Page 3 | To think 42 is too old for a baby?

annlee3817 · 24/03/2025 06:31

Had my now 2 1/2 year old 41, pregnancy was way better than it was when I had my first at 34, probably because I was a lot fitter. Birth less so, but that was because I had to be induced due to age and other things, was short though and no intervention. We did the NIPT test at 10 weeks to check for any of the trisomies. We were one and done, and then DH had a wobble and said he wanted another, I didn't expect to actually get pregnant If I'm honest due to my age, but fell the first month. Newborns and toddlers are hard work at any age really, I've found it harder because I work full time now in a busy job which can sometimes go into the evenings after the kids are in bed, with my first I was only working 3 days a week. It is weird thinking I'll be entering my 50's with a 9 year old and a 16 year old, but I wouldn't change it.

Btowngirl · 24/03/2025 05:53

AliBaliBee1234 · 23/03/2025 20:46

I know several people who had their first at 40 and are thriving. It's so incredibly normal now.

I'm 34 and I am one of the youngest mums at my baby class!

People will always have something to say. If you're young - you should have waited to have a career, a home, money and travelled etc. When you do that ... you're then 'too old'

If you work full time, it's bad. If you work part time and struggle then you shouldn't have had kids if you can't afford them.

People and their opinions on motherhood are impossible.

Ignore these people, enjoy your baby!

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Second this. I’m 34 and the youngest by far at the baby groups I attend, it’s just much more the norm nowadays.

B1indEye · 23/03/2025 22:07

McBilbo · 23/03/2025 19:44

Hmmmm I think your post has confirmed what I feared other women think. Me and hubby have been together 12 years and never ever planned on having biological kids. We were very open to adoption though.

well here I am at 40, pregnant and terrified. I’m extremely happy, we both are but the fear of not being able to keep up, looking like a granny at the school gates etc has crossed my mind many, many times. Our baby was unplanned.

our baby boy will be here in 7 short weeks. Despite being scared, I am so grateful too. I could never have coped with a baby in my 20’s. I was far too immature and selfish. We are now financially stable, and live much less chaotic lifestyles now.

But I do have to say your post has struck a bit of a nerve. I’m glad not all people think like you, but I suspect many more just don’t admit it

What do you think granny looks like? Unless you already look like one why would you decide to change the way you look just because you have a child?

Do you think women in their 40s who are grandmothers have a special look?

Id be amazed if anyone bats any eyelid at your age, how would they even know how old you are?

Ladymuck2022 · 23/03/2025 22:04

eqpi4t2hbsnktd · 22/03/2025 13:33

My SIL has just decided to try for her first baby at 37... she's been with BIL for 15 years... he is now 48!
It's madness. The NHS will only help her with IVF until her 40th... I have no idea why they would wait this long. Nothing has changed. They haven't been working on careers or moved country.
Weird.

It’s because attitudes have changed.

At 38 the local GP was saying it is common to have older parents in our county then just days after turning 43 the private sonographer at a ladies scan starting banging on that there still was a little time and it was intimated one way I might just get rid of a fibroid.

for me, op, the Katie price fertility documentary is one I’ll be most believing.

Changedforadvice · 23/03/2025 21:22

McBilbo · 23/03/2025 19:44

Hmmmm I think your post has confirmed what I feared other women think. Me and hubby have been together 12 years and never ever planned on having biological kids. We were very open to adoption though.

well here I am at 40, pregnant and terrified. I’m extremely happy, we both are but the fear of not being able to keep up, looking like a granny at the school gates etc has crossed my mind many, many times. Our baby was unplanned.

our baby boy will be here in 7 short weeks. Despite being scared, I am so grateful too. I could never have coped with a baby in my 20’s. I was far too immature and selfish. We are now financially stable, and live much less chaotic lifestyles now.

But I do have to say your post has struck a bit of a nerve. I’m glad not all people think like you, but I suspect many more just don’t admit it

Congratulations! You must be thrilled.

It's a funny time this late on in pregnancy, isn't it? Things are much more 'real ', hormones are firing in all directions and you really start to wonder if you're up to it. The fact your thinking about it almost certainly means you'll be fine.

