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To have complained about another mum’s swimming ‘costume’

558 replies

Raven25 · 22/03/2025 13:48

This morning I went to a weekly parents/young children swimming session with my DD at a national hotel/leisure club chain. We go most weeks and there’s usually a similar crowd in attendance.

It is predominantly other Mum’s who go, with the odd Dad.

Today, one of the other Mum’s was wearing what I can only describe as a thong, in fact it was more of a g string and barely contained her modesty. My DD pointed at her from the pool when she was walking in the opposite direction and asked where her clothes were. I could tell others in the pool had noticed her and didn’t know what to think.

Everyone else was wearing all in one style costumes or the odd bikini which actually fits.

I found this completely inappropriate given it was a swimming session for toddlers/young children, that outfit was more appropriate for someone on only fans!

On the way out, I spoke to one of the staff on reception and asked them whether they enforce certain standards to which I was told it’s up to visitors what they wear but they draw the line at any full nudity - which I’d argue this was. They didn’t seem too bothered and the young female colleague listening in next to her said ‘it’s nice to see a mum with that much confidence’ which I felt was rude. It’s not about confidence, it’s about respect.

I’ve got home and told DH who thinks I was ridiculous to complain and says he’d be embarrassed to turn up there with me next time we go to the gym together!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
5128gap · 23/03/2025 19:49

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 23/03/2025 09:07

Challenging harmful stereotypes is not pointless and silly. Yes we all know that that fashion and social expectations (in Western culture, at least) dictate that, unlike men, women can / should show more flesh and try to look sexually attractive at all times. For whose benefit? Women's? I don't think so. Why should we just accept it and (even worse), allow ourselves to be brainwashed into rebranding it as empowering?

The fact that wearing revealing stuff 'isn't really a thing for men', but is a thing for women, isn't accidental. It didn't just turn out that way by chance. The same way women having to completely cover their bodies, hair or faces didn't come about by chance. It's because women have always been treated as property or entertainment.

I mean... wear what you want. I wouldn't actually complain about the woman's arse on show, but I think it looks bloody stupid and I find the fashion for it depressing.

The post I responded to wasn't challenging harmful stereotypes. They were saying that if its not OK for men, it shouldn't be for women, which is a different argument entirely. And rather silly given when it comes to swimwear, when men are permitted to be topless and women are not, so the norms are entirely different. I'm all for awareness of the issues around women's clothing, and fully agree with your second paragraph. But this is a thread complaining about and shaming an individual woman for her choice, and I'm not interested in doing that, whatever faux feminist spin people may use to justify it.

CorbyTrouserPress · 23/03/2025 19:39

JustMarriedBecca · 23/03/2025 19:32

Agreed. I'd be teaching my child not to body shame anyone.

It's important kids see all kinds and shapes of bodies and are taught to be polite.

It’s not body shaming to think it’s inappropriate clothing for a toddler swimming session.

MakeYourOwnMusicStartYourOwnDance · 23/03/2025 19:34

Audhdmum · 23/03/2025 19:32

Mumsnet seems happy with endless fake posts about ‘inappropriate’ thongs. Baffles me.

If you think it's fake, report it instead of troll hunting.

Audhdmum · 23/03/2025 19:32

TaupeMember · 23/03/2025 19:16

I very much suspect a few hairy backed marys have invaded this thread.

Can't think how it's obvious...

And I wonder what their motives could be...

Mumsnet seems happy with endless fake posts about ‘inappropriate’ thongs. Baffles me.

JustMarriedBecca · 23/03/2025 19:32

buyingnottingham · 22/03/2025 13:57

Get a grip and tell your child not to be so rude by pointing at people and commenting on their body or what they are wearing. Do you seriously think toddlers give a shit that someone is showing a bit of skin? Sounds like your attitudes are rubbing off on your child.

Agreed. I'd be teaching my child not to body shame anyone.

It's important kids see all kinds and shapes of bodies and are taught to be polite.

ImNotARegularMomIACoolMom · 23/03/2025 19:28

Guys even though she’s in the wrong I think some of these comments are way too harsh and personal this app really can be good but also absolutely awful

MakeYourOwnMusicStartYourOwnDance · 23/03/2025 19:27

TaupeMember · 23/03/2025 19:16

I very much suspect a few hairy backed marys have invaded this thread.

Can't think how it's obvious...

And I wonder what their motives could be...

😂
Ooh ooh have we reached the inevitable part of every thread on here that goes "wah you must be a man!" if you disagree with the "correct" 🙄 way of thinking for a woman?! 😁
Or that they must be trolling instead of just disagreeing with you?!
Laughable really.

TaupeMember · 23/03/2025 19:18

CunningLinguist1 · 23/03/2025 11:22

Schis kebab, you’re one shrill pearl clutcher

You’re not in charge of what’s empowering so sit down.

😂

I think I hit a nerve. Calm the aggression down 😂

We can disagree without the put downs, surely?

TaupeMember · 23/03/2025 19:16

I very much suspect a few hairy backed marys have invaded this thread.

Can't think how it's obvious...

And I wonder what their motives could be...

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 23/03/2025 18:21

I would just teach my child that some women show their buttocks and look ridiculous because they don’t know any better.

Explain please how teaching your child (boy?) to mock women for not dressing modestly enough is not misogynistic?

