Sad about reaction to summer residential trip but is it a sign of the times?

I’m one of the other parents .I simply do not see the benefit ? I don’t particularly feel ok with my child sleeping away from home either at that age and being 5 days away ? Is there any actual benefits to this that have been proven in any way ?

There was a thread on here recently where someone said that parents in her DC’s class were arranging to stay in hotels near the residential! Absolutely bonkers (unless there’s a specific need, obviously, but it didn’t sound like it in this case).

DS has SEN and finds residentials difficult; he’s been sent home a couple of times from different things. I wouldn’t force him to go (there’s no point; he gets stressed and throws up and then gets sent home), but I do encourage him to take part as much as possible (even if I have to drive him there in the morning and pick him up in the evening, which is still quite stressful for him, but he can push himself and do that much). Too many parents just seem to say “No it’s too much” and it’s not doing their kids any favours.

We’ve actually noticed a bit of this in work over the past few years. There’s an annual work-related event in the US, a sort of networking thing. For those who go, they basically get a free trip to New York, where they have to go to a conference from 9-5 but are otherwise free to do whatever they want; the company generally offer to let them stay on for the weekend as well, to do whatever they like; they’re also fine with allowing people to bring along an extra person (partner or friend, at their own expense). Obviously it’s not everyone’s cup of tea; it’s not compulsory and some people don’t fancy it or can’t go due to childcare etc, but when I joined 20 years ago I’d say about 50% of new joiners went. It was very much seen as a free holiday and people (usually recent grads) were excited to have the opportunity to travel a bit. Now we find that maybe 2 or 3 are interested every year, out of about 15-20 new joiners. Of the rest, the vast majority say they don’t want to go because it’s too scary to go away with people they don’t know (as it happens once per year, some of them will have been in the company for 11 months by the time it rolls around). It’s a little bit sad that they won’t even consider it.

I’ve only ever seen this with one parent so I find it strange when people talk about how widespread this is. My DS has been on school residentials, multiple cub and scout camps and no parents seem like this. DD has been on lots of cub camps. We actively encourage them to go. It really frustrates me when parents project their ridiculous worries onto their children, it doesn’t prepare them for anything. If you don’t trust the school why are your DC there?!

I agree, that we have to swallow our fear, and be grateful today children more openly discuss feelings, trusting with their parents.

We cannot be naive either.

More than 250 convicted of child sexual abuse in UK and Ireland while in Scout movement.

The USA gymnastic team scandal.

The Irish olympic swimming team scandal.

It sadly happens, we can only warn them of the dangers.

We definitely baby children these days, whilst at the same time giving them too much freedom online. It's insane.

Beavers/cubs and brownies have been amazing experiences for my children to experience being away with friends and their confidence has grown with that.

And then you read all over here people saying how they were abused as a child or had awful encounters with a friends dad etc. I don’t let my kids roam around for the fact that I know how much shit happens when parents’ backs are turned. Also, just on a basic safety level there are so many more cars now. My children are my most precious people. They are everything to me. Would I leave my phone on a park bench for an hour? No. So why the hell would I let my child (especially at 5?!) out of my sight? It’s insanity. And screaming ‘anxiety’ is ridiculous. No people are just more open about the abuse they’ve experienced than they used to be so we’re more conscious and aware of how easy it is for harm to come to a child.

i wasn’t even allowed out young but still I had been shown porn by age 7 by a friend, seen a man wanking in public by age 8, had my disgusting neighbour drooling over my legs by age 9 and looking through my window while on his ladder and by 11 had fully grown men leering at me on the street.

And it’s not just adults is it? You think poor jamie bulger was the only kid every to have been abused by other kids? Plenty of kids are sexually or otherwise abused by kids their age or older.

the fact you’re acting like everyone else is crazy when you’re the one who lets a five year old out of your sight for significant periods of time is absolutely mind boggling

I agree. It is a sign of the times and the future. There are adults who can not flush toilets, tidy away their equipment, wash dishes, wash themselves even. It is sad; they seem like spectators in their own life.

In my DC's school residentials started in Y4 and most if not all children went. My DC started sleepovers at friends' houses in Y3. They had other friends that had started in Reception.

My yr4 DD has just had a 2 night trip and the parents on the WhatsApp were absolutely batshit while they were away - couldn't sleep, moping around without "their little mate"

Honestly it was a bit pathetic - it doesn't seem healthy to me to be so obsessed with your kid and it doesn't surprise me when they then become anxious themselves

My DD has been excited for it since she got back from the overnight one in yr2 - roll on the 5 days in yr6!

This generation are going to be very protected in some ways and absolutely more vulnerable in others. Like I said, there was no halcyon days of freedom without danger, I was abused, touched, groomed you name it.
As many parents were in the 80's 90's, they were also abused, touched groomed, sadly some were raped, back then you told your friends, no parental input.
It's no wonder parents are nervous nowadays, there is more awareness of dangers and even more young men into violent porn.
I wouldn't wish those experienced on anyone.

I rode my bike a mile to purchase my mum's cigarettes at age 7, LOL, so it's difficult for me to relate. And we lived in a low-income, not especially safe area.

I do think it stunts children when they are constantly warned of danger and constantly sheltered. (SEN excepted of course). The idea of not leaving kids with babysitters or allowing sleepovers or driving kids everywhere they go is mind-boggling to me. I doubt my parents knew the surname of half the kids we had sleepovers with, and they weren't neglectful, they were considered quite protective by prevailing standards.

