Sad about reaction to summer residential trip but is it a sign of the times?

I wish my DC could experience similar to my childhood too but roads are about 70% more crowded with traffic nowadays and I barely feel safe walking about myself and crossing roads. I witness cars plowing through red lights at pedestrian crossings regularly including when people are crossing. Cars regularly cut curbs so pedestrians aren’t even safe on the pavement. I was once almost mowed down on a zebra crossing.

Thats not particularly relevant to letting kids go on residential trips but is just one small aspect of modern life that causes parents to feel more protective of their kids.

That said, we often remember the past through rose tinted glasses too. I remember after a widely reported child murder case my dad gave me a whistle and I carried it everywhere for years until it rusted up.

We need to work to make society safer for children again so that we feel safe to give them these opportunities which I agree are important.

Ugh. Was on a school trip where teaching staff phones warned us there was an airtag in the group ... it was quickly found and confiscated for the day and parents were talked to. Poor kid was mortified.

I think the benefit is not just that it's fun (hopefully) and an adventure, trying new things, going away with your friends etc. – but also that it does take some courage (for most kids) and doing something that is a bit scary and managing it is how confidence and independence grows.

They mature a fair bit between Year 5 and 6. Most of them will be 10 or 11 on the trip. That’s a perfectly reasonable age to be away with a group of kids the same age, with good adult supervision. Most kids that age can get themselves to bed and up in the morning without too much adult supervision, other than hurrying them along. If your DC has extra help at school, have you discussed if they can provide this on the trip?

We should also remember we’re still immediately post-pandemic and these kids spent the first couple of school years in lock downs, so are likely to be a little behind kids the same age pre-pandemic. The pandemic, followed by cost of living crisis, have led to families getting used to being holed up at home together, fewer sleepovers etc.

I haven’t read the responses here OP so sorry if I am repeating others or have missed anything else important!

I think it’s a sign of the times but likely in a good way. A lot more is recognised now about things that happened at sleepovers or residential trips that wasn’t appropriate (at worst), or at best just wasn’t alright for the child. The things we or those older than us done as children and young people wasn’t necessarily right and things will always evolve and change and will do so for our children’s children, too. I think it will also depend on communities and the part of the country you are in, British culture is still pretty different from town to town and what is normal for everybody.

I never went on school residentials for various reasons and had limited sleepovers (other than v v close friends and fam) until high school. I don’t feel I missed out!

I agree. All the things we found a bit thrilling and enticing as kids - trips without parents, scary movies, doing anything we considered grown up and exciting for our age - they just seem to find so anxiety inducing and distressing now. A lot of kids in DD class still hang on to parents crying at drop off, and they’re year 1.

I think our constant warnings about how unsafe the world is has resulted in a generation of anxious kids who see risk round every corner.

It reminds me of a thread I read on here where a poster’s daughter (who was18/19) had gone clubbing with an older sibling who lost her in the crowd. She ran out of the club hysterical because in the crowd a man had touched her waist to get past her, found herself on the street where again she felt unsafe but didn’t get a taxi as she was worried the driver would be a sex pest. All the ‘warnings’ that sex offenders were round every corner actually rendered her more unsafe as she was paralysed by indecision and unable to make smart decisions as she considered them too risky.

No at school I had the well known school peadophile keep me after class only to sit on the same same seat as me and ask me to take off my tights before I made my excuses and ran. He was later (years later) done for child sexual abuse and all the parents were like ohh why didn’t you all tell us - decades of kids staring back at them saying we did but you all thought we were just being kids talking smack about a teacher.

three other teachers and one admin were. Arrested and charged too over the years my siblings and I were at the school. several friends and friends of siblings were directly abused by them or groomed.

a male teacher bought us vodka and fags and let us vanish off on a Europe trip at age 13. One girl was raped. The rest of us were as stupidly behaved as kids are likely to be on vodka as 13 year olds.

i went to a “outstanding” school in an affluent area.

here’s some sleepover experiences I had before the age of 11:
drunk bipolar dad came in swinging a machete talking about being Lawrence or Arabia

red wined mum screamed bloody murder because we were talking too much at 10pm and sat over us on the sofa swigging from the bottle and muttering until we fell asleep

a different mother had a complete bizarre sobbing fest and sent us to the pool on our own where I fell into the hot tub and almost slipped under the cover. My friend pulled me out but it could’ve gone the other way. We also sat in the sauna for about an hour which is obviously a stupid thing to do.

My friends dad took us out in the sea in a boat with no jackets and no coats or blankets while he swam and we wended up with near hypothermia and were sick for days. No one knew he had taken us out. It was the middle of winter.

at school my friend and I felt we saw signs of being groomed by a sports teacher - did speak to the head of sport and she said she was afraid he might do this and sacked him?!!! She knew he couldn’t be trusted and hired him as a favour as he was a friend.

i feel like I live in an alternate universe sometimes. Did you never experience any of these types of things? Genuinely curious.

my kids are super capable, so a lot of extra curricula stuff. They can book hotels, restaurants, they can cook. They can navigate bus timetables and trains (but they don’t do it alone ifyswim - they do it, I get guided by them). They are confident and able to talk to adults as well as other kids. the go to day activities with activitiy leaders we have known for several years and trust (as far as you can). As they get older they get trusted to stray further a bit at a time. I don’t feel crazy for wanting to keep my children safe and supervised. I feel like they’ll be adults soon enough and that’s fine. They’re not going to be less adult for me risking them being kidnapped or run over while their brains are literally not developed enough to cope with the boring task of getting ready for school without a strop, let alone an emergency. 5 year olds are babies.

have you seen those social experiments where people are asked whether they think their kid would go off with a stranger if they offered them ice cream or a puppy or whatvevr, and the parents are shocked when the kid does follow the stranger (actor) because they believe they’ve taught them about stranger danger etc. kids are stupid. I know I was. I was even as a teen and I was pretty boring and sensible!

