in its mother's lap.

Not even a flinch from the mother. So concerned with scrolling (looking at a fashion website fwiw), she literally didn't even make eye contact.

It was heartbreaking. What are we doing to our children? Before all the late night trolls start piling in I'm not saying I'm a perfect parent, we all have our weaknesses, but witnessing this has literally made me so so sad. I think what made me even sadder is the fact the baby just seemed to accept it. They tried to get the smallest acknowledgment from their mother, failed so just sat there staring into space. Oh, and watching their mother prioritise a bit of metal over them.

Please, for the love of whatever, put away your phones. We all like a scroll and a moan on mumsnet but do it when your kids are in bed. I'm so tired of seeing all this shit parenting and worrying about what a messed up world my son is going to grow up in.

To those that are guilty of this, one day you will long for these days back again and by then it will be too late and you'll be wondering why your kids need so much therapy.

Be better, please.

OP posts:
Signetsarah · 23/03/2025 00:46

Twocheesychips · 23/03/2025 00:45

The OP hasn't said at any point that the child was upset. I barely use my phone infront of DC, but it's a redherring here. Parents have always ignored over tired DC as a method of them giving in to sleep.

I have no experience of my own parents, my peers or myself ‘ignoring’ a tired child, sorry you’re on your own there

Crackanut · 23/03/2025 00:45

ZoeCM · 23/03/2025 00:32

I think the "snapshot" argument is naive. Does anyone really doubt that there are plenty of parents out there who routinely ignore their children in favour of their phones?

The only people trotting out the "snapshot" and "let the child sleep" bullshit are the neglectful parents who do it themselves. They're clutching at straws. We see them...

Twocheesychips · 23/03/2025 00:45

Signetsarah · 23/03/2025 00:42

So let me clarify one of your children if upset you’d ‘leave’ them )ignore them and go on your phone?
thats so fucking weird

The OP hasn't said at any point that the child was upset. I barely use my phone infront of DC, but it's a redherring here. Parents have always ignored over tired DC as a method of them giving in to sleep.

gollyimholly · 23/03/2025 00:42

You're absolutely right OP. I have a 2 year old and I am extremely conscious of my phone use around DD.

Signetsarah · 23/03/2025 00:42

Twocheesychips · 23/03/2025 00:40

I think claiming that we all spring into action whenever our DC requests our attention, at any time of day or night and not doing so is neglect is ridiculous.

One of my DCs I would comfort. The other I would leave if they weren't upset as they would fight sleep when over tired.

So let me clarify one of your children if upset you’d ‘leave’ them )ignore them and go on your phone?
thats so fucking weird

DiddyHeck · 23/03/2025 00:42

Twocheesychips · 23/03/2025 00:40

I think claiming that we all spring into action whenever our DC requests our attention, at any time of day or night and not doing so is neglect is ridiculous.

One of my DCs I would comfort. The other I would leave if they weren't upset as they would fight sleep when over tired.

I think claiming that we all spring into action whenever our DC requests our attention, at any time of day or night and not doing so is neglect is ridiculous.

Yeah that would be.

And if anyone joins the thread to claim this, I'll be the first to tell them I think they're being ridiculous.

But for now, it's best to stick to things that have actually been said?

Crackanut · 23/03/2025 00:42

Millie2008 · 23/03/2025 00:28

Would this feel different if the parent was engrossed in a book? Literary fiction?

Of course it wouldn't. It's still ignoring a child's needs. That's not as clever as you think it is.

Twocheesychips · 23/03/2025 00:40

DiddyHeck · 23/03/2025 00:35

Jesus, so you consider comforting a baby when they're tired, on a train at 11 o'clock at night 'performance parenting'?

That's even sadder than the OP's story to be fair.

I think claiming that we all spring into action whenever our DC requests our attention, at any time of day or night and not doing so is neglect is ridiculous.

One of my DCs I would comfort. The other I would leave if they weren't upset as they would fight sleep when over tired.

DiddyHeck · 23/03/2025 00:40

Those twisting themselves into a pretzel to excuse neglectful parenting are a major source of entertainment, I must admit 🤣

I just want to see how far they can go.

EdithBond · 23/03/2025 00:39

HottyBotty · 22/03/2025 23:25

Maybe mum and dad have had a hell of a day and are knackered. I know the snapshot you saw didn't look good. But I've learnt not to judge snapshots. You never know what the heck has gone on / is going on in people's lives...

I agree. We don’t know what’s been going on in other people’s lives.

Though agree with the sentiment OP, phones should generally be out of sight around kids, as they learn from our behaviour.

1000DayChallenge · 23/03/2025 00:39

I completely agree. My grandson is a year old and I’d be heartbroken if this was his story. I’m sick of hearing the excuses people make for EVERYTHING nowadays. Many people are making huge, selfish mistakes with their children. It’s not being cruel or rude to state this as a fact.

