Sad about reaction to summer residential trip but is it a sign of the times?

Your child doesn’t have sleepovers at her dad’s.

hmmmm….inknow my child would play Minecraft on switch for 24 hour straight if allowed to sleep over at a friends house. So no I wouldn’t allow sleepovers. I do encourage play dates if live more spontaneous play but we live rurally and that is difficult.

I didn’t go on school trips and survived to be a risk taking adult!

But yes I’d allow my kids to go.

id be more worried about how many mobile phones were going on the trip 🙄🙄🙄🙄

According to OP and others you’re probably in denial about that. Apparently it’s just about impossible to become a healthy functioning adult without a residential.

I’m not sure why they need to go to Reading or get drunk at that age. If anything I think that
less drinking and not underage drinking are very much positives. There’s still a myriad of ways for children to learn to be independent in age appropriate ways and personally speaking I still see plenty of kids going into town together, walking to school without parents and playing outside. Modern parents aren’t all wrapping them up in cotton wool.

I agree that social media is a very real concern and needs to be managed in order to protect them but there are ways of doing that and I fail to see getting drunk underage in parks and clubs or taking drugs at 15 at Reading as something to be applauded.

I do think it’s a very personal choice and perhaps more introverted children prefer to do things in their own time. My daughter wasn’t a fan of Brownies and their insistence of her coming out of her shell. They were lovely people but I know I myself don’t like to be pushed into things ..I have to make my own decisions in my own time.

I agree, it's particularly important for these kids.

My DS was in the same situation - only one set of GP's within an hour's drive and they were still working full time so didn't offer to have him at weekends etc.

Very few sleepovers either, likely affected by covid and the general anxieties that came after.

DS had a rezzy in years 5&6 and he came home more mature and confident after both. I really believe they set him up for secondary.

That is so sad. Would the British families still host though? When I went one time, the girl I stayed with didn’t come to England. It was still beneficial for her English I think.

You have to let them gently go...they will go one day. We should want them to. That's out role...to prepare our children for independence. I don't recall any child not going though in year 6...some were a little homesick but still enjoyed themselves.

My kid is going on a year 4 residential soon, as far as I as am aware all the children are going, there has been no talk of kids not going or being too anxious to go.

I was fine with residentials until my youngest was on a Beaver camp when he was 6 and they lost him (temporarily thankfully and due to adult error). It was horrifying.

My children still go on residentials but I worry a lot more about them myself.

I can understand both kids and parents being anxious in the run up to the year 5/6 rezzy - I certainly was, as was DS - but they are so good at boosting kids independence and confidence before the move to secondary.

It's one of those where everyone needs to get out of their feelings and look at the bigger picture, for want of a better term.

The school knows all of the kids well and are, I'm sure, taking into account the likely additional anxieties felt by the last few years of kids who had disrupted starts to schooling due to covid.

My kids have never done sleepovers with friends (I'm not against it, they've just never been invited!) and they've never even slept at grandparents (just never came up) but they've both been ok on school residentials.

I think a carefully planned and structured trip with teachers they know and trust is actually emotionally easier/safer than a random sleepover at a friend's house.

(I was a total mess on the other hand, but I was very careful not to let them realise!)

I would never admit it irl but I have to admit I find it deeply irritating when friends tell me how anxious their kids are to go on residentials. I feel as though it's the parents fussing over them and panicking them. It should be presented as a non-optional fait accomplished. You're going on a residential, you'll have lots of fun and we're looking forward to hearing all about it. It's 2 or 3 days, all the drama is completely unnecessary.

My two children have been doing sleepovers and camps with various clubs since they were 6. My eldest is 10 and will be doing a 7 night camp in the summer and going abroad with guides in the autumn.

They’ve always had an amazing time, as did I when I was growing up, and they always come back a little more independent and confident than before. I think it’s definitely worth encouraging them to spend time away where they can learn new skills and bond with their friends.

