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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have complained about another mum’s swimming ‘costume’

558 replies

Raven25 · 22/03/2025 13:48

This morning I went to a weekly parents/young children swimming session with my DD at a national hotel/leisure club chain. We go most weeks and there’s usually a similar crowd in attendance.

It is predominantly other Mum’s who go, with the odd Dad.

Today, one of the other Mum’s was wearing what I can only describe as a thong, in fact it was more of a g string and barely contained her modesty. My DD pointed at her from the pool when she was walking in the opposite direction and asked where her clothes were. I could tell others in the pool had noticed her and didn’t know what to think.

Everyone else was wearing all in one style costumes or the odd bikini which actually fits.

I found this completely inappropriate given it was a swimming session for toddlers/young children, that outfit was more appropriate for someone on only fans!

On the way out, I spoke to one of the staff on reception and asked them whether they enforce certain standards to which I was told it’s up to visitors what they wear but they draw the line at any full nudity - which I’d argue this was. They didn’t seem too bothered and the young female colleague listening in next to her said ‘it’s nice to see a mum with that much confidence’ which I felt was rude. It’s not about confidence, it’s about respect.

I’ve got home and told DH who thinks I was ridiculous to complain and says he’d be embarrassed to turn up there with me next time we go to the gym together!

OP posts:
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JessK98 · 22/03/2025 15:32

@Raven25 I believe you are referring to me. My friend who is a member here sent me this link and I’ve had to sign up to respond.

Village Gym in Basingstoke?

You didn’t take issue with some of the other parents wearing next to nothing, is that because they were bigger than I am? I wear what is comfortable for me, and I wasn’t prancing around at all, I was sorting out a water bottle and thought I’d left something in the changing rooms.

It’s a bit insulting that you decided to complain, but the girls on the reception are lovely and I’m glad they didn’t take any notice.

Feel free to say hi to me if you are going next Saturday xx

RUDaisy · 22/03/2025 15:31

Part of porn culture. Unnecessary to have your whole buttocks on display. I notice there’s a new trend for cutting the front away too so it’s narrowed and you can see almost everything there too 🙄.

As for people who say it’s my right, my freedom to do what I want, blah blah - well individual actions have an impact on society and eg sexually provocative behaviour / dressing becomes “normalised”.

ItsFineReally · 22/03/2025 15:28

It's funny, isn't it, because I think the bottom of your... bottom is the more 'inappropriate' area and yet this is the bit that's on display in standard bikinis. So it must be something about the top of your bum, but that's not a part of the body I would ever think about.

MoodyMargaret11 · 22/03/2025 15:28

ForZanyAquaViewer · 22/03/2025 13:57

What’s your issue exactly? You think your DC will be traumatised by the sight of butt cheeks?

If you were on holiday and there were women ‘prancing’ about in thongs, what would you do?

Haha exactly! Where I'm from (EU country) this is completely normal, in fact you'll see more thongs and low cuts than a "modest" suit.

Soontobe60 · 22/03/2025 15:26

RobertaFirmino · 22/03/2025 14:06

Buttocks aren't genitals though. They are literally just rounded masses of muscle and adipose tissue covered with skin. It's not like she had her bumhole on display.

So why do some women have implants in them?

Back21970 · 22/03/2025 15:24

I agree it’s highly inappropriate, however I wouldn’t personally have complained to staff.

I cringe when I see butt cheeks on the telly (I’m thinking Love Island) so I absolutely would not want to be exposed to them at a local pool and I am absolutely not a Pearl Clutcher!

Beaches are obviously different. Are these things not really uncomfortable to wear as well?

Yes, I am old before anyone asks 🤣

CorbyTrouserPress · 22/03/2025 15:23

KellySeveride · 22/03/2025 14:02

All men have dicks but we’d soon be rioting if they were walking round a kids swimming session with them flopping out on show

Not all men have dicks anymore (apparently) 😋

LazyArsedMagician · 22/03/2025 15:23

Bbq1 · 22/03/2025 15:21

Yanbu. Nobody wants to see a woman's genitalia emerging from a too small costume🤮 Especially not at a family swim on a Saturday morning! It's ridiculous because if a man had his genitals uncovered he'd be kicked out. What's the difference?