It's hard to shut out what people might think when you're feeling a bit vulnerable but honestly, once you have your baby in your arms that all that will fade. Your gorgeous baby will be much more important than the spurious opinions of randoms on a forum.

It's hard work and lots of worry, but that's the same at any age. I'm now 50 with my 3 and a half year old asleep upstairs (finally, after a lot of messing about). What's been hard is what makes it the most rewarding thing I've ever done. He will never doubt how much he's loved and wanted and I think whatever age your parents are, a happy, solid foundation is what helps you become an adjusted and thriving adult. My parents were older and I'm not embarrassed or upset about it, just thankful I had a loving and supportive upbringing. If I look like his granny at the school gates, so what?! We're supposed to embrace all types of families now, aren't we? Can you imagine the uproar on here (rightly so) if anyone made such awful remarks about single parents, same sex parents, disabled parents, adoptive parents etc? There isn't any one right way to be a family, and other people's opinions are just that, opinions not fact.

Wishing you all the best.

AliBaliBee1234 · 23/03/2025 20:52

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at the request of the user.

My parents were young. It was not good, they were not mature enough or ready and I suffered because of it. Good for you that it worked out, but it's not always best for the children

AliBaliBee1234 · 23/03/2025 20:46

McBilbo · 23/03/2025 19:44

Hmmmm I think your post has confirmed what I feared other women think. Me and hubby have been together 12 years and never ever planned on having biological kids. We were very open to adoption though.

well here I am at 40, pregnant and terrified. I’m extremely happy, we both are but the fear of not being able to keep up, looking like a granny at the school gates etc has crossed my mind many, many times. Our baby was unplanned.

our baby boy will be here in 7 short weeks. Despite being scared, I am so grateful too. I could never have coped with a baby in my 20’s. I was far too immature and selfish. We are now financially stable, and live much less chaotic lifestyles now.

But I do have to say your post has struck a bit of a nerve. I’m glad not all people think like you, but I suspect many more just don’t admit it

I know several people who had their first at 40 and are thriving. It's so incredibly normal now.

I'm 34 and I am one of the youngest mums at my baby class!

People will always have something to say. If you're young - you should have waited to have a career, a home, money and travelled etc. When you do that ... you're then 'too old'

If you work full time, it's bad. If you work part time and struggle then you shouldn't have had kids if you can't afford them.

People and their opinions on motherhood are impossible.

Ignore these people, enjoy your baby!

Discoprincess6 · 23/03/2025 20:45

McBilbo · 23/03/2025 19:44

Hmmmm I think your post has confirmed what I feared other women think. Me and hubby have been together 12 years and never ever planned on having biological kids. We were very open to adoption though.

well here I am at 40, pregnant and terrified. I’m extremely happy, we both are but the fear of not being able to keep up, looking like a granny at the school gates etc has crossed my mind many, many times. Our baby was unplanned.

our baby boy will be here in 7 short weeks. Despite being scared, I am so grateful too. I could never have coped with a baby in my 20’s. I was far too immature and selfish. We are now financially stable, and live much less chaotic lifestyles now.

But I do have to say your post has struck a bit of a nerve. I’m glad not all people think like you, but I suspect many more just don’t admit it

Congratulations!! How far along are you?

also, bet you don’t look like a granny!! Make eye masks your friend ha!

TheIceBear · 23/03/2025 20:36

McBilbo · 23/03/2025 19:44

Hmmmm I think your post has confirmed what I feared other women think. Me and hubby have been together 12 years and never ever planned on having biological kids. We were very open to adoption though.

well here I am at 40, pregnant and terrified. I’m extremely happy, we both are but the fear of not being able to keep up, looking like a granny at the school gates etc has crossed my mind many, many times. Our baby was unplanned.

our baby boy will be here in 7 short weeks. Despite being scared, I am so grateful too. I could never have coped with a baby in my 20’s. I was far too immature and selfish. We are now financially stable, and live much less chaotic lifestyles now.

But I do have to say your post has struck a bit of a nerve. I’m glad not all people think like you, but I suspect many more just don’t admit it

I wouldn’t worry. I have older parents as my mother was almost 39 having me. Was never embarrassed by my parents growing up and didn’t notice them as older at all until I was almost an adult myself. I am still very close to my parents . Congrats on your baby boy.

