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AIBU?

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To have complained about another mum’s swimming ‘costume’

558 replies

Raven25 · 22/03/2025 13:48

This morning I went to a weekly parents/young children swimming session with my DD at a national hotel/leisure club chain. We go most weeks and there’s usually a similar crowd in attendance.

It is predominantly other Mum’s who go, with the odd Dad.

Today, one of the other Mum’s was wearing what I can only describe as a thong, in fact it was more of a g string and barely contained her modesty. My DD pointed at her from the pool when she was walking in the opposite direction and asked where her clothes were. I could tell others in the pool had noticed her and didn’t know what to think.

Everyone else was wearing all in one style costumes or the odd bikini which actually fits.

I found this completely inappropriate given it was a swimming session for toddlers/young children, that outfit was more appropriate for someone on only fans!

On the way out, I spoke to one of the staff on reception and asked them whether they enforce certain standards to which I was told it’s up to visitors what they wear but they draw the line at any full nudity - which I’d argue this was. They didn’t seem too bothered and the young female colleague listening in next to her said ‘it’s nice to see a mum with that much confidence’ which I felt was rude. It’s not about confidence, it’s about respect.

I’ve got home and told DH who thinks I was ridiculous to complain and says he’d be embarrassed to turn up there with me next time we go to the gym together!

OP posts:
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9
TreesAreLife · 23/03/2025 08:51

I took a group of 11 year old boys to a UK outside waterpark, the kind with a load of inflatables moored in a lake. There was a 20 something lady there wearing a thong. The park let you hire a wetsuit, but she only had on the mandatory life vest. The boys actually never noticed her, but I did chuckle while watching her bum cheeks go down the inflatable slides, can you imagine the friction she must have had. And when she bounced in the air, her legs flew everywhere and you could see it all!
I did think it was a very impractical choice of clothing for where we were, but it has made a funny story ever since.

YourLuckyPearlGoose · 23/03/2025 07:59

I would have had a giggle (because I’m immature) but I wouldn’t have complained. I would have taught my child not to comment on other people’s clothing though.

unsync · 23/03/2025 07:58

My gym has recently sent a reminder email that thongs are not appropriate pool wear on the grounds of decency and hygiene.

PrincessOfPreschool · 23/03/2025 07:58

RobertaFirmino · 22/03/2025 13:56

It's only buttocks. We all have them. Nothing to get het up about.

We all have genitals too. I don't want to see other people's at the pool.

As a PP said, we teach children about private areas and that people should not ask to see them and they should not show them. Your private area is basically what's covered by pants/ knickers.

From NSPCC:
Privates are private
Your underwear covers up your private parts and no one should ask to see or touch them. Sometimes a doctor, nurse or family members might have to. But they should always explain why, and ask you if it's OK first. Remember, what's in your pants belongs only to you.

Her lack of clothing was totally inappropriate in a children's session.

luckbug · 23/03/2025 07:49

5128gap · 23/03/2025 07:25

No, course they wouldn't. Some would laugh at how ridiculous he looked. Others might think it was concerning for a man to wear revealing swim wear, which isn't really a thing for men in the UK, so would look suspect. You see, men are not women are they? There are different clothing trends, different swimwear expectations, and of course, different levels of likelihood they are going to be inappropriate. Trying to pretend it would be the same is pointless and silly.

We all realise there are different levels of inappropriateness for women and men. A woman was allowed to attend a televised reward ceremony wearing nothing but a see through cloth recently.

At what point women question what is really driving these trends and what are women getting out of it - not practically and comfort, that’s for sure. Arguably, not earning respect, either.

Wicked123 · 23/03/2025 07:47

Namerequired · 22/03/2025 13:54

It’s not for me and I would have raised an eyebrow, but I wouldn’t have complained.

This is pretty much what I was going to write too…

WildJadeWasp · 23/03/2025 07:46

I'm with you OP.
Totally inappropriate at the local swimming pool.
Ok to do so if she's on some trashy holiday with a nudist beach.

CorbyTrouserPress · 23/03/2025 07:44

Flowersinthehood · 23/03/2025 07:41

Again, sumo wrestlers. I don’t see anyone rioting at sumo wrestling stadiums about the male arse. Male arses are funny right? Women should be ashamed.

Probably because you don’t get many sumo wrestlers rocking up to a toddler’s swimming session.

tallcurvey · 23/03/2025 07:43

@Raven25

if her ladies areas and nipples were cover who do you think you are to judge others.
i think you are completely being unbelievable to complain.

Flowersinthehood · 23/03/2025 07:41

Again, sumo wrestlers. I don’t see anyone rioting at sumo wrestling stadiums about the male arse. Male arses are funny right? Women should be ashamed.

CorbyTrouserPress · 23/03/2025 07:34

WhenYouSayNothingAtAll · 23/03/2025 07:31

A lot of parents wouldn’t let their 5 yo (boy or girl) wear a bikini at all, so I’m not sure that’s an appropriate benchmark.

