Sad about reaction to summer residential trip but is it a sign of the times?

Re mobile phones - they weren’t allowed

All of my DS’s class went on residential last year. I think a couple were nervous but all went including the child with SEN.

Not sure if the age of them when Covid happened impacts it or where in the country they are.

The children are invariably fine it’s definitely fuelled by parent anxiety eg repeatedly texting child.

I think mobile phones can help fuel it. Because parents are so easily able to contact the child. So you can have long conversations with the child that you just couldn't have in the past.

Whereas when we went on trips we just had to get on with it. Yes, there was homesickness and yes I remember tears in the tent in Y5, but it was seen as normal and something we would cope with.

Its safer than it was for us back in the 80s and 90s. I wonder how many of these parents don't let their children do this kind of real world stuff but allow them to have phones and SM. We are destroying our children.

I'm a bit surprised about this OP. I have three teenagers, so year 6 is only a few years ago for them, and no one in their classes missed the year 6 residential.

This was being discussed at our parent council meeting last week.
There is an huge amount of anxiety, really coming from the parents. Our school has a p7 (age 11) residential camp, 4 nights. Youngest did it this year and loved it, despite being quite anxious, oldest DC did it 6 years ago, also loved it, also anxious.
DC2 refused to go, they are autistic and I did want to push it.
They are the one who is keen to do a European trip with the history department now he’s in high school.

That’s fucking tragic.

My two sons are men now. Both of then went on every residential trip available. Scouts camps, PGL, year 6 end of year trip, skiing in secondary and a working week in Gambia with the sixth form.
For comfort one of them took his best teddy with him on the scout camp and year 6 week away (to be hidden in the bottom of the sleeping bag.)
I had moments of anxiety during every trip but that was my problem - not theirs! You have to let them breathe away from you - let them develop a bit of resilience.

Oh - my older son, off to scout camp, forgot to take his towel. I was all, "How will he cope without one?" My DH said, "He'll be fine. He's a boy - we don't mind being a bit dirty."
He was fine.

We should be telling our kids that feeling nervous is normal, and shouldn't stop you from trying new things. Instead I think more parents are telling their children they don't have to do anything that makes them even slightly anxious, and aren't helping their children push through these challenges. Obviously I'm not saying we should force seriously distressed children to do terrifying things, but there is a balance and if we want kids to have resilience we need to find it.

I couldn’t get mine out of the house fast enough for overnight school trips 😂

very sad to hear parents are passing anxieties down to children. It is worrying. I’m generation X. What on earth are millennial parents on about?

My boys loved school trips and scout camps. They got so much out of them, building friendships, resilience and independence.

I went on a few residential's as a kid. I did love spending time with my mates. However i really disliked the long coach journeys.

Lots of parents don't allow their dc any chance to become independent, to their detriment. Mine have been going to the shops alone since they were about 8/9. Obviously a short, safe distance building up to longer as they've got older. When I was young there were obviously no phones to stay in touch, at least now they can ring if there's a problem.

I fear a friend of mine will end up taking her son to secondary school on the bus as she's so neurotic about letting him do anything, he's 10 and she stands watching him play outside with friends

Your job as a parent is to prepare your child for adult life. Being away from you, gaining independence is part of that.

I hope the parents are able to let the children go. It’s so good for them. I think the lack of residential and overnight trips unfortunately make the year 6 one a big one for first timers.

I think the children would cope fine, it's the parents who have the issue, and project on the children.
My DC all went on a school residential in Y4. Totally fine, as was everyone else. One of mine did cry a bit but the others cheered her up. And she loved it.
I actually see residentials as v different from walking to school. Walking to school there are cars and stranger danger. On a school residential, they are all in one place, no cars, and lots of safeguarding.
It's really a non issue. Unfortunately i think there is a snowball effect. If one parent pulls out their kid, it makes it more likely the others will.

My dcs very much enjoyed the yr 6 residential - and they were very quiet children. I think one of the highlights of ds’s life was seeing the deputy head in his pyjamas! You need those bonding moments in life - the good laughs, the giggling.

Dd had a friend at primary whose dm was terribly anxious about her dd. She said that she cried every day her dd was away on the trip and she went and slept in her dd’s bed… Anyway, the dd has now changed gender and has gone nc with her dm. Just sayin’ .

I’m an 80’s kid. I remember being sooo home sick on my residential. 5 days was too much for me at 11 and I literally couldn’t wait to get home. My DD didn’t really enjoy her residential, although she did go with encouragement. It was only 2 days.

Im not sure there is necessarily a ‘cause’, just different personalities.

I’m a single parent - it’s think it’s my job to in-still confidence and independence in my eldest - since age 9 she will stay home alone whilst I nip to the corner shop, or take her sibling for a hair cut. She’ll walk back from the shops and she does sleepovers with her friends

parental anxiety is the one of the worst things you can put on a child

Also... we get some children who don't enjoy camps as we don't allow mobile phones. Not because they can't contact their parents... but its the games apps and talking to friends etc (despite having some of their friends there with them!)

I’ve been on a lot of school residentials as staff and whereas there used to always be one or two children that would need some cajoling I’ve seen a marked increase in full blown anxiety in the last few years. Most common is children not sleeping, eating or participating in activities due to anxiety. The big difference I think is when children struggled, most of the time they would be receptive to strategies and we could get them to a place mentally where they could watch or cheer their peers on in activities but that’s becoming harder and harder.

My ds went on one of those PGL holidays for a week when he was year 5, that was 2019 so the year before the pandemic.He didn't know a single other child there, but he's always been confident.

I on the other hand hated school trips when I was a child, even just the days out! I was an anxious insecure kid. I'm so glad I didn't pass that onto ds.

social media has created a world that doesn’t exist!! Everyone is a predator if you read Facebook - they are not it’s still extremely rare and more likely to happen by someone they know. My son is going skiing with school he’ll be 9. Year 5. He’ll be Italy will be nerves be gone for every second he not here? Yes will I stop him having experiences because there is 0.1% chance something will happen absolutely not?

Why is it sad if the child wouldn’t enjoy it and might be actively hate it and be miserable?

You sound like my camping obsessed friend who thinks that everyone who doesn’t go camping is missing out. She won’t shut up about trying to get me to go camping again though I’d take more pleasure in being hit over the head with the nearest blunt object.

I was put under pressure to send my daughter who really didn't want to go. She cried the whole time, I was mega stressed. It just isn't worth it. You do you and let other people do what suits them.

(She has grown up fine by the way. An independent and strong woman. It means nothing in the scheme of things).

My two are older (17 and 19) and had school residentials in Year 2 (1 night) Year 4 (2 nights) and Year 6 (3 nights) when they were at Primary.

From what I can remember, nearly all of the children went although there were a couple who were homesick and their parents were on hand to speak to them when they were away.

It's so sad that children are missing out, whether it's their decision or their parents.