Sad about reaction to summer residential trip but is it a sign of the times?

Yes I think its sad and there is a lot of anxiety in society generally. We are all feeling it. I think too much is being streamed to us constantly. I temember only watching the news once a day and you would only hear of a local burglary in the local paper. Now, I check the news maybe 15 times a day, everytime i log onto social media I see thr uodates from local groups about the stuff going on around us. I know the population and crime has risen so maybe we need to be more vigulant. But it is a sad state of affairs.

Regarding the trip, I sent my son on overnight week long summer camps from year 5, outside of school. He has absolutely loved going on them and has great memories. They are run really well and I had small fears but had to let them go. My reasoning for doing that was that he is living a sheltered life and we wouldn't just let him wander to the shops or out on his bike for hours. We live in a city. So I wanted him to have that experience to feel some freedom and autonomy and have to figure it out himself being away from home and with a group of people, buying stuff from the tuck shop, handling being away from home. My thoughts were that it would be deeply beneficial for him to be able to do that as he cant do it day to day

My DD happily went to camp with Beavers and Scouts but wasn’t keen on the school residentials. The Y6 residential got cancelled due to Covid and we both breathed a sigh of relief. DD is ASD and isn’t keen on the non-stop activities on the residentials, she needs down time. She found the Y5 residential too full on.

Sorry that was bedwetting accidents

Both my kids went on their residentials - my DD was pretty anxious but I encouraged (not forced) her to go. DS is autistic and still had a few accidents so I was more nervous but spoke to the teachers and came up with some good strategies. I admit I was a bit anxious about them going in the sea etc without me there but I knew I had to put that aside as passing your anxieties onto your kids is not good. They both had a wonderful time and it increased their confidence. It is good for kids (and adults) to step outside their comfort zone - it is how we progress as humans otherwise we just stagnate.

I was nervous as they got older and started going out alone, hanging out with friends in town, travelling into London, starting uni but they have to do new things and we have to have confidence in them and the people who care for them!

I have friends who encouraged their kids to go to local unis and commute. It hasn't worked out well for some of them and to be honest it is just selfish. We have to let go gradually and let them grow.

I was attending school camps in the 80s and 90s. I disliked them. I I still had plenty of fun with my friends, I just preferred being at home with my family, and disliked the atmosphere of enforced fun that often crops up. I wasn’t alone in that. So no, its not ‘kids today tsk tsk’.

As an adult I’ve travelled and lived independently all over the world. I
still love being at home with my
family. Some peoole just really like that.

Probably around the time people stopped using 14 year olds as baby sitters, children had to stay in mandatory schooling till 18.

Teen pregnancy seems to of dropped though.

I teach languages in a secondary school and we are considering ditching our exchange trips because not enough kids want to go (or more often their parents don't want them to). These are 14 year-olds. The French, German and Spanish schools have tons of kids wanting to come to us and we can only provide about 13 English partners for them. British parents and kids are clearly much more nervous about this kind of thing.

I don't disagree but I do feel that they are separate issues.

My DD is in a phase of getting anxious and saying she doesn't want to do things, and I insist she does them as I know she will both enjoy and benefit from them.

However they are things I take her too; they're not things she does on her own.

Girl Guides has been great at bringing my shy daughter out of her shell and giving her confidence.

I was surprised (not in a bad way) to see my school lets children walk home from school alone from year 4. Yet I was playing out alone long before then! Times do change; I can't pinpoint what it is.

The trip isn’t until next year, your DD will mature a little, and you have time to help her advance in the skills she will need to get the most out of the trip assuming she wants to go? Is there a possibility that you could attend as a volunteer helper OP?

It definitely seems more common for parents to worry their child 'can't cope' on a school trip. There's a positive side to this - eg parents not forcing kids who would be miserable/anxious to go on trips because 'it'll be good for you' and who then have a rubbish time. There's a negative side because sometimes it's more the parents' anxiety holding their kid back because they haven't been apart from their child and they're going to feel anxious the whole time.

I'm obviously a heartless cow, as I was delighted when my kids first had multiple night school trips!

You have to use judgement and overcome anxiety really - oldest went on Jewish youth group summer camp for 12 days without any worries on our or their part; youngest has ADHD and is not mature for his age and was reluctant to go mainly as it's over his birthday, and we did have some worries because he needs his sleep and needs to not be in a dorm room with kids who want to mess around at night, plus can sometimes have difficulties with group activities. In the end he went on his 12th birthday because that was the last year it would be held somewhere in easy driving distance so could go get him if it all went south. We arranged for him to be in a 'quiet' dorm and briefed them about potential issues and he had a great time.

I think it’s an area based thing. My older two their primary schools had to do names in hat as there was always more children apply than spaces Youngest primary much much bigger school couldn’t even fill one coach for the very same residential my older two have done.