Mrsbloggz · 23/03/2025 00:39

I agree!
But I am a little too old to be a prime candidate for full on phone addiction.
Lets not forget that vast sums of money & time are spent to make the various platforms as compelling/addictive as possible. Not to condone ignoring your infant child in favour of your phone . . . but lots of humans are not able to withstand the siren song!

User63859 · 23/03/2025 00:38

BlondiePortz · 23/03/2025 00:36

How do you know what she was looking at?

I could see her phone 🙄

OP posts:
DiddyHeck · 23/03/2025 00:37

Signetsarah · 23/03/2025 00:34

This. IF (not that I would) be out with toddler in pram at 11pm, I’d probably actually have them out the pram and hold them to sleep. Or I’d be stroking their head / arm/ leg and maybe singing to them quietly or something. Or I’d be narrating our journey.
OR is just sit and watch them, I have no need to be on my phone around my child,

why is that performance parenting?

It's not.

It's just simple, basic parenting from someone who gives a shit.

Signetsarah · 23/03/2025 00:37

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

🤣🤣🤣

BlondiePortz · 23/03/2025 00:36

How do you know what she was looking at?

Signetsarah · 23/03/2025 00:36

DiddyHeck · 23/03/2025 00:35

Jesus, so you consider comforting a baby when they're tired, on a train at 11 o'clock at night 'performance parenting'?

That's even sadder than the OP's story to be fair.

This. I think people who aRe triggered by this are really actually nervous that they’re a shite parent and everyone else knows it who sees it.

people forget they are being silently judged and rightly bloody so

Twocheesychips · 23/03/2025 00:36

DiddyHeck · 23/03/2025 00:33

We have no idea whether the parent wanted their child to sleep or not.

All we know is the child was desperately trying to get her attention on a train at 11pm.

She needed comforting, not ignoring.

You're right we have no idea, we weren't there. But its a pretty feasable explanation. But we'll ignore it, as judging a situation we don't know the details of makes us feel superior.

MyLoyalBird · 23/03/2025 00:35

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Signetsarah · 23/03/2025 00:35

Twocheesychips · 23/03/2025 00:34

If youd been in a car accident you would teleport home? If your DC needed to go to A&E, you'd neglect them until the morning?

I think we are getting a little ridiculous now 🤣🤣🤣

the lengths you ‘be kind’ brigade will go to to excuse shite behaviour is insane

DiddyHeck · 23/03/2025 00:35

Twocheesychips · 23/03/2025 00:31

But if you had to be, for whatever unavoidable reason. You'd rather performance parent and prevent your DC from sleeping?

Jesus, so you consider comforting a baby when they're tired, on a train at 11 o'clock at night 'performance parenting'?

That's even sadder than the OP's story to be fair.

Signetsarah · 23/03/2025 00:34

DiddyHeck · 23/03/2025 00:33

We have no idea whether the parent wanted their child to sleep or not.

All we know is the child was desperately trying to get her attention on a train at 11pm.

She needed comforting, not ignoring.

This. IF (not that I would) be out with toddler in pram at 11pm, I’d probably actually have them out the pram and hold them to sleep. Or I’d be stroking their head / arm/ leg and maybe singing to them quietly or something. Or I’d be narrating our journey.
OR is just sit and watch them, I have no need to be on my phone around my child,

why is that performance parenting?

User63859 · 23/03/2025 00:34

For the posters suggesting that maybe she was trying to get the baby to sleep, I did wonder this too. For about 5 seconds. And then I remembered that if I wanted an 18 month old to sleep at 11pm I'd put them in their cot with the lights out. Or hush them or cuddle them to sleep if we had to be out. Or at least recline the buggy, not have them sitting upright on a busy London Underground train at 11pm on a Saturday night.

In hindsight, the baby was probably too hot to sleep. It was trying to pull its hood off but failed and unfortunately the mother missed all this because she was so engrossed in her phone.

OP posts:
Twocheesychips · 23/03/2025 00:34

Signetsarah · 23/03/2025 00:32

I literally just wouldn’t so I can’t answer that
never have never would

If youd been in a car accident you would teleport home? If your DC needed to go to A&E, you'd neglect them until the morning?

DiddyHeck · 23/03/2025 00:33

Twocheesychips · 23/03/2025 00:29

Don't you think it's more neglectful to prevent a DC from getting sleep? Have you always done whatever your DC want? Were you up giving your DC your full attention at 11pm every day?

We have no idea whether the parent wanted their child to sleep or not.

All we know is the child was desperately trying to get her attention on a train at 11pm.

She needed comforting, not ignoring.

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