I sometimes work with uni students and the lack of resourcefulness is saddening. They don't know how to cope with any unexpected challenge, obstacle, delay or problem. I was driving around on road trips and spending nights by myself in Premier Inns at 18.

Parents need to think of the welfare of the human being they are raising, not assuaging their own anxieties.

Blimey! We got taught about strangers in the 1970s! I grew up in a really nice area. Weird and dangerous people don’t just go around council areas that you mention OP. They go everywhere.

Not sure why your parents thought you were any safer in the 1990s.

My DD's school starts residentials in Yr3 with one night away, 2 nights Yr4, 4 nights Yr5, 5 nights Yr 6. Pretty much everyone goes so I don't relate to your experience.

DD is only in Yr2 now but it had never occurred to me not to send her for the residential next year, she is quite excited for it. I think parents here are more relaxed about dcs being away from home as it's an affluent area, there are lots of nannies (who will often look after dcs overnight while parents travel away), and most parents are used to using childcare for leisure purposes eg kids clubs in premium resorts. Kids don't really play out though, they will be used to being in lots of holiday clubs and extracurricular activities. But everyone gets used to travelling across London by Yr 7 as all secondary aged kids use public transport to get to school (or walk).

I had a lot of freedom and independence to do what I liked as a teenager. I wouldn't advise it, and definitely would have benefitted from missing out on it.

There was underage sex, drugs, alcohol, My friends and I dealt with some really adult situations, badly too, sometimes I feel sad for my younger self.

There is a balance, sugar coating the past is ridiculous.

Parents didn't have time or awareness to nurture and protect, the friends I have met as an adult who were protected and nurtured are fabulous adults, there is pros and cons.

i sent my daughter on hers, but i can honestly say i hated mine, i didn't enjoy any of them, sharing a dorm with other kids was hell, the food they served was awful and i barely ate.

I don't think there is anything constructive or useful about those trips other than it being an 'experience'

My DS didn't go on any as he needs sensory lights, music and medication to get any sleep at all, and is up/down all night, and i'm not making any staff member have to deal with that.

I’ve got two DC with SEN who were quite anxious and had rarely been overnight away from home at that age (partly because we have no extended family nearby). They were both scared about going on residential trips but they did it - we discussed it a lot and they luckily had nice teachers who understood their worries and were reassuring. I think the trips really helped them both to grow a lot and gain confidence. Re some PPs, I am anxious myself, but it’s well-managed and I try not to pass it on.

As it happened one of them ended up supporting a friend who was horribly homesick and it was my DC who was the strong one for her.

Having said that I wouldn’t force a terrified, clearly objecting child to go, especially if there was a bullying situation or only mean teachers.

I relate to this! Some have said I maybe autistic but I’m not, I’m just introverted. Daughter is the same but independent and strong willed. No way will she be influenced by me!

Absolutely parental anxiety, rubbed off on the children. My children have been openly encouraged by us to attend camps and overnights trips within scouting since they were 6. We have encourage friendships/tea/sleepovers. My children have never been worried about leaving us, even if I've had a wobble (but not let them see it) I've still encouraged them to go. They experience things far greater than what we can offer then on some of these trips.

My brother's children, have been Molly coddled by their mother. Wrapped up and kept at home and not had the same encouragement to explore things outside their home. Children have huge anxiety, the siblings can't cope with being apart from one another now either apparently and the bloody dog gets anxiety over being away from them 🤦🏻‍♀️ weird.

One of the school mums airtagged their kid on a school trip the other day and all the other mums were anxiously messaging in the group back and forth - “where are they now etc etc”

Kid should have chucked it out of the window on the coach.

I fail to see getting drunk underage in parks and clubs or taking drugs at 15 at Reading as something to be applauded.

Where did pp say anything about getting drunk underage in the park or taking drugs?

I went in pubs at sixteen. My parents knew I met my friends there. We talked and had a shandy or two. No-one got drunk.

I have read about Scout groups that put 'cuddly toy' on the kit list for camp, the idea being that if everyone has one, those who need their own special toy don't stand out.

Thinning back to my residential trips. Although they must of been considered educational I couldn’t tell you what we learnt.

Apart from getting a good shot at throwing paper airplane messages to boys outside and smuggling items we were not supposed to have. Tip toeing around the corridors to get to others rooms late at night.

Just to offer a different perspective. I went on lots of residential trips as a child as my parents had to work and they needed to occupy me in the summer. I didn't particularly enjoy them but I had no choice and my parents thought it would be good for me and build resilience.

It didn't. I have shit memories from them and even as an adult I despise sharing my space and bathroom with other people (other than DH), I can't sleep in the same room as another person unless I wear ear plugs, the trips didn't create any new friendships for me, and I find being around people all day everyday extremely stimulating and exhausting. I love nothing more than coming home at the end of the day to my quiet bedroom. I enjoyed activities that allowed me to be home at night a lot more.

It's so sad that lots of children aren't getting to experience school residentials. They can be so much fun & really enriching.

I worry so much when my two sons have been/are on them but I won't transfer my anxiety to them or stop them going.

DS1's (now 20) primary school had a 5 day trip to France in year 5 & 6. He went in year 6 and had the best time. He was a nervy, anxious child but it did him the world of good.

DS2 is the complete opposite and lives for his trips with friends. He had 2 x 3 night stays when in primary school and 3 x wild camps (no tent etc) also in primary years. He beach camped in year 8, went to Germany for a week in year 9, Has an outdoor extreme activity week in May (year 10) & going to Iceland in year 12. So many amazing memories made and its made him so confident to try new things.