I agree. Residentials weren’t a thing in my primary school. Somehow we’ve all managed to grow up into functioning adults!!

I was a very sheltered child and not allowed to go to the shops on my own at that age or walk to school etc and I loved the year 5 residential. Obviously I can’t speak for any SEN children as it’s a different situation, but I’d be interested to see of the kids who do go, what their thoughts are before and after.

Is cost a big factor - it’s easier to say your child will be homesick rather than it’s unaffordable.

Anxiety is worn almost as a badge nowadays. Parents don’t teach resilience if a child is anxious.
Nowadays? anxiety has always been an issue. Granted it was described as suffering with nerves or hysteria depending on the time, valium was prescribed like smarties for 40 years, but teenagers today apparently invented anxiety.

Honestly some parents are ridic. One of the school mums airtagged their kid on a school trip the other day and all the other mums were anxiously messaging in the group back and forth - “where are they now etc etc” 🙄

DD9 has just come back from a residential for two nights. The whole class went which was great. She did say she was upset the first night, but ok the second. We have next to no opportunities for her to stay at others overnight (no grandparents) for this to become a natural thing, but it’s so important to project confidence in these situations and for the kids to build resilience. It’s the skill so many of the young these days are lacking. It’s ok to not be ok sometimes. Sad to hear parents worries being transposed on kids.

My DC 10 (year 5) got back from a 4 night school residential yesterday (mostly y6 but about 10 year 5's went) he had the most amazing time. I'm a brownie guider and love pack holidays as do all of the girls we take so I was keen for him to go and have similar experiences. That year was in lockdown 1 in reception and missed all the parties/play dates and the beginning of doing small things independently, I've noticed a few in his class struggle with anxiety.

I see more and more children afraid of their own shadow essentially year on year. A record number of Year 6 children aren't going on our residential this year, after a record number last year. Next year's cohort is already looking to break this year's record!

A lot of it is down to the parents not wanting to pay for a trip like the OP said when they don't see it as 'necessary' (ours is only 3 days, 2 nights, keep the costs under control by booking early, etc) AND having children that just can't cope being away from their parents for so long and parents who seem to encourage this.

It's sad, really. Fair number of them can't even tie their own shoes, let alone show any real independence at pretty much anything... A significant number of parents really do seem to be failing at parenting and raising their children to be independent, confident young people.

I have 3 DC, all home ed. Eldest is Y6, autistic, can't cope with leaving home. Never slept away.
Middle is Y4, lots of away trips under his belt. Started at 6yo with Beavers and has been begging to go to every single one since. He wants to go to football camp in summer for 5 nights. Just loves it.
Youngest is Y2 and just about to have his first Beavers camp.

I don't worry at all about letting them go.
None of them go to shops etc as I worry about someone notifying Social Services. We live in bubble down here in Surrey. There are never any kids just playing outside or walking anywhere on their own.
We had a neighbour who was 10 and during summer constantly walking about (also autistic, this was his way of relaxing).
The amount of other neighbours making comments implying that (neglectful) parents just 'let him wonder' was shocking.
He was 10!

My daughter has a y6 residential coming up and I’d like for her to go. It’s her decision and she’s said no. She’s slept over at a friends before but feels two nights with some class members she’s not too keen on is different. I respect that. Just giving my input here..sometimes it’s the child who has reservations.

Must be area dependant again as I don’t know a single parent using anything other than adult sitters and tbh mostly it’s adult family no children babysitting.

That's really sad. Children need to develop independence and resilience and residentials are a great way to do that in a safe space. I work in a SEN school and earlier this year we took our year 5s and 6s on a residential for 2 nights. Out of 70 kids only about 15 didn't come. All those that did go are cognitively, behaviourally and emotionally between nursery and year 2 level. Several are still in pull ups and require high levels of personal care. All have significant barriers in everyday life. It wasn't without it's ups and downs but they all had a great time and the progress they made in those 3 days was immeasurable in so many ways. It's sad that parents hold these experiences back from their children due to their own anxieties.