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To have complained about another mum’s swimming ‘costume’

558 replies

Raven25 · 22/03/2025 13:48

This morning I went to a weekly parents/young children swimming session with my DD at a national hotel/leisure club chain. We go most weeks and there’s usually a similar crowd in attendance.

It is predominantly other Mum’s who go, with the odd Dad.

Today, one of the other Mum’s was wearing what I can only describe as a thong, in fact it was more of a g string and barely contained her modesty. My DD pointed at her from the pool when she was walking in the opposite direction and asked where her clothes were. I could tell others in the pool had noticed her and didn’t know what to think.

Everyone else was wearing all in one style costumes or the odd bikini which actually fits.

I found this completely inappropriate given it was a swimming session for toddlers/young children, that outfit was more appropriate for someone on only fans!

On the way out, I spoke to one of the staff on reception and asked them whether they enforce certain standards to which I was told it’s up to visitors what they wear but they draw the line at any full nudity - which I’d argue this was. They didn’t seem too bothered and the young female colleague listening in next to her said ‘it’s nice to see a mum with that much confidence’ which I felt was rude. It’s not about confidence, it’s about respect.

I’ve got home and told DH who thinks I was ridiculous to complain and says he’d be embarrassed to turn up there with me next time we go to the gym together!

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willowbrookmanor · 22/03/2025 14:52

goodforher · 22/03/2025 14:50

It really isn’t.

We should be empowering our children to critically analyze where the influences ain women’s clothing choices are coming from, how these compare to men’s and what all this is really saying about how society views women.

Banal ‘woo! Do what culture tells you to without thinking’ is not empowerment. It’s the very opposite of empowerment. In fact, it tells you how women are not empowered, if hanging our arses out at a child’s swimming pool is considered ‘ empowerment for women’.

👍

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 22/03/2025 14:51

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 22/03/2025 14:46

All the cool girls will be telling you how nothing bothers them, and they are totally okay with their children being shown unsolicited body parts usually kept covered.

Until some one decides that showing isn’t enough, and wants touching…. There’s a good reason for boundaries around children.

Wtaf are you on about? You appear to be making a connection between a woman wearing a thong to therefore potentially being a child abuser? Is that really how your mind works?

goodforher · 22/03/2025 14:50

willowbrookmanor · 22/03/2025 14:44

Massive misinterpretation.

It really isn’t.

We should be empowering our children to critically analyze where the influences ain women’s clothing choices are coming from, how these compare to men’s and what all this is really saying about how society views women.

Banal ‘woo! Do what culture tells you to without thinking’ is not empowerment. It’s the very opposite of empowerment. In fact, it tells you how women are not empowered, if hanging our arses out at a child’s swimming pool is considered ‘ empowerment for women’.

NoWayNoandNever · 22/03/2025 14:50

I think the answers you would get from the bathing public would depend on the attractiveness of the person wearing the thing unfortunately. If she’s an overweight 89 year old man then it’s obviously disgusting and shouldn’t be allowed, if she’s slim and attractive then you are obviously a jealous old bag. It’s impossible to comment on other people’s clothes, most people wouldn’t find it appropriate to swim with their baby in a thong bikini but unless she is in there naked then you won’t win this one.

TeenLifeMum · 22/03/2025 14:48

“shows everyone what I had for breakfast?” 😂😂😂 not heard anyone outside my grandmother’s age say that. Would I wear a thong? No. Would I stress about someone else wearing one? No. Get a grip. I grew up going on holidays to the Mediterranean where most women wore thongs and no top, I don’t think I’m damaged by the experience.

Itiswhysofew · 22/03/2025 14:48

Must be an exhibitionist. She probably knew it wasn't appropriate, but wanted to show her arse off, regardless!

Strange response from Your DH. Why would he be embarrassed?

Iloveyoubut · 22/03/2025 14:47

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Upstartled · 22/03/2025 14:47

I mean, nobody wants to go to the leisure centre to be full mooned by an exhibitionist. It's grotty

jellyfishperiwinkle · 22/03/2025 14:47

I think it's rather OTT and attention seeking for a swimming lesson with kids. But up to the venue to enforce any rules.

Hoppinggreen · 22/03/2025 14:46

I probably would have clutched my pearls a bit internally but wouldn't have complained about it

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 22/03/2025 14:46

All the cool girls will be telling you how nothing bothers them, and they are totally okay with their children being shown unsolicited body parts usually kept covered.