They are now trying to encouraging a camping residential so children can experience something they never have. That’s going to go down terribly frankly and we camp sometimes anyway so hardly a new experience.

Schools also cannot on one hand ask parents to over baby their children and in the other expect them to just hand them over for days at a time with high expense either. Ours sends out weekly reminders to make sure your child has a bit of fruit for break time and to send in frankly toddler toys for lunch break… it’s a junior school. Year sixes don’t need plastic dinosaurs and tyres to roll around the playground getting ready for year 7 with their snack bananas not allowed to walk home alone from 4pm club.

So my eldest is 17 now, he went on his school residential and I didn’t give it a second thought. He enjoyed it, I enjoyed the break. He did Scouts/Beavers too and slept at grandparents.

My youngest is in year 5 and I’m not looking forward to his residential next year. He has a very different temperament, his school feels quite chaotic and the behaviour is far worse than when my ds1 was at primary school.

It is funny isn't it.

I've got a 9 and 7 (and 5 but he's not in the equation as definitely too young) year old who will be 10 and 8 soon.

I read the article about how experts do think not letting children be independent can cause long term mental health issues, so I'm wanting to let my children out more. I'm hoping 7/8 isn't too young but I do think at some point I have to bite the bullet for their sake.

It’s interesting as I have two DC 14 and 11 and the classmates of the younger one have a far more anxious set of parents than the
older. They seem to have far less freedom or be encouraged to be more independent.

I do wonder if it was because they had just started school when lockdown hit or it’s just coincidence. Both my DC loved residential and camps etc, despite one of them being more introvert.

There's a big difference between walking to school alone and being on an organised residential trip with your peers and multiple teachers.

I never walked to school (lived too far away) but had no problem going on the residential trip.

My DC school has residentials from year 3. I actively encourage it, they also had sleepovers with Beavers from age 6.
There are a few children from their year who have never slept away from their parents before and the parents are the ones with the anxiety in my opinion.
Children should be able to have safe experiences to build their confidence and independence.

I hated every minute of school residential trips in the 1990s. I was very shy and quiet, I don't think the teachers realised how upset I was as I waited till night to cry. It wouldn't have occurred to me that it was an option not to go, or that hating something was a reason not to do it, my parents certainly never asked about activities etc. I'm sad if children are more anxious and less able to do things now, but also I think we listen to them more and allow them choices that we never used to and that may not be a bad thing?

I think some parents if their anxiety ruins off on the child and as a result does not go on the residential are relieved at the cost saving.

Also notable the age we are talking about, at which children missed out on face to face schooling for six months in 2020, they would have been year 1 or 2. But it was more important to re-open pubs in July 2020 than have one or two days a week in school.

At my son's junior school the residential is in yr 5. Three nights at an outdoor activity centre about 1hr 30 mins from school. Nearly the whole year went, a few cried but stayed the course. This was the first residential after covid lockdowns in yr3 and yr 4. It would not have entered my head for anyone not to go. Most children walk to school on their own from late yr 4 and definitely in yr 5.

as for mobile phones, too many parents are overprotective in the real world but underprotective in the virtual world…

my y5 is rather anxious. I definitely am not. I don’t tell people he’s anxious very often because the response is always “but it’s your anxiety!” or something similar. It really annoys me! I’d love for him to be free of it. Most parents would.

Eh, all children are different. I had lots of sleepovers as a kid but was very homesick on a PGL holiday at age 11/12. Hated it, couldn’t wait to go home. I’ve grown up into a very independent adult. Honestly would have hated a brownies sleepover at age 6.

I just think with the digital age we are more aware of what is happening everywhere else. Pre internet you wouldn’t have known that Sammy from the next village didn’t go on his y6 residential. Now a few people can have a discussion on social media and suddenly it seems like all kids have anxiety.

I have noticed that there is more distrust and push back against teachers and school rules, with parents teaching their kids to question authority. For WBD recently the school said no football kits and the backlash was astonishing.

This surprises me, but then my eldest is crying out for more independence so it's hard to reconcile this with our experience. He turns 8 in July and wants to do a PGL summer camp only weeks after he becomes eligible to go (they are for 8+). He was asking to do a full week one but we've had to talk him into a two night/ three day one to start just in case he does feel odd sleeping away from home. He seems ready for the same things at the same ages as I was... if anything he is a lot more confident than I ever was... I was a shy kid.

We do allow mobiles (girls 10-14) but only to be used at set times in communal areas. It’s a balance. Parents like kids having phones as they can track kids and message them. AirTagging children is also a thing now.

I'm an anxious parent, DS has SEN but i didn't think twice about letting him go on his Yr 3 or Yr 6 residentials and neither did any of the other parents.