To think 42 is too old for a baby?

I’m not assuming young parents have no life of course I don’t think that. A good few of my friends had kids in their 20s and they are fantastic parents and have great lives(their kids were not planned though) Just saying I don’t think travelling would be the same which I doubt it would be. Plus most people at 20 are in the throes of college and not planning children. I’m not the one making snide remarks about children being embarrassed of their parents for whatever reason like you. I hope you haven’t taught your children to be that shallow.

Maybe it takes some people a little longer to get there as I felt that’s what my kids got from me in my 20s. Well apart from the financially secure part. Though it mattered less back then as life was just a lot cheaper than it is now.

im happy now my kids are grown and I can devote myself uninterrupted to my career knowing I won’t need to go off on may leave etc.

also with my family history and experiences it would have been pretty selfish of me (personally) to plan to wait until my 40s to have kids.

don’t worry, I’m not depressed about thinking my 20s were the best years of me for my kids. I’m glad they got what I consider to be my best years. Don’t think that means that I think I’m ready for the scrap heap, not at all, I’m still incredibly young, fit and active. But I’m less patient and much worse without sleep!! If I’d never had kids I may consider them, it would be selfish of me with my family history, but my need to procreate may win out. I’m just glad it’s not the position I find myself in.

I agree yanbu

I'd be pretty depressed if I thought my twenties were the best years of my life.

And what makes you think that mothers who are older than that don't think their kids are the best thing they'll ever do with their life? Personally, I'm glad mine got my confident, mature, patient, happily married, financially secure, able to provide for all their needs years.

Exactly.

Any man I was with during my 20's definitely wasn't father material.

Yeh but how many people actually plan this life for themselves? I don’t know any men at all who wanted a child at 20/21 and certainly didn’t feel secure enough to plan one with a man at that time.

Yep I'm fully aware this may be the case! But we got into a good routine with ds, so one of us would go to bed early and get to early the other would go late and sleep late.
I've never functioned well on no sleep 🤣

I’m glad i devoted my 20s to raising my kids. They’re the best thing I’ll do with my life and glad they got my best years (please don’t take that as the only thing I’ve done with my life, that is not the case).

travelling in my 40s is likely to be a bit more luxurious than the travelling I’d have done n my 20s but hopefully I’ll enjoy it just as much as those who back packed in their 20s. I also love travelling with my teens/young adults while I’m still youngish myself.

My mother was never ever mistaken for my grandma and had me at 39. I didn’t even notice she was an older mum until I was well into my teens.
I don’t think many people actually plan to have a baby as a couple at 21 but anyway I’m sure it has its good points. I loved travelling in my 20s while carefree. I can’t imagine travelling in my 40s would ever be quite the same as that even if my dc were grown and independent.honestly it’s such an ageist attitude to feel smug that your child won’t be embarrassed by you looking older.

Fortunately my.mortgage was paid off by the time I had my child so no need to work full-time and feel knackered. Swings and roundabouts.

I'm not judging people either way. As I said earlier, I was finished having children before 38, but I certainly didn't feel worse or less active at even 58 than I did at 38 and my parents have remained fit and active and healthy through their 80s. I was reacting to @BlondiePortz statement that

So she will be 62 when the child is 20, no this is not fair on the child

I mean, in what world is that a rule? Many people on this site seem to spend whole days afraid to answer the doorbell or sit down on their furniture without fumigating their outside clothes. Are they more suited to being parents at 25 than someone who is still taking on the world with gusto at 40?

I'll tell you the dirty secret that's not been mentioned here - how you feel at 38 and 48 and 58 and 68 and even 78 and 88 is likely to be related to your income and your postcode. No, you can't outrun bad luck or genetic predispositions, but in my life in London, zone 1, I know many people in these age groups who are healthy, fit and active with no caring responsibilities. Many of whose statistical odds are probably close to as good as those of a 28 year old in a deprived post code.

100% agree, I think most 40 something mums of young kids (5years and under) are in denial of this. They seem to think that they have the same amount of energy as 20 year olds. Baffling

what i find baffling is how some of you think you know better than those of us who've lived it.

I went through menopause when DD was in primary school (didn't even know about "peri" as it wasn't an MN thing a decade ago). Didn't bat an eyelid as the majority of women don't experience the horrendous symptoms that plague a few.

The teen years were fun and our house was the place to hang out as apparently I was the "chilled out mum." And the taxi!

Happy to support DD through uni and I have enough energy to work and plan the USA road trip DD and I are doing this year.

The future is full of unknowns but we will all of us face it as it comes.

Never been mistaken for dc’s grandma. Although friend who was a few years younger was but that could be how she dresses

At 44, i have a few friends who are still ttc and 2 who have had babies this year.

i had my last at 38 but i only wanted 2 and it wasn’t an issue. My thoughts about having a baby at 44 are not relevant to anyone else’s family

No. But I’m 31 with an 11 year old and a 4 year old and working full time and I’m knackered. Wouldn’t want to do that in my 40’s.

If you read peoples posts no one thinks over 40s need mobility scooters.

In fact most acknowledge that most people feel pretty fit and well in their early to mind 40s. They just think that the health issues which are fairly common and tend to creep in in your 50s and 60s are too much of a gamble to possibly risk still having dependents at this time.

Everyone will have different experiences and perspectives. But statistically you are more likely to get cancer, for example, in your 50s than your 30s etc. pretending you’re not is just silly. But people have different family history’s etc so everyone will feel different about that gamble.

its just as valid to not want to be an older parent due to these risks as it is not not want to be a younger one due to finances and possible immaturity. Though it’s never viewed the same on here (probably because mumsnet is heavily populated with career women older mothers).

Don’t jinx it. My first was a great sleeper. My second didn’t sleep through the night until 3.5.

I was 22 and coped with it fine. Now ages 39 I would probably die 😂. Ok, that’s dramatic but I’m not even going to pretend that I’m as good without sleep now as I was then despite being incredibly fit and active.

I'm 42 and having my second baby girl TOMORROW 🩷

And guess what...... I chose it this way!

Nothing at all against all the wonderful mums who had kids in their teens and 20's but that just wasn't for me and my personal situation at that time.

May we all make the best choices for ourselves and our children and strive to be the best parents we can be, whatever our age x

I suspect @BlondiePortz is one of those MNers who think anyone over 40 can only get around on a mobility scooter, after they've squeezed themselves into their compression stockings and orthopaedic shoes.

If only more posters, including the OP, could have such a mature attitude.

It's absolutely fine to decide against something for your self for whatever reason. It's not ok to force your opinions onto others and be so critical and judgemental of other people's life choices.

HTH …..ah we get to the classic MN put down,

if you don’t think this thread is full of women telling older mums how they are going to orphan their kids, or embarrass them or expect them to be carers etc, then you haven’t been reading it properly. HTH.

My friend fell pregnant with an accidental third when she was 40, but then surprise surprise, it was actually twins haha she became a mam of 4 in her 40s and is smashing life 💪