To think 42 is too old for a baby?

As the child of older parents, it’d be a no from me.

I think there IS a problem with society in general having babies later.

But on an individual basis, I don’t suppose it matters. There’s also a good chance it won’t happen like she plans anyway but even if it does, it’s her who has to start all over again. You’d have to pay me a million pounds for me to even consider it.

This ^

I agree with you OP, and she probably won't be 42 when she has the baby if she's only trying now which means she'll potentially have a 16 or 17 year old child when she's 60 - and I think that's too old. But it seems to be the way things are going now with people having kids later and later.

I wonder if it's a contributing factor to the increasing number of children with ASD/ADHD in cases where it isn't already in the family genetics.

As the child of older parents I personally feel it's too old, but that's not a popular opinion around here.

This is what struck me too. OP must have a very specific TTC cut off date in her head which falls somewhere between 38 (fine) and 42 (not fine), I wonder when it is!

Personally I wouldn’t want to have more babies in my early forties, but if others want to I just think good for them.

My SIL has just decided to try for her first baby at 37... she's been with BIL for 15 years... he is now 48!
It's madness. The NHS will only help her with IVF until her 40th... I have no idea why they would wait this long. Nothing has changed. They haven't been working on careers or moved country.
Weird.

Whilst everything you are saying is true, if she wants to try for another at 42, let her. Don't use up any of your energy worrying about it. Waste of time and effort.

I agree. She's not doing it to benefit her family as a whole, just to indulge herself in one more child. Which will then be a very loud toddler/preschooler just as the oldest is around exam seasons. Nice.

I think the issues come a bit later down the line. My friend was her parents 4th child in their 40s. She’s now 35 and just had her first baby but also dealing with her parents poor health and is constantly stressed at how much help they need. I also had a colleague who is an only child of elderly parents. Again, she’s only in her 20’s but feels she can’t move away or even move out because of the level of dependency her parents place on her.

I had an 8 year age gap - it’s manageable.

OP - there are plenty of us who have had a baby at 40 plus. My friend had both her DCs in her 40s.

I think it’s swings and roundabouts 🤷🏻‍♀️ it’s not a one-size-fits-all thing.
Different people are at different points in their lives at different ages, so what works perfectly for some might not work for others.

Personally, I was very young when I had my DC’s - I’d just turned 20 when DC1 was born, I had DC2 16 months later and then DC3 was born when I was 24. I’m in my early 30’s now, and while I love the idea of another newborn, the idea of doing the toddler/preschool/primary school years again fills me with dread 🫠🫣 Hence why DH and I have put a lid on the idea of having any more!

When I’m 42, my DCs will be young adults, the eldest and middle ones likely to have flown the nest and the youngest not far behind. I’m looking forward to my 40’s being for me.

I had mine at 22, 33 and 40.

The only one that other people didn’t seem to have a problem with was the pregnancy at 33, that was deemed acceptable by the everyone I knew (not that I give a single fuck).

I wish I had been younger than 40 having my 3rd though. I don’t believe the bullshit about having more patience when you are older. I was a far better parent when I was younger. At 45 I’m a cantankerous old bat and have had health problems. My 4 year old is also incredibly hard work - the first two were easy babies/children. I could have done with one of the easy ones when I am old and tired.

My children are extremely close though. My 23 year old is away working but texts my 11 year old all the time and FaceTimes the 4 year old, who he is the closest to as they are basically the same person, everyday.

I was just about to type something similar to this. It's the age gap not the age.

42 is absolutely fine to have a baby presuming both parents are healthy. But with older DC it will have a big impact on them. Not saying they won't love a baby if one comes, of course they will. But babies and toddlers massively change the dynamics of days out, family holidays, having your mates over, trying to complete homework assignments or revise for exams, etc etc, for older DC.

I had my last at 40 with an 8 year gap between oldest and youngest and even that was hard, our situation was due to fertility issues but I would never recommend a big age gap. I definitely felt oldest missed out on stuff because we had to try and work round such different ages. Having a tiny baby in my 40s was easy enough, it was juggling everything else that was so hard.

That said, it's her life and her choice, and technically none of anyone else's business.

Everyone's different and it's a very personal choice. Having babies in your forties doesn't seem strange to me because my mother had my sister when she was 44 but I understand if you don't know anyone who's had children later it might seem too old.

You don't have to imagine it, because you aren't TTC, she clearly feels able enough, and that's what matters.

For me, no!! My youngest is 5, I'm 44 and knackered!

I have another 13 years of "parenting" left and no way would I extend that, I want to hang out with my DH and have weekends away and long lunches with him without worrying about childcare and somebody else's needs before ours! I don't mean that in a horrible way.

I do agree with your reasoning but it's not really your concern is it? You won't be dealing with sleepless nights, your friend will.

My mother had babies in her 40s it wasn't uncommon in the 50s and 60s for women to carry on having babies into their 40s. . And many people now don't start a family until their late 30s so a 40 year old new mother is not unusual.
I don't think it's selfish some people are much better parents in their 40s than in their 20s.
But ultimately it is her business.

There are some outrageous ideas about older Mums on Mumsnet. As if all women over 40 are decrepit and won't cope.

Women have been having babies in their 40s forever and will continue to do so. You friend is by no means doing anything out of the ordinary.

YABU.

It’s selfish because of the age gap, not her age.
Her older kids will want her to be around for fun activities on holidays, help them with their transition to secondary and making GCSE choices, not pushing a pram and changing nappies.

For me it's too old, I'm 43 and no way would I want to be dealing with a newborn. For others I wouldn't judge but be secretly glad it wasn't me

Is there much of an age difference between 38 and 42 though? Yes 25 and 42, but really it’s almost bugger all difference…

I am 42 and definitely feel that I am too old - there are too many risks and unknowns, I already have 3 teen dc and a lovely life. If I didn’t have any dc my view might be different. I think it’s up to the individual woman, but it’s very important to be aware of the risks and the realities of having dc later in life, even if everything goes well with the pregnancy.

I know it’s her life, her choice

...well just leave it there, then. No-one is making you have a baby in your early 40s, so no problem.

You had your youngest at 38, so by the time they finish school you will be 56 and that's the age my MIL was when she became a grandmother. 🤷‍♀️ different things are right for different people.

For me personally, 40 was my cutoff point for babies but that's easy to say when I had two easy pregnancies at 32 and 34, now pregnant again at 38.

Each to their own!!!!

For me the thought of going back to babies and nappies and teething and sleepless nights when my youngest was 10 would be my idea of hell!!!!!! I wouldn’t have had the energy to do this and combine the needs of my teenager, tweenager and a new baby - but that is me!

If she wants another child and has the time, energy, health and finances to do so - good on her!

Live and let live!