Because she DIDN'T have her genitals out or uncovered?! Bum cheeks are not genitals.

cunoyerjudowel · 22/03/2025 15:21

Honestly in the words of my teen DD “it’s not that deep”
you can’t police what ppl wear and honestly, to get so worked up about it that you would
A) complain
b) post on here

i think you may be under a lot of stress and deflecting it to this poor woman

Bbq1 · 22/03/2025 15:21

Yanbu. Nobody wants to see a woman's genitalia emerging from a too small costume🤮 Especially not at a family swim on a Saturday morning! It's ridiculous because if a man had his genitals uncovered he'd be kicked out. What's the difference?

Roselilly36 · 22/03/2025 15:14

ilovesooty · 22/03/2025 14:18

Would he have been scarred for life?

@ilovesooty quite possibly 😂 it wasn’t a pretty sight tbh.

itsgettingweird · 22/03/2025 15:13

People commenting about visiting European pools and seeing men in trunks clearly don’t have kids that are swimmers.

I spend about 4 hours a day at swimming pools in the uk with girls with costumes that are hankies with a tie and swimming trunks. Their choice.

hasn’t held any of them back from winning national titles 🤷‍♀️

personally o wear a proper cover swimsuit in pools. But if someone wears something like this they either a) are comfortable and don’t give a fig about others opinions or b) they do it to gat we a reaction in which case if you react they’ve achieved their aim.

I imagine most people are in the a) catagory. I doubt they give much of a fuck what we think!

Nodancingshoes · 22/03/2025 15:12

I probably would have inwardly thought the same but would absolutely not complain at reception!!! Not sure what you expected them to say back to you

Bestfootforward11 · 22/03/2025 15:12

Gosh I can’t say it’d cross my mind to complain about this. I might clock it and raise an eyebrow as I find anything thong like hugely uncomfortable to wear but it wouldn’t take any more headspace than that. You’ve clearly been impacted to the extent you’re posting on here and thinking of emailing head office and it’s worth reflecting why.

HomeBodyClub · 22/03/2025 15:11

Yabu.

I bet she looked great and has alot of confidence which others can only wish for. Also the possibility that she picked up any costume in a rush to pack the bag and didn’t notice it was a thong until she was already in the changing room.

VexedofVirginiaWater · 22/03/2025 15:11

pinkstripeycat · 22/03/2025 14:54

I think it’s revolting when someone wears a full flowing set of clothes to a pool but it’s allowed.

Swimwear is meant to be minimal. It’s only a bottom. We’ve all got one 🤷🏼‍♀️

Why is it revolting?

Unpaidviewer · 22/03/2025 15:11

They do seem to be the fashion now. I'm too old and my arse is too saggy and I don't really care what anyone else is wearing.

niadainud · 22/03/2025 15:10

I think thong bikinis look awful on absolutely everyone, even when they fit properly, but it patently wasn't "full nudity".

Specter17 · 22/03/2025 15:10

i thought society had evolved past outfit shaming ? unless there's a specific dress code, then its down to the individual for what they wear,?

Lucienandjean · 22/03/2025 15:10

Sounds like she was attention-seeking. Don’t give her the attention.

Mnetcurious · 22/03/2025 15:09

Yabu to complain. But I would be eye rolling to myself at her thong costume - inappropriate no matter how much “body confidence” (aka “notice me!”) she has.

MumCanIHaveASnackPlease · 22/03/2025 15:09

Raven25 · 22/03/2025 14:43

The jealous comments - can someone please elaborate on what it is I am jealous of exactly? I’d love to know. My DH loves my figure but I don’t feel the need to parade it at a kids swimming class.

Do you love your figure but? Or did you look at this confident woman and compare your body to hers and because it made you feel shit start to take issue with what she was wearing? Because that’s what this looks like, especially because you took issue with the comment the receptionist made.

Crazyladee · 22/03/2025 15:09

Sorry you're being ridiculous. As long as her "bits" are covered then she's doing nothing wrong. Thong bikinis are not for me, but then again I don't have the confidence or the figure for them. I can't believe you complained. The colleague was right that it's great to see a woman feeling confident. How about we lift other women up instead of tearing them down?

Audhdmum · 22/03/2025 15:09

LazyArsedMagician · 22/03/2025 15:07

Now my kids are older I have a life outside of Mumsnet Grin

It’s pretty obvious though!

Funnywonder · 22/03/2025 15:08

I agree that it was inappropriate. It's almost worse to wear very revealing swimwear in these circumstances than to wander about buck naked because there's that element of it being a blatant display of 'sexiness'. There's a time and place.

I wouldn't have complained though. I would have just rolled my eyes and not so much as glanced in her direction again because I don't like feeding people's big egos. Or their possible insecurities for that matter.