Please, please, please put away your phones...

In previous comments I've already stated that phones can be addictive and that certain websites are literally designed to keep pulling you back.

However, most people aren't in fact addicted and have the ability to look at their behaviour and cut back if they so choose. The guy talking for 10 mins about how wasted he was the other night with his mate (while completely ignoring his toddler) or the other one who made multiple calls to different people over a period of 40 to talk about the same holiday, while completely ignoring his son (who actually came up to me and my toddler and asked if he could play with us) weren't addicted to their phones, they were just weren't interested in their children.

Plus, the fact that these phones can be addictive isn't a good enough excuse for people completely ignoring their children. Sorry.

I agree.
you see it all the time parents completely disengaged with children out on walks on their phones. no interaction. I always think it’s a snapshot of their day and life, but for some (not all) they will be ignored. It’s storing up a whole host of issues.

It's a parental impulse isn't it? Not even a decision, just a natural reaction to your child.

Phone use is a major concern for society as a whole and some parents are addicted to the point it's dangerous for their kids.

Some parents scroll their phone in front of their kids because they are trying to escape the sheer relentless monotony of parenting and whatever terrible circumstances they're experiencing for a few moments and this will not affect their child.

Both these things are true.

You can judge and still be compassionate and supportive of other parents. If you didn't care enough to say anything (pleasantly and helpfully) to them at the time then don't come posting on an anonymous internet forum lambasting them.

Sad as it is, sitting on your phone while your baby is there at the end of a long day is one thing. Completely ignoring your child trying to get your attention because you’re so engrossed in your phone is another.

The OP primarily refers to the mother in the OG post.

You're making the mistake of thinking that without their phones they would engage with their child - parents in general were no more responsive pre-smartphones, they just used other things to avoid interacting with their children. Newspapers, books, TV, radio, other adults, Valium, magazines.

Mother? Where have plucked mother from? There were two parents there - both of them were both immersed in their phones.

Going along with all the what iffery here, couldn't they tag team?

I’m glad I didn’t have a smartphone when my kids were little. Just a dumb Nokia which did me well enough. I also see the parents on their phones in the park/ pushing the buggies and wonder what the long term effects are. Worse, they hand the phone to their toddlers as a pacifier.

Lol, okay then 🤣

Phones and apps are designed to be compelling and addictive - for example they have teams of people devising just the right shade of red to make users feel maximum urgency when seeing their notifications. A book can be engrossing, absolutely, but (for the majority at least) literature is just not compelling and addictive in the same way - it really isn’t.

I listened in astonishment to a woman speaking on Radio 4's Woman's Hour about parents needing to learn to speak to their children and interact and make eye contact while doing basic things like changing nappies and bathing them. I was fortunate enough to grow up with a mother who talked to me and played with me all the time. Many people just aren't talking to children in the way they used to, or making as much direct eye contact, because they are so engrossed in their phones.

I went to a concert last night. There was an unexpected delay of about 20 minutes before things got started. Everyone else was peering at their phones but I chose to sit and just look around the venue and soak up the atmosphere. A man around my age approached, smiled and said 'We seem to be the only people here who aren't on our phones. How old-fashioned are we? Do you chat?' I said yes, and we then had one of those life-affirming conversations in which we talked about the music we'd both come to hear and when we'd first discovered the composer. If you're staring at your phone you lose out on the small, uplifting moments of connection with those around you. Poor kids.

I wouldn't make a judgement on parenting on the tube at 11pm. They've probably had quite a day, I think most of us who have toddlers would be tucked up in bed at that time and if not we would be exhausted. Who knows what kind of day they have had to be on the tube at that time.

In the (unlikely) event I would instantly know it was about me. I would either

reflect on the comments, take them on board and do better or

wouldn't give a shit what other people think, because I have faith in my parenting abilities and know this was a one off, or

not give a shit because I know best, my baby, my rules.

I agree with you. I see this a lot on buses.

I agree OP, I see this behaviour often too and I do reflect on my own phone useage around my DCs.

I get a bus to work in the morning and there is often a mum with a child and toddler on the bus, and the toddler always has an iPad and is watching kids tv. And yes I do judge, for one it’s annoying for everyone else to listen to, but also because why is that necessary? I always chatted to my kids on bus journeys.

Of course there’s a place for kids tv, CBeebies was a godsend when they were toddlers and I was trying to cook dinner or get some chores done but I think it’s sad now that it often seems to be the default to give a toddler a screen.

Phones are so addictive and I think those who are saying ‘but don’t judge, you don’t know what sort of day they have had ’ are being naive. It’s something we should all reflect on and be judging ourselves on too.

I agree with you totally and it's about time we stopped being browbeaten into letting people neglect their children

It’s serious and affecting children in such a bad way. It seems to go that as soon as kids can hold them they are given their own electronic devices too.

Oh come on. Unless you're a literal angel on earth you DO judge people. It's human nature! Maybe personal experience has made you less judgemental than some, but you can't claim you don't judge.

And, speaking as someone who, like your aunt, has a ND child and who most definitely gets judged when her child acts out in public because of her autism, I'm sticking to the above point. From other people's perspectives, they have no idea that my daughter acts the way she does because of her autism, it's not like I've had t-shirts with "I am autistic" printed out for her, they might just see a child who's acting out, and therefore attribute her behaviour to bad parenting. I actually don't care, not unless they say something, then I'm angry. As it is, I end up apologising for her behaviour a lot and have even offered to pay for people's drinks or snacks in cafes because she's grabbed them.

As for you being bullied, I too was bullied horribly at primary and secondary school, and the bullying even continued further into my early adulthood with some people I encountered, but the fact that people have a different opinion to you and that people judge others is NOT IN ITSELF bullying. In fact, OP writing a non-identifying post about the conduct of some parents none of us know is NOT bullying, it's stoking debate on an issue that's, whether you agree or not, increasingly causing problems in society. As for standing up against "the bullies" you see online, seriously, holier than thou or what? It's admirable that you stick up for people in real life, but you can't expect people to not have opinions about certain types of behaviour.

Logging off now, my baby's awake.

"ripped him a new arsehole..."

Tells us everything we need to know, doesn't it?

Oh stop.
Dripfeeding now you've been called out, just stop.

Manage the families hospital/GP appointments, prescriptions etc.

There is no doubt that there is a screen addiction issue and many parents are needlessly scrolling or using their phones inappropriately.. but we also need to bear in mind that we are also forced to do so much through our phones..

Things I do on my phone that aren’t scrolling or shopping:
All Banking
Topping up Parent Pay for school
Checking Google Classroom for homework
Checking in on my elderly parents and checking their ring door bell etc.
Organise playdates & sleepovers
Book tickets & Restaurants
Book after school & holiday clubs
Online food Shopping
Manage my own freelance business..

Yeah, these types are terrible. Phone addiction is a massive problem which affects all of us but we could do without the targeted judgy behaviour. There not trying to make the world better, they’re just trying to make themselves look/feel better.

This poster also doesn't seem to have a concept of mum's needing connection with other adults, hence the calls.

I often speak to my mum while out and about with DD, as she's miles away and works so those are the times that fit in. DD loves it, sometimes Granny is in Mummy's ear (headphones, for ease), sometimes she's on speaker, sometimes she's on video.

The chats themselves aren't "important" but that connection is.

And yes, on my deathbed I won't be worried about social media time, but I'll be happy I had that connection with my mum despite the physical distance between us.