I disagree. You can buy standard bikinis for 5 year olds. You cannot buy thong bikinis for 5 year olds. Why is that?

WhenYouSayNothingAtAll · 23/03/2025 07:31

Phonicshaskilledmeoff · 23/03/2025 06:57

If it isn’t overtly sexual or exhibitionism, have a think about why we aren’t happy with our 5 year old boys wearing thong bikini bottoms.

As I mentioned have no issue with nudity per se. I would take kids to nude beaches and use same sex changing rooms. it’s this weird peekaboo style micro bikini that I think is deliberately sexual.

A lot of parents wouldn’t let their 5 yo (boy or girl) wear a bikini at all, so I’m not sure that’s an appropriate benchmark.

5128gap · 23/03/2025 07:25

DrummingMousWife · 22/03/2025 13:50

I don’t think you are unreasonable. If a man walked around with his arse cut out of his shorts, every mum in the pool would be rioting ! People have to learn to reign in their need for constant attention.

No, course they wouldn't. Some would laugh at how ridiculous he looked. Others might think it was concerning for a man to wear revealing swim wear, which isn't really a thing for men in the UK, so would look suspect. You see, men are not women are they? There are different clothing trends, different swimwear expectations, and of course, different levels of likelihood they are going to be inappropriate. Trying to pretend it would be the same is pointless and silly.

luckbug · 23/03/2025 07:18

It’s just a body, yes. But it’s always women in skimpy clothing, and not because it’s more practical. A grown woman showing her bottom to toddlers. And all women calling you jealous if you were to say anything. Huge society problem, created and encouraged by patriarchy, and not actually a result of women feeling confident.

CheesePlantBoxes · 23/03/2025 07:14

StartEngine · 23/03/2025 00:59

Oh you’re so cool that you wouldn’t notice a thing, wish I was that cool. I’d think it was funny and gross and badly judged.

Why do you care what my opinion is enough to make a sarky comeback? You cam have your own opinion.

mediumdicketh · 23/03/2025 07:10

My son literally went straight in the pool I had to stop him from drowning as he went beyond his depth whilst I saved him in a pool full of families he decided to pull my whole tit out I was embarrassed more than anything was that inappropriate? I think you should be more focused on what your toddler is doing in the water than what someone is wearing. If you don't like it that's your valued opinion but it's appropriate for the leisure centre

lalaladyday · 23/03/2025 07:04

It’s true that we probably shouldn’t be shocked by a very skimpy bikini - we all have bums after all! - but to be fair to OP, it’s about context. I remember seeing two young Italian women strutting around topless by the Thames riverside and it seemed really quite ‘wrong’ as most people around them were fully dressed etc. Whereas if we’d been on a European beach….

Equally, a thong bikini for a toddler swimming class just seems a bit inappropriate.

arcticpandas · 23/03/2025 07:03

Raven25 · 22/03/2025 14:43

The jealous comments - can someone please elaborate on what it is I am jealous of exactly? I’d love to know. My DH loves my figure but I don’t feel the need to parade it at a kids swimming class.

Ignore. It's a standard go to at MN for some. Even if she would be obese with hémorroïdes visible beside the thong you are jealous for being bothered about it.
I would love to ban thongs everywhere except in the bedroom because I just hate seeing people's bum cheeks. But obviously I'm jealous...

StartEngine · 23/03/2025 07:00

ElbowsUpRising · 22/03/2025 17:26

Unless you could see her sphincter ywbu. Bet you gave the staff a right laugh.

I think YABU to use the word ‘sphincter.’ 😂

Phonicshaskilledmeoff · 23/03/2025 06:57

If it isn’t overtly sexual or exhibitionism, have a think about why we aren’t happy with our 5 year old boys wearing thong bikini bottoms.

As I mentioned have no issue with nudity per se. I would take kids to nude beaches and use same sex changing rooms. it’s this weird peekaboo style micro bikini that I think is deliberately sexual.

AleaEim · 23/03/2025 06:24

You sound like a prude op. Fair play to this woman for embracing her body.

NeverHadHaveHas · 23/03/2025 06:09

Raven25 · 22/03/2025 14:41

I like the idea above of images up of acceptable swimwear. I think I’m going to email their head office with this as a constructive suggestion. I probably won’t get anywhere, but there’s no harm in trying.

Get a life ffs 🙄

BlondiePortz · 23/03/2025 05:57

blowingbubbles1 · 22/03/2025 13:51

You sound jealous…

Jealous of what?

Icanttakethisanymore · 23/03/2025 05:54

ilovepixie · 22/03/2025 22:33

How do you know she was prancing and not just walking!

I think a prance might be more bouncy? Or maybe she was letting out occasional ‘neighing’ sounds to give the impression she was a prancing horse?

Audhdmum · 23/03/2025 04:57

CheesePlantBoxes · 22/03/2025 23:49

Your language also makes you sound like an incel.

Because he is one?