Strictlymad · 23/03/2025 20:02

I don’t think 42 is too old to have a baby but she’s not having a baby, she’s ttc which could take a while then there’s the pregnancy which might make her pushing 44 at the birth. Each to their own, I’m not sure it would be my choice though

Calliopespa · 23/03/2025 20:01

UnknownClam · 22/03/2025 13:07

Posting under a NC for this as I know it might be controversial, but I need to get this off my chest.

A friend of mine has just announced she’s TTC at 42. She already has two DC (youngest is 10) and has suddenly decided she “really wants one last baby.” I know it’s her life, her choice, but I can’t help but feel like it’s too old.

I had my last DC at 38, and even then, I found the sleepless nights brutal. I can’t imagine doing it in my 40s. Also, by the time the child is a teen, she’ll be in her late 50s! And I hate to say it, but the risks of pregnancy complications and things like Down’s syndrome are much higher at that age.

She asked me what I thought, and I just smiled and said, “That’s exciting!” because I didn’t want to be rude. But deep down, I feel like it’s a bit selfish. AIBU? Would love to hear from anyone who had a baby in their 40s how was it?

Be gentle! Not trying to be a cow, just genuinely wondering if I’m the only one who feels this way.

She might be a “ younger” 42 than you were at 38. It’s not like she hasn’t had a baby. A 10 year old isn’t so old she won’t remember what is required of her.

The downs thing is only slightly higher and varies from woman to woman: some people have a higher risk in their late 30’s than others in their 40’s.

You sound as though you were a bit ungracious about it.

sel2223 · 23/03/2025 19:57

McBilbo · 23/03/2025 19:44

Hmmmm I think your post has confirmed what I feared other women think. Me and hubby have been together 12 years and never ever planned on having biological kids. We were very open to adoption though.

well here I am at 40, pregnant and terrified. I’m extremely happy, we both are but the fear of not being able to keep up, looking like a granny at the school gates etc has crossed my mind many, many times. Our baby was unplanned.

our baby boy will be here in 7 short weeks. Despite being scared, I am so grateful too. I could never have coped with a baby in my 20’s. I was far too immature and selfish. We are now financially stable, and live much less chaotic lifestyles now.

But I do have to say your post has struck a bit of a nerve. I’m glad not all people think like you, but I suspect many more just don’t admit it

Congratulations and best of luck for the safe arrival of your baby boy.

I had my first at 37 and having an ELCS tomorrow morning at 42! It's been a tough pregnancy for many reasons but not linked to age and now just can't wait to meet our little girl.

I was very much like you describe in my 20's and first half of my 30's. Not that either of us need to justify ourselves to strangers on the Internet.

Please don't be disheartened by posts like this or some of the rude responses - small minded people often feel braver behind a screen and can be so rude and judgemental. Whether more people secretly harbour these thoughts in real life, I don't know, but I do know that the only ones who's opinions should matter are those directly involved with you and your family. Don't let anything on MN cloud your happiness and excitement.

In my area/social circle it's very normal for people to have their first child at 35+ and many are having children into their 40's. Same in the school yard, I would say I'm about average age and never once have I felt mistaken for being a grandmother.
I do actually know one person who I went to school with who became a grandmother at 33 and I would say that drew more gasps than anyone having a baby in their 40's ever has.

Anyway, to each their own I say.

Good luck

moonsunandstars · 23/03/2025 19:52

McBilbo · 23/03/2025 19:44

Hmmmm I think your post has confirmed what I feared other women think. Me and hubby have been together 12 years and never ever planned on having biological kids. We were very open to adoption though.

well here I am at 40, pregnant and terrified. I’m extremely happy, we both are but the fear of not being able to keep up, looking like a granny at the school gates etc has crossed my mind many, many times. Our baby was unplanned.

our baby boy will be here in 7 short weeks. Despite being scared, I am so grateful too. I could never have coped with a baby in my 20’s. I was far too immature and selfish. We are now financially stable, and live much less chaotic lifestyles now.

But I do have to say your post has struck a bit of a nerve. I’m glad not all people think like you, but I suspect many more just don’t admit it

Don't be terrified.

You'll be a wonderful mother and many older parents look youthful.

