To think 42 is too old for a baby?

That's great for you that you made the choices that worked best for you and have no regrets just like everyone else on the thread (regardless of their age).

My mum was also a young mum (had me at 20, 4 kids by 29) and wouldn't change it for the world. There are definitely lots of undeniable positives to having children when you are younger.

At the same time, it's not for everyone (and what a boring world if we were all the same). For many women, having children in their 30's or 40's makes much more sense - whether because of lifestyle, maturity, relationships, stability, finances, health etc etc or just personal choice. For them, the positives likely outweigh any potential negatives.

It's not 'selfish', it's just different to what you chose for yourself and that is honestly OK. 'There are no benefits.....' well that's rather subjective isn't it? For me there were so many benefits: being mortgage free by 40 for one, having extra time, being more patient, and having a family together with my wonderful husband who I didn't even meet until my mid-late 30's rather than the person i was with from age 22 to 35 who was a perpetrator of DV and eventually convicted of giving me a bleed on the brain.

You don't know anyone else's stories just as we don't know yours. The world would be a better place with a little more empathy and a little less judgement.

To be fair I don't think I have ever confused parents with grandparents.

Older parents are so common nowadays and some of them look absolutely fly.

Glad to hear you are happy with your life. Maybe you can use some of the spare time you now have to work on whatever personality issue makes you want to be gratuitously mean to complete strangers who have made different life choices to yours on the internet.

i think areas can vary wildly. I feel where I live is very mixed. I know a girl who had 3 kids before she was 19, she is definitely not the poster girl for being a young parent and at almost 27 is pretty worn out.

my friend is about to have a first at 40 after a very long road of infertility. I probably only know one person in real life though who chose to start trying for a family after 40, but plenty who went for a second, third, fourth etc.

id say the average round here is probably still late 20s/early 30s for a first. Which to me seems ideal. If everyone’s lives worked out so they could start and finish having kids between 25 and 35 we could stop having these debates. What bothers me are those who look down on younger parents whilst choosing to be much older parents without acknowledging that this is also less than ideal. It’s fine. We can all make choices others don’t agree with, but don’t sneer at me whilst making a choice that is a little dubious yourself (not saying this is what you are doing, it’s the general way it goes).

How do you know it’s the best decision of your life ? You can’t possibly know because you haven’t experienced a different life. How many people actually plan children as a couple at 21 ? Very very few. Most are unplanned at that age (by the man at least). You sound so nasty and smug. It’s absolutely pathetic. I hope you haven’t taught your children the same values as you. Grow up.

Maybe it’s because of the area I live in. It’s not uncommon at all to be a parent in 30s and 40s where I live (it’s not particularly affluent though I must say)

Well I had my last just before I turned 45- he was my fourth and I had a great year off. Wasn’t planning a fourth but I had been ill and affected my contraception so it was like having an unexpected holiday from work. He is ten now and I deal with all his clubs and I manage his rugby team. He loves his older siblings and has been a welcome addition - after 3 kids I slept like a lizard anyway

I had mine at 42. I was fortunate that because I was born tired, I was well used to being tired so the sleepless nights made no difference. I was also surrounded by women of a similar age with babies. I’m 56 with a teenager - I’m not sure what the problem with that is?

To be fair. I do very often struggle to know whether a child is with a parent or a grandparent. I find this the most difficult when I go to very affluent areas where being an older parent is very common. I tend to just call them the parent as grandparents are seldom offended by being mistaken for the parent, not so much the other way round. Just saves embarrassment.

@DelilahRay funny you sound the most bitter of everyone on this thread with your nastiness about older mums… think you must have a chip on your shoulder about being a young mum for some reason. not sure why that is

I don’t think it’s too old per se, but (and this is a view very personal to me and my specific experiences) given she already has a family, I would worry about worst case scenarios. What if a situation occurs that could severely impact the existing children/family, such as the baby being born with very significant additional needs, or something happening to the mother… as I said this is based on my own difficult experiences, but I’d never express this directly to my friend.

I’ve seen plenty of frumpy awful looking young mums about (as well as older ones) should they not have kids either in case they are embarrassed?

Exactly - menopause is horrendous for some women, but not for all women. I asked my mother and she said the only symptom she had were nightsweats and it wasn't debilitating.

I’ve never ever seen it happen and my mum is an older mum. I always thought my mum was so glam when I was a child . What a ridiculous statement. Maybe women in your family /social circle don’t age well or something .

No I don’t have a problem with any of it apart from you saying your children won’t be embarrassed of you being mistaken for a grandparent which is so silly and shallow (makes you come across as very immature tbh). I think there are positives to being a young parent and there are positives to being an older parent.
I don’t think “my way is the best way” because I waited to have kids. I can see the benefits and negatives of both options.

Can't everyone just do what's best for themselves and their own personal circumstances without being so judgemental towards others?

Honestly, whether people had children in their teens, 20's, 30's, 40's or one in each decade..... who else's business is it? all have their pluses and minuses

This is the thing if I had gotten pregnant at 21 it wouldn’t have been planned as I was not in a secure position at all. I’d imagine there are lots and lots of positives to being a young mum. But I’d say couples who have children that young that are planned are in the minority.

It used to be normal for women to have babies all through their lives from late teens to 40s

I can't imagine being an old mum

Cool. So what's the cutoff that defines that?

The highest and lowest life expectancy postcodes in the UK have about a seven year gap between them. Do we factor that in? Or is it strictly chronological?

What I can't imagine is being smug. About my own or others' choices.

I didn’t plan my first in all fairness, but I chose to have this life as there are always options. I did plan my second. DH and I are still together after almost 22 years. Raised our kids and built a stable life for them. Dd1 is at uni doing an integrated masters dd2 will be applying for uni in the autumn. We’re a very close family and enjoy each others company. I don’t recognise any of the typical mumsnet talk of teens not wanting to spend time/holiday with their parents.

@LouisaPesel

"I went through menopause when DD was in primary school (didn't even know about "peri" as it wasn't an MN thing a decade ago)."

Thank you! I posted on MN a while ago saying that peri menopause just wasn't a thing back in the day. Needless to say I was sneered at mercilessly and even accused of lying. I'm in my late 60's and went through the menopause about 20 years ago (so admittedly I'm a lot older than you). Nobody ever used those words and I never saw it written about or discussed anywhere. I honestly don't think the majority of women would recognise the term back then.