To think 42 is too old for a baby?

But 62 isn't 'elderly' is it (the age the poster picked out of a hat and the quote I was commenting on)? Many people are still working then. And that 20 year will be an adult if and when they ever have to deal with their parental 'burdens' later on. Dealing with aging parents and/or their deaths is traumatic at any age.

It isn't 'rocket science' it's over simplication and being a tad judgmental (IMO). Anyone with strong views about it, then don't have children later in life, that's your personal choice. And as I explained earlier on in this thread, several family members had babies in their early forties (up to 46) with zero issues. Plus, for some, a later pregnancy may be their only option for a myraid of reasons or some may have an unplanned pregnancy and not want to terminate. Life's messy sometimes.

I’d be fine with having a baby in my early forties. You’re acting like it’s elderly. I haven’t slowed down at all!

I actually chose not to have another baby in my forties because the risk of Downs is too high, and also because I wanted to get back to my career before it’s too late. But people have different priorities and there’s certainly no reason why they can’t have a baby at that age if they want one.

My family members were in great health and didn't need any care until their mid 80's. On the flip side, my SIL is 45 with MS and needs cared for her daughter. Life isn't that black and white.

Also, with losing a parent younger than their peers. Look around, so many new parents you see are late 30's early 40's. The childs peers will likely be in the same boat, life has changed alot since you were a kid.

That's the age difference between my parents and for me, not at all. Agree to disagree.

But 62 is not elderly by any stretch of the imagination.

I had my first at 33 and second at 43. I am now 55. All was easier second time round. My births and pregnancies have no problems and I have no health conditions, the hard bit for me is waking every couple of hours for first few years, and that was much harder for me with my first. So everyone is different here. I did have non invasive testing just before end of first trimester to check and my age related risk for downs was reduced to that of a 20 year old so that was a relief. So all round has been easier with second. You can't assume what her experience will be. Lots of older parents are healthy and relaxed.

4 years doesn't seem like much when you're in your 30s or 40s, but it can make all the difference to a child in their teens or young adult in their 20s.

My mum was nearly 47 when I was born. My brother was 21. She was a wonderful mum and growing up I didn’t know any difference, even though she was older than my friend’s mums. The only downside for me was that I lost her too soon. She died at 86 when I was 40. I wish I could have had her for longer.

Many people I know are no more financially comfortable at 42, especially if they already have children, than people in their mid to late 20s. In fact they are probably worse off. Many 20-somethings I know are well educated/better educated than many 40-somethings, and have a University Degree, and are on higher salaries than some people 20 years older than them.

A 42 y.o is more likely to still have a mortgage, (and would have had one for some years, but will still have quite a long time to go on it,) they're often in debt, got finance on a car, credit card debts, and other kids at home to support. (Then their income is affected by another baby.) How on earth can a 42 year old having a new baby, possibly be better off financially than the average mid 20-something?!

It's not too old.

I think one of the things that changes perceptions is having older children though. For various reasons.

It's less about too old and more about wrong time.

I’m with you OP. Would never willingly try for a baby in my 40s. Last baby at 38 was exhausting

I wouldn't say 38 for a last child is far outide the norm at all. But I agree, the OP is being very judgemental for a difference of 4 years.

Of course not old! In my circle, six ladies had their first (and one her second too) children well into their 40s. Most of them are very healthy, fit, looking at least 10 years younger, educated and can provide for their babies. They are still full of energy and have fun with their kids as they go older too. In fact, it makes them feel younger! I think it varies differently but if you are full of energy and healthy and financially stable, 42 is no age at all! I also hate this ageism here. What do women in their 40s are supposed to do if they haven't had children yet? To be content with gardening and start preparing for retirement !? Hell no!

Several children of older parents, including me, have explained why earlier on in this thread. It's not rocket science.

The child will more than likely have to deal with caring burdens and/or the loss of their parents at a much younger age than their peers, which is traumatic and also affects their own life choices.

People are in denial about the realities of aging and like to pretend they'll be fit and sprightly when they're elderly.

I'm 58 with a 21 yo - not sure how this impacts him. Many many grandparents are childminding small children

Why?

Fitness and health levels vary dramatically. What wouldn't be OK for one person is for another.

As someone who is nearer 62 to 52 that is a totally stupid observation, what do you think happens to someone at that age. You must be either very young, very unfit or both.

I know plenty of women in their 60s who are just as active and mentally sharp as they've ever been.

What would be unfair to a 20 year old.?

Yes, generally it is. Health wise of the mum.
but it is understandable if you've been unable to conceive before.

I do wonder if this is possibly a money / education/ employment thing? I meet lots of people for work and I do think physical labour ages a body considerably. So often feel utterly knackered by your 40s after 20+ years of physical graft. On the other hand lots of professional women have the money to eat well and invest time into doing Pilates etc are in excellent physical shape by the time they hit 40s. Obviously it’s a spectrum but when I was cleaning hotels for a living I was absolutely exhausted after a shift, now I sit behind a computer and am mentally tired after a long day but not completely done in.

women In their 50’s are not decrepit these days. Many are fit and healthy and able to manage teens. I know 3 women who had babies at 44/45. One is now mid 60’s and fit and healthy. Working part time, exercising and travelling and her dc is at uni.
The others have dc at school and are fit and well.

As a child of parents who had me in their 40s, I think it's too old. I now have to worry about caring responsibilities for my parents as well as bringing up my own children. My parents were "out of touch" with things when I was growing up and it made it difficult for me to not stand out like a sore thumb compared to my peers.

It's a personal choice, only your friend knows what they can cope with.

@MidnightPatrol “test extensively” is a euphemism for screening out and aborting disabled babies. There are huge ethical concerns around this.

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