It's also not what most women think. I would never judge an older mum or dad or focus my energy on their life choices.

As long as the kid seems happy and well-cared for, I couldn't care less.

Cantstopthenoise · 23/03/2025 19:46

I had one at 22 and one at 32, by the time I was 40 I had split from my kids' father and was on my own with them. As I had complications with my pregnancies in my 20's and 30's I couldn't see myself having a straightforward pregnancy and birth at this point in my life (I'm 43 now). My Mum and Dad had me and my brother between the ages of 23 and 28 so when they were my age I had already left school and my brother was in secondary. If they had another one when they were my age, then they would have been 60 with a child still in full- time education and living at home, and would not have been able to retire or have holidays just the two of them at that point.

McBilbo · 23/03/2025 19:44

Hmmmm I think your post has confirmed what I feared other women think. Me and hubby have been together 12 years and never ever planned on having biological kids. We were very open to adoption though.

well here I am at 40, pregnant and terrified. I’m extremely happy, we both are but the fear of not being able to keep up, looking like a granny at the school gates etc has crossed my mind many, many times. Our baby was unplanned.

our baby boy will be here in 7 short weeks. Despite being scared, I am so grateful too. I could never have coped with a baby in my 20’s. I was far too immature and selfish. We are now financially stable, and live much less chaotic lifestyles now.

But I do have to say your post has struck a bit of a nerve. I’m glad not all people think like you, but I suspect many more just don’t admit it

TheIceBear · 23/03/2025 19:29

Neetra30 · 23/03/2025 18:54

Are you trying to say that, you were physcially fitter in your 40s than in your 20s?

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Does it actually matter that much? I’m tipping 40 and I don’t feel like I was much fitter in my 20s. For one thing I drank more, partied more and stayed up much later at that age. I make more sensible choices now. Yes in general you are more likely to get a health condition the older you get but it’s not as if every person in their 20s who is a parent is incredibly fit and healthy.

Neetra30 · 23/03/2025 19:21

Right. OK

LouisaPesel · 23/03/2025 19:14

Are you trying to say that, you were physcially fitter in your 40s than in your 20s?

You quoted my entire post so you can see that I haven't said that.

Neetra30 · 23/03/2025 18:54

LouisaPesel · 23/03/2025 16:03

100% agree, I think most 40 something mums of young kids (5years and under) are in denial of this. They seem to think that they have the same amount of energy as 20 year olds. Baffling

what i find baffling is how some of you think you know better than those of us who've lived it.

I went through menopause when DD was in primary school (didn't even know about "peri" as it wasn't an MN thing a decade ago). Didn't bat an eyelid as the majority of women don't experience the horrendous symptoms that plague a few.

The teen years were fun and our house was the place to hang out as apparently I was the "chilled out mum." And the taxi!

Happy to support DD through uni and I have enough energy to work and plan the USA road trip DD and I are doing this year.

The future is full of unknowns but we will all of us face it as it comes.

Are you trying to say that, you were physcially fitter in your 40s than in your 20s?

Christwosheds · 23/03/2025 18:53

UnknownClam · 22/03/2025 13:07

Posting under a NC for this as I know it might be controversial, but I need to get this off my chest.

A friend of mine has just announced she’s TTC at 42. She already has two DC (youngest is 10) and has suddenly decided she “really wants one last baby.” I know it’s her life, her choice, but I can’t help but feel like it’s too old.

I had my last DC at 38, and even then, I found the sleepless nights brutal. I can’t imagine doing it in my 40s. Also, by the time the child is a teen, she’ll be in her late 50s! And I hate to say it, but the risks of pregnancy complications and things like Down’s syndrome are much higher at that age.

She asked me what I thought, and I just smiled and said, “That’s exciting!” because I didn’t want to be rude. But deep down, I feel like it’s a bit selfish. AIBU? Would love to hear from anyone who had a baby in their 40s how was it?

Be gentle! Not trying to be a cow, just genuinely wondering if I’m the only one who feels this way.

Had both dc in my 40s. Second conceived when I was 42, born when I was 43.
I don’t have anything to compare it with, but like any age it has its pros and cons. I would have preferred to have had them younger and got more time with them, but life didn’t pan out like that. I think the best thing for me is the thing always mentioned as a big negative in these sort of threads : Having teenagers in your fifties and early sixties ! I love it . It’s so much fun.

