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AIBU?

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To have complained about another mum’s swimming ‘costume’

558 replies

Raven25 · 22/03/2025 13:48

This morning I went to a weekly parents/young children swimming session with my DD at a national hotel/leisure club chain. We go most weeks and there’s usually a similar crowd in attendance.

It is predominantly other Mum’s who go, with the odd Dad.

Today, one of the other Mum’s was wearing what I can only describe as a thong, in fact it was more of a g string and barely contained her modesty. My DD pointed at her from the pool when she was walking in the opposite direction and asked where her clothes were. I could tell others in the pool had noticed her and didn’t know what to think.

Everyone else was wearing all in one style costumes or the odd bikini which actually fits.

I found this completely inappropriate given it was a swimming session for toddlers/young children, that outfit was more appropriate for someone on only fans!

On the way out, I spoke to one of the staff on reception and asked them whether they enforce certain standards to which I was told it’s up to visitors what they wear but they draw the line at any full nudity - which I’d argue this was. They didn’t seem too bothered and the young female colleague listening in next to her said ‘it’s nice to see a mum with that much confidence’ which I felt was rude. It’s not about confidence, it’s about respect.

I’ve got home and told DH who thinks I was ridiculous to complain and says he’d be embarrassed to turn up there with me next time we go to the gym together!

OP posts:
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LazyArsedMagician · 22/03/2025 15:07

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Now my kids are older I have a life outside of Mumsnet Grin

LazyArsedMagician · 22/03/2025 15:06

Raven25 · 22/03/2025 14:43

The jealous comments - can someone please elaborate on what it is I am jealous of exactly? I’d love to know. My DH loves my figure but I don’t feel the need to parade it at a kids swimming class.

I would 100% be jealous of someone with a killer body and a skimpy swimsuit to show it off!

It's attention seeking but I can't imagine a scenario where I complain it.

Audhdmum · 22/03/2025 15:05

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Washingupdone · 22/03/2025 15:04

I agree with OP. What if was a man wearing a borat, or a man bikini, thong, it’s the same thing, just showing their cheeks, we are all the same but I don’t want to see it in a swimming pool. However, it’s for beach wear.

GingerKombucha · 22/03/2025 15:02

Would I wear it - no (don't have the confidence). Will I fight for every other woman's right to wear it - most definitely. Even, gasp, in front of my children.

batsandeggs · 22/03/2025 15:00

How embarrassing for you that you felt compelled to complain. What is it especially inappropriate when she’s around toddlers and babies? The ones who literally do not care about nudity. Raise an eyebrow if she’s flaunting about it front of teenagers and even then, teach your kids (and yourself?!) to care less about what other people do with their bodies. It’s a bum cheek, not her vulva.

Iloveyoubut · 22/03/2025 15:00

Raven25 · 22/03/2025 13:51

She spent more time prancing around by the loungers on the side of the pool than actually in it, like it was some sort of parade..

Did she aye

BringMeTea · 22/03/2025 15:00

Yeah it looks gross. Man, woman young or old. Attention-seeking fool. At da pool.

VeryNiceDay · 22/03/2025 15:00

I just checked and nudity is only illegal if it is done to intentionally cause distress.

supersonicginandtonic · 22/03/2025 14:59

My bum cheeks are usually out in my swimming costume but that's because I have a rather large bottom that tends to eat my swimming costume. Your son would be traumatised by that 😂

SalfordQuays · 22/03/2025 14:58

Chuchoter · 22/03/2025 14:23

Op needs to stop staring at women like a creep and concentrate on her child in the swimming pool.

@Chuchoter if someone chooses to dress in a way that stands out, it makes them more noticeable, so people will look. It doesn’t make them creeps.

Audhdmum · 22/03/2025 14:58

People! This isn’t real.

BlumminFreezin · 22/03/2025 14:58

I grew up going on holidays to the Mediterranean where most women wore thongs and no top, I don’t think I’m damaged by the experience

Mmm. But a holiday to the med isn't the same as your local leisure centre. There are different levels of appropriate dress depending on your location.

Topless on a beach in the med when there's a practical reason for it (heat/suntan) - meh. Topless in your local LC, surrounded by toddlers doing a swim class? Not great. Topless walking down the highstreet? Arrested.

Arse or tits on display in your local pool is just fucking grim.

VeryNiceDay · 22/03/2025 14:58

When we lived in France the ladies in the swimming pool were often topless. I found it hard not to stare but my Mum explained that it was just normal there and we got on with it. It was quite funny though.

Then more recently as an adult, I went to a swimming pool with a Norwegian friend. When we were in the communal showers she suddenly took her costume right off and carrried on talking to me quite normally. I was very surprised about that, but I think it's just a different cultural norm.

I would prefer people were covered up tbh, but sometimes they're not.

BustyLaRoux · 22/03/2025 14:58

Me and my kids would have pissed ourselves laughing if we’d seen this. Complain? No. Laugh? Hell yes.

Crazyladee · 22/03/2025 14:57

FeministUnderTheCatriarchy · 22/03/2025 14:09

I was somewhat with you until you used the word "prancing".

And the word parade! That's the language my 70 year old Nan used to use in the 70s..."Prancing around like it's a fashion parade" 😆

reversegear · 22/03/2025 14:57

Yeh that’s none of your business and you sound like a giant prude, I’m with the younger girl, glad women can wear what they like when they like. You telling me an extra few inches of a bum is offensive now? I mean if her vulva was on display maybe a different matter.

Crazycatlady79 · 22/03/2025 14:56

Perhaps teach your child not to point? 😅

sandrafarringdon66 · 22/03/2025 14:56

@Raven25 I’ve got home and told DH who thinks I was ridiculous to complain and says he’d be embarrassed to turn up there with me next time we go to the gym together!

Joins husband with the embarrassing wife.😧

Audhdmum · 22/03/2025 14:56

I suppose this makes a change from the usual ‘inappropriate’ teenager in a thong posts from our friendly resident thong pervert.

UrsulasHerbBag · 22/03/2025 14:56

I think there should be some standards about decency and lines drawn. I agree with the previous poster who asked if it would be hooray for body positivity if it was an old man showing everything he had or the woman wasn’t so young slender and attractive?

WhatFreshHellisThese · 22/03/2025 14:55

blowingbubbles1 · 22/03/2025 13:51

You sound jealous…

100% this

pinkstripeycat · 22/03/2025 14:54

I think it’s revolting when someone wears a full flowing set of clothes to a pool but it’s allowed.

Swimwear is meant to be minimal. It’s only a bottom. We’ve all got one 🤷🏼‍♀️

InSpainTheRain · 22/03/2025 14:53

Personally I never wear anything less than a modest one piece, but that's just me as I'm quite conservative. I don't worry what others wear though - if they want to wear a thong I wouldn't complain. I think it's unreasonable to complain, she wasn't hurting anyone.

Barleysugar86 · 22/03/2025 14:53

With toddlers and young children they don't really have that same awkwardness about bodies and are used to being undressed around adults (potty training, nappy changes, even just stripping off entirely in the changing rooms). I'm surprised your daughter said anything to be honest. In a young session they'd usually be several mums around breastfeeding. It wouldn't bother me. I feel like in a general swim session it is more inappropriate as young teens/ preteens can feel quite uncomfortable, but I'd still never say anything.