Until some one decides that showing isn’t enough, and wants touching…. There’s a good reason for boundaries around children.

thestudio · 22/03/2025 14:46

<gimmer> I watched love island with dd and was absolutely goggling. I'm unlikely to be on a pool holiday any time soon, but I would find it excruciating to be surrounded by people with string up their bum - not only because it feels really really weird to me to be able to see the entirety of someones arse, given the social norms that still pertain, but also because.. they've got string up their bum.

String, up their bum.

Easipeelerie · 22/03/2025 14:45

Other mum’s what?

CunningLinguist1 · 22/03/2025 14:45

Raven25 · 22/03/2025 14:43

The jealous comments - can someone please elaborate on what it is I am jealous of exactly? I’d love to know. My DH loves my figure but I don’t feel the need to parade it at a kids swimming class.

You do you! That’s great!
But she’s NOT you and I find the “parading” more likely to be projection from you because you don’t approve of her attire.

Sinkintotheswamp · 22/03/2025 14:45

She'll probably stop wearing it after all the kids have sniggered and pointed out they can see her bottom.

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 22/03/2025 14:44

Oh fgs. Live and let live. So long as she's not hurting any small children it really seems a bit of a non-issue. I don't like them, and my arse is certainly not for public viewing, but why the hell shouldn't she wear it if she wants to? Surely we want our daughters to understand that our bodies are our own to be dressed or undressed as we wish?

ForZanyAquaViewer · 22/03/2025 14:44

Raven25 · 22/03/2025 14:43

How was I body shaming her? I didn’t comment on whether she had a nice body or not, I said her choice of attire was completely inappropriate.

Why, though? Why do you care what she wears?

kittensinthekitchen · 22/03/2025 14:44

When this sort of thread is posted by someone with no posting history, I'm always a bit wary, and would recommend that people don't respond with stories of what they wear swimming, as there are people who would start threads like this hoping for that kind of information Wink

willowbrookmanor · 22/03/2025 14:44

goodforher · 22/03/2025 14:43

Dear God, girls being told by society that they should wear porn culture attire, is the opposite of empowering.

How the eff has feminism been so pornified that people make this argument?

Men’s clothing is practical, warm and comfortable.

Women’s often isn’t ( even the material is thinner). We aren’t the ones empowered by our clothing.

Massive misinterpretation.

Raven25 · 22/03/2025 14:43

CunningLinguist1 · 22/03/2025 14:43

You know what isn’t pretty or appropriate?
Women bodyshaming other women. There was no “full nudity” and staff told you there was no issue.

How was I body shaming her? I didn’t comment on whether she had a nice body or not, I said her choice of attire was completely inappropriate.

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pizzaHeart · 22/03/2025 14:43

goodforher · 22/03/2025 14:35

I find this modern idea that the only bit of a woman that needs to be covered is her vulva, to be absurd. How have we got to this state?

Of course it’s gross to walk around with your bare arse hanging out. It’s not ‘confidence’, it’s porn culture.

Surely there has to be a sensible middle ground between full burqa, and ‘anything except your flaps’.

This^

Raven25 · 22/03/2025 14:43

The jealous comments - can someone please elaborate on what it is I am jealous of exactly? I’d love to know. My DH loves my figure but I don’t feel the need to parade it at a kids swimming class.

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goodforher · 22/03/2025 14:43

willowbrookmanor · 22/03/2025 14:18

I think the bigger issue here is:

My DD pointed at her from the pool when she was walking in the opposite direction and asked where her clothes were.

We should be empowering our children to wear what they like without judgement and prejudice. Particularly females who are often blamed for the appalling actions of others towards them because of what they chose to wear.

Dear God, girls being told by society that they should wear porn culture attire, is the opposite of empowering.

How the eff has feminism been so pornified that people make this argument?

Men’s clothing is practical, warm and comfortable.

Women’s often isn’t ( even the material is thinner). We aren’t the ones empowered by our clothing.

CunningLinguist1 · 22/03/2025 14:43

You know what isn’t pretty or appropriate?
Women bodyshaming other women. There was no “full nudity” and staff told you there was no issue.

Raven25 · 22/03/2025 14:41

I like the idea above of images up of acceptable swimwear. I think I’m going to email their head office with this as a constructive suggestion. I probably won’t get anywhere, but there’s no harm in trying.

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