Please, please, please put away your phones...

Is reading a book not just ignoring your child in a different way?

Half an hour at 11pm on what was likely a busy Saturday out is not a true reflection of anyone's life.

I don't agree with ignoring your child for a phone, but I also don't agree with judging someone you see at a random point in their life when you know nothing else about them.

I'd go with messed up. They've learned, because this has happened multiple times, that there is no point protesting.

I often see mums pushing their babies along wearing headphones. Fine if baby / toddler is asleep, but often they aren't and are old enough to have a little chat as you walk along, pointing things out etc. Mine are grown now, youngest 17, but I am definitely guilty of spending too much time on my phone. But not when they were babies. I didn’t even have a smartphone though to be fair when any were under 5, that does make it much easier than having to open the laptop like I did.

@User63859 Did you speak up for the baby any time at all while you were on the train near them?

Agree, or when the parent is wearing headphones not talking to the baby/child. So important for their development!

Half an hour. That’s a fair chunk.

I’ve seen this sort of thing more and more and I’d bet my life this is habitual

I do agree.

Is there WiFi on the tube now?

The most depressing thing is when I see a kid (or worse baby!) in a pram staring at a screen

Agree OP, it’s very sad to see. Even in the supermarket here, I see kids sat in trolleys holding iPads or phones watching things. I think it turns into a bit of a vicious cycle…you want five minutes peace so you give them the device, but then it starts to become the only thing that calms them down/gets them to do something so you just end up giving it all the time. And then they are firmly addicted.

It's a fair point, noone is holding father's feet to the fire in the way we are mum.
Is that because this is Mumsnet, and we're putting ourselves in mum's position, thinking, what would I do?
Is it because the little child was reaching out to her mum, putting her head in mum's lap, not dad's, in a bid for interaction?
Or is it because we hold mums to a higher standard? Believe that, at the end of the day, when it comes to something as fundamental as secure attachment, the buck stops with mum?
I think I probably do believe that, but I recognise it's not a universal belief. Maybe the liberal feminist position is that both parents have to be thought of as exactly the same, it's better for both parents to be equally unresponsive to a child than for mum to be well engaged and dad to be stuck on his phone 24/7.

I thought of the Still Face Experiment, too.
In the video I've seen of that experiment being carried out the toddler starts wailing after only few minutes of mum being completely non-responsive. It was filmed in the 70s or 80s.
In OP's scenario the fact that this little one went a whole half hour without becoming distressed means, either, there's no issue here and she was actually half asleep or something. Or, some of generation alpha are being raised to not even be distressed by a lack of responsive eye contact with a primary care giver, for a whole half hour (when previous generation they wouldn't cope with even five minutes). Does that mean they're really resilient or really messed up?

Ugh. Someone always will make this kind of comment. I very much doubt it this isn't their usual behaviour, people like this are always like this, I see it all the time.

You can’t judge that though. They may have been at a one off event, like a family wedding or party. It’s not ideal but once in a blue moon, a late night for a child isn’t the end of the world. However, if it’s a regular occurrence, then that’s a different story.

I agree.

I have a 11 week old and a 2.5 year old, so in the trenches atm. There are some days where I’m exhausted and would love to veg out not doing anything, however, I make a conscious effort to be off my phone until they are napping or in bed for the evening.

I hate seeing people scrolling on their phones in restaurants. Groups of friends and families all engrossed in their screens and not to mention young kids glued to iPads.

Why wouldn't they have potentially judged her? They would've had no idea what was going on in her life, just as no one has any idea of what is going on for the family in OP to be on the tube at 11pm with a toddler in the first place.

Firstly I am really sorry for what you went through. I know the pain of a miscarriage only too well. You were surviving an unimaginable pain and just going through the motions of the day. I highly doubt that if someone had seen your familythat day they would have judged you in that manner.

I disagree that my post is condescending when the majority of posters on this thread agree that people are more focused on their phones. Not all parents are the same, some find it easier allowing IPads to babysit their children. You can’t say that you haven’t seen examples of this yourself.

Yeah that child will have issues because their mother wasn’t interacting with them
phones are the new cigarette but worse

Just the other day I saw a video where a woman was walking on totally engrossed in her phone....a man was calling out to her Few times and running after her she finally looked back he shouted Wtf woman what you playing at? Walking off and leaving your child behind...she then realised and ran, picked her child up (looks under 2) walks off and still on her phone 🙄 The addiction to these devices are unreal....

How are you teaching I.T ?

This.

I agree with you! I also wonder if parents being addicted to phones could be an area that is often unspoken about but must influence how children are being bought up today.

Again, I am not perfect at all, but I would only be on my phone with my baby if it’s related to making our way to wherever we are going, or if they are asleep strapped in and we are on a long journey I might catch up on messages.

I would love us to explore this more. I know it’s just a snapshot of those parents lives, but it may not be for others.