Euphemia1920 · 23/03/2025 18:52

HereintheloveofChristIstand · 22/03/2025 13:20

It’s selfish because of the age gap, not her age.
Her older kids will want her to be around for fun activities on holidays, help them with their transition to secondary and making GCSE choices, not pushing a pram and changing nappies.

This is all kinds of wrong. My brother was born when I was 10 and a half and from the moment he was born he was my world. I loved pushing the pram, feeding him etc. I even took him on his first foreign holiday to Disneyland in Paris. My parents were still there for me and my older brother at our different stages (my older brother was 17 when the younger was born). Now that we are adults he is my best friend, and our whole family is close. Don’t judge what you don’t know.

Also, in reply to the original poster I am
pregnant with my first and will be 40 when baby is born. I didn’t meet my husband until I was 36 so I didn’t have the option before. Again, don’t judge people’s scenarios.

TheIceBear · 23/03/2025 18:43

Whataninterestinglookingpotato · 23/03/2025 18:27

I did say that wasn’t aimed at you. I don’t think that you’re sneering.

However, over the years I have experienced a lot of sneering from much older parents on here. It is the general theme of it. They see themselves as superior for waiting and see you as ridiculous and irresponsible. I’ve had people say they feel sorry for my kids having to have a young parent. I’m usually pretty polite on these debates. I have some personal experiences which I do at times share which have put me off being an older parent, but I don’t personally attack people. I can’t say the same for many of the older parents i have encountered on here.

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The thing is though I rented in my 20s and the rental market was so precarious towards the end of my 20s. Frequently landlords here just tell people they are selling and kick you out. I ended up waiting until I was in a more secure position because i couldn’t justify having a child and risk being evicted in the blink of an eye. I did think about having a child a bit earlier but just couldn’t risk it so it wasn’t to be. I would never look down on young mums you get good parents and bad parents of all ages.

DelilahRay · 23/03/2025 18:34

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Whataninterestinglookingpotato · 23/03/2025 18:27

TheIceBear · 23/03/2025 18:22

Who is sneering ? If I got pregnant at 21 I would have chosen to keep the baby too same as you. I’m not sneering at your choice at all. I don’t think there is anything wrong with being a young mum and in some ways I think it would be nice. I wasn’t in a position to actually plan a child at that age though and didn’t happen to get pregnant by accident either

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I did say that wasn’t aimed at you. I don’t think that you’re sneering.

However, over the years I have experienced a lot of sneering from much older parents on here. It is the general theme of it. They see themselves as superior for waiting and see you as ridiculous and irresponsible. I’ve had people say they feel sorry for my kids having to have a young parent. I’m usually pretty polite on these debates. I have some personal experiences which I do at times share which have put me off being an older parent, but I don’t personally attack people. I can’t say the same for many of the older parents i have encountered on here.

TheIceBear · 23/03/2025 18:22

Whataninterestinglookingpotato · 23/03/2025 18:15

i think areas can vary wildly. I feel where I live is very mixed. I know a girl who had 3 kids before she was 19, she is definitely not the poster girl for being a young parent and at almost 27 is pretty worn out.

my friend is about to have a first at 40 after a very long road of infertility. I probably only know one person in real life though who chose to start trying for a family after 40, but plenty who went for a second, third, fourth etc.

id say the average round here is probably still late 20s/early 30s for a first. Which to me seems ideal. If everyone’s lives worked out so they could start and finish having kids between 25 and 35 we could stop having these debates. What bothers me are those who look down on younger parents whilst choosing to be much older parents without acknowledging that this is also less than ideal. It’s fine. We can all make choices others don’t agree with, but don’t sneer at me whilst making a choice that is a little dubious yourself (not saying this is what you are doing, it’s the general way it goes).

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Who is sneering ? If I got pregnant at 21 I would have chosen to keep the baby too same as you. I’m not sneering at your choice at all. I don’t think there is anything wrong with being a young mum and in some ways I think it would be nice. I wasn’t in a position to actually plan a child at that age though and didn’t happen to get pregnant by accident either