This is the uk so I fully expect they’ll be galavanting by 14, drinking cheap vodka in parks as we all have but I don’t think that makes them particularly independent or better more capable human beings Exposing kids to harm doesn’t make them stronger, it gives them trauma to discuss in therapy.

I think it's so important to encourage independence and resilience in DC. Staying away from home is one good way of building this up but there are others. I feel so cross with adults who project their own anxieties on to their DC, there's just no excuse. Let your kids explore the world themselves and stop wrapping them up in cotton wool.

I think something has gone wrong somewhere, children used to love an adventure away from home. When I was on holiday last summer 2 primary aged children had to sit next to a stranger whilst their parents stood in the aisle and they were sitting themselves, needed constant reassurance, I thought how sad it was.

Sleepovers weren't a given. I went on a few. Some families allowed them, others didn't.

Maybe in the U.K. but not in here I grew up . Nobody had sleepovers

Sleepovers were definitely a thing in the 80s and 90s! I had sleepovers with primary school friends in the 80s from about age 9/10; and in secondary school, individual sleepovers, and also birthday sleepover parties, where several girls would stay over, watch films with sweets and crisps and just sleep in duvets on the birthday child’s living room floor. It was probably more of a thing than today, to be honest, because it wasn’t as common then to have expensive activity parties like kids have these days.

It’s hardly surprising, is it? Look at how many parents on Mn would prefer never to leave the house, loathe and fear the slightest social contact with others, resent invitations, don’t want to go on holiday because it’s stressful and unfamiliar and they prefer not to sleep anywhere other than their own bed. That’s inevitable going to rub off on their children.

Residentials were really formative for me. I had a very anxious mum who was not in the least bit adventurous and I credit school trips with setting me on a path to live abroad.

My schools were pretty shit but the trips were great and some of the things I really remember.

y6: week long residential in the UK
y7: week long activity residential (amazing trip)
y8: France
y:9 spain
y12 Spain

My daughter is due to do a two night trip this year. I want her to go on as many trips as possible and I’d do my best to facilitate them. however, it sounds like the school won’t be able to offer as many as they’re so tight on funds and not everyone pays the voluntary contribution and the rules are so tight on charging. It would be such a shame if more and more schools are unable to run them.

I've been teaching since the 90s, many modern parents need hand holding themselves, this was not the case until the last decade.

What about fun, independence, bonding with friends, getting to do sports and activities they couldn’t do at home, having new experiences, enjoying a different kind of atmosphere to home?

I agree that 5 days seems a lot for year 6, but my DD absolutely loved her year 6 residential which was 2 nights 3 days, and would have stayed longer if she could! They did sports and team building activities like building a raft, kayaking, rope climbing etc.; they watched the football all together with cocoa and popcorn; they had enormous amounts of fun bonding time with friends and saw a more fun side to the teachers and just had so much to talk about afterwards. DD literally came back saying they had been the best days of her life so far 😆 She didn’t always like all the food or every activity they did, but the fun massively outweighed that.

Obviously it might be more difficult for a child with food allergies or strong dislikes, or who is particularly shy. But there is so much to be gained from the bonding with friends and the camaraderie. I didn’t go on a residential at that age (I don’t think it was a thing then in my area!), but I went on girl guide camps which were very similar and which I hugely enjoyed!

I came on to say this. Even if the trip is subsidised there might still be the cost of boots, waterproofs, swimwear etc and it all adds up if you are struggling.

One thing concerning me about an upcoming trip is that if anything goes wrong (illness) then school expect me to travel to the location to collect DC. I don't drive and therefore have no way of getting there.

You don't have kids to satisfy your own beef for company, these are real humans/citizens you're raising.

Why don't you think children can walk to and from? My kids were doing it from year 3, the school I work at now also lets them from year 3.

It's not times that have changed, it's parents, if anything the loss of community and sense of self-entitlement has added to it because if a neighbour, auntie or grandparent told this generation of parents to get a grip and let go, it wouldn't go down well but essentially that's what needs to happen.
If a parent doesn't start to let go how are they showing their child that they trust and believe in them?

But then they’ll be going from never having spent a night away, to living away full time? Would you not feel more reassured if they made the step up gently by going on residentials etc first?

I went back to work at 9 mths and someone once said absolutely... As they grow up

Mine went away at age 6 for a night. I freaked the whole time but they had a fab time. Was chatting to a stay at home mum whose kid is same age now 10 and she was freaking out about a night away .

Kids love it. Parents panic. Bit we have to let them go. Kids grow up ....

No maybe there isn’t , so there really is no bed for them ? What’s your point ? I don’t see the benefit of sending children away 5 days .in fact makes me uncomfortable.

I simply do not see the benefit ?

Do you see the benefit in going out to MacDonalds or to Costa or to a theme park or the pub or going away on holiday or getting a takeaway or buying a new bag or top or jumper just because you like it or upgrading your phone or spending a bit more on hair or beauty products.... I mean is there any actual benefit to any of those things that have been proven in any way ?

And ? Where I grow up we don’t do residentials at all . We actually had 3 days abroad in year 9 ( 14 to 15 years old ) and I think that was my first time sleeping away . I grew up in the 80s and 90s and sleepovers where not a thing outside spending a few days with the grandparents. I still went in to uni and left home with no issues and have kids a career a partner etc .
why is having my children sleeping away that important ? I honestly don’t get it .