Yellowhammer09 · 23/03/2025 17:45

Some people just don't have decorum.

Catlad · 23/03/2025 17:43

You sound jealous. Who cares what she was wearing. It’s only a bum; it’s super embarrassing you complained 😂

LlynTegid · 23/03/2025 17:33

Screamingabdabz · 23/03/2025 15:40

Do ordinary men wear thongs to the swimming pool? No. They don’t. That’s usually a good test as to whether something is misogynistic or sexualised.

Yanbu op. But no minimum wage pool attendant is going to enforce modesty standards so I wouldn’t bother complaining. I would just teach my child that some women show their buttocks and look ridiculous because they don’t know any better.

Unless there is an insistence on one piece costumes, no chance. And do that and the level of use of the pool would reduce.

FrozenFeathers · 23/03/2025 17:31

CunningLinguist1 · 23/03/2025 15:44

Read her post again. Not what happened, but you do you.

You read it again and then read your own response. You were deliberately insulting.

MrsB74 · 23/03/2025 16:40

HangingOver · 23/03/2025 16:01

Isn't your bum hole nestled away between your buttocks? It usually requires manual exposure or contorting yourself to expose it, even in a thong. Christ I'm surprised you haven't been booted out the supermarket if you're routinely brushing past people like that 😁

Edited

You made me laugh. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a bumhole on show (aside from my dog obvs).

MrsB74 · 23/03/2025 16:38

Jshrbt · 22/03/2025 13:56

Sorry OP but I can’t say even that would have bothered me. I’d have raised an eyebrow but not complained. If she was showing off I’d have found it more funny than anything that she was trying to impress what I can only assume were other toddler dads

I’d have laughed too. She is clearly a bit of an exhibitionist, but who cares? It’s only butt cheeks! Good on her if she looked good - I wish I could still get away with a skimpy bikini, perhaps not a thong though 😂. You sound very prudish and it was absurd to complain.

CorbyTrouserPress · 23/03/2025 16:13

MakeYourOwnMusicStartYourOwnDance · 23/03/2025 14:25

It says they haven’t been brainwashed by the patriarchy into believing they have to dress a certain way, show off their body or be noticeable to be deemed of value

This snotty, superior attitude pisses me off much more than someone's arse cheeks on display.
That silly little women can't possibly think for themselves, that they have to have been brainwashed into thinking that they like what they like, what they feel comfortable in.
It's infantilizing, insulting. Patronising.
Either women have minds of their own or they don't.
Feminism my arse. no pun intended

I assume you have the same view towards women who ‘choose’ to wear a burqa ?

HangingOver · 23/03/2025 16:01

BeholdOurButterStinketh · 23/03/2025 11:08

Lovely though many of them are, that's one thing that I find a bit euw about dogs: the fact that they're basically walking around wherever they go with their anus exposed and coming into contact with any number of surfaces - but that is normal for dogs, who don't routinely wear clothes.

I cannot believe that we'd come to a point where intelligent human beings actually choose to be the same as dogs: to walk around with their bumholes open to the elements, visible to everybody nearby and directly touching anything they sit on or brush past.

Isn't your bum hole nestled away between your buttocks? It usually requires manual exposure or contorting yourself to expose it, even in a thong. Christ I'm surprised you haven't been booted out the supermarket if you're routinely brushing past people like that 😁

HangingOver · 23/03/2025 15:56

Aw, this thread is making me miss late-DM. Especially "prancing about... Like it was some sort of parade"

CunningLinguist1 · 23/03/2025 15:44

FrozenFeathers · 23/03/2025 14:32

Allow me to translate that for you.

"If you don't agree with me, you should sit down an shut up! Also, I have no counter arguments, so I can only respond with calling you a 'pearl-clutcher'"

Read her post again. Not what happened, but you do you.

Rachybabez · 23/03/2025 15:41

No you are not being unreasonable. I don't understand why some ladies feel it's appropriate to have their full bottom on show in a public place

Screamingabdabz · 23/03/2025 15:40

Do ordinary men wear thongs to the swimming pool? No. They don’t. That’s usually a good test as to whether something is misogynistic or sexualised.

Yanbu op. But no minimum wage pool attendant is going to enforce modesty standards so I wouldn’t bother complaining. I would just teach my child that some women show their buttocks and look ridiculous because they don’t know any better.

CheesePlantBoxes · 23/03/2025 15:32

StartEngine · 23/03/2025 15:28

Of course. You cared enough about the OP to respond, I responded to you. It’s how threads go. We all discuss our and other’s opinions.

Your opinion is prudish and you should be cooler 😎

StartEngine · 23/03/2025 15:28

CheesePlantBoxes · 23/03/2025 07:14

Why do you care what my opinion is enough to make a sarky comeback? You cam have your own opinion.

Of course. You cared enough about the OP to respond, I responded to you. It’s how threads go. We all discuss our and other’s opinions.

FrozenFeathers · 23/03/2025 14:32

CunningLinguist1 · 23/03/2025 11:22

Schis kebab, you’re one shrill pearl clutcher

You’re not in charge of what’s empowering so sit down.

Allow me to translate that for you.

"If you don't agree with me, you should sit down an shut up! Also, I have no counter arguments, so I can only respond with calling you a 'pearl-clutcher'"