To think 42 is too old for a baby?

Oh do fuck off

weirdly all the reasons you’ve come up with are terrible reasons.

Sleepless nights are fine at that age.
Risk of Down’s syndrome. Oh well.

But there are other issues. Losing parents young. Having to care for them when they’re old. Not being around for adult milestones etc.

I absolutely hate that phrase "age is just a number".

No, it is not. Chances of poor health and death increase as we age. Some people will get lucky and live to their 80s-90s but many won't.

I had to become the carer to my parents when I was very young myself, and it massively impacted the life I was able to have and the opportunities I could (or rather couldn't) take. I was always out of sync with my friends. While they were able to be young and carefree, travel, work abroad, etc, I had to deal with things like dementia, hospitals and nursing homes.

Will this happen to everyone? No. But it is a possibility and if it happens it's an awful scenario for the child.

Mumsnet has a weird obsession with this topic and it always seems to be 42 that's the age in question. It's almost like there's an organised group with a hang up about it who keep starting threads

I know! I was 41 when I had DD and I was neither knackered nor cantankerous. I do worry about the state of the health of some posters.

She was still in primary school when I was in my 50s and is now at university whilst I'm in my 60s and we're both happy.

It might not be ideal to become a mum at 42 but nor is it ideal to have a child at 22 and die 16 years later like my mum did.

No one has a perfect life.

Meh, its her life.

I wouldn't do it...when im 42, I have a 10 and 19 year old. I be living it up haha.

A friend of mine is pregnant at 42 with 3 much older children. Personally I couldn’t think of anything worse and am wondering why she has decided to set the clock back another 20 yrs but I don’t think she’s selfish for doing it. After all, it will be her and her husband bearing the brunt of it all!

My gran had her first child at 44 and second, my mother at 46. She was a very active grandmother to me years later. I personally, although already a mother, met and wasted a decade of my life on a man I met at 41. Looking back now, I could easily have had another baby at 42 and I’d have got through it no problem at all.

It's not about a woman being decrepit in in her 40s, or about a woman of 43-44 'not coping' with a baby.

It's about thinking ahead ... And the fact that when she is 60, the child will still be at school.

If a woman already has children, whose ages are in double figures (like the OP) she is basically spending 35-40 years raising children.

She will almost certainly be the main carer and nurturer, of said new baby, and any career she may have been able to go back to, or adult social life, is extinguished.

Menopause fucks you up. She will have a primary school age child when she is going through menopause, and a teenager at nearly 60! The teenage years are brutal for parents. Who the fuck wants to be dealing with that at 60?

And you'll be trailing around universities, and running them around like a chauffeur and personal servant in your mid 60s! Children are living at home a lot longer these days. You will very likely still have a child living at home when you're 70!

There is a strong chance that she is setting her new baby up for a life of being a carer when they're only in their 20s/early 30s, or being motherless before they leave their 30s.

She will very likely never get to see that baby's children.

The baby is far more likely to have problems, and health issues, with a mum who is her mid 40s when its born.

The woman is put way more at risk having a baby past 42-43, than under 40.

Seriously, open your mind, and your eyes, and think outside the box!

I did something similar. While 42 isn't too old at the baby stage, she might need to think about being in her 60s with a young person still living at home, which plenty now do. They don't just automatically fly the nest now and you don't get your own life back.

I was almost 44 when had Mini blondes due to 10yrs ttc and countless ivf and wanted to be 32/33 but Mother Nature didn’t play ball

I found it fine and tho I’m almost now 52 and she is 8 this week life is good

but I have one child

she will have 2 others to look after /drive to activities etx as well

you may have had sleepless nights but dd was 7/7+ by 17w and still does 12 ish hrs now

yes a higher risk of sn tho equally my niece has Down syndrome and mum was think 32 when born and 2 more since and no sn

basically what I’m saying is is she wants to have another baby that’s up to her. She may struggle to conceive or May get preg at once

YABU.

I wouldn't do it but some people are very young at 42. My aunt had hers at 42 and 44 and the boys are now in their 20s. My aunt and uncle still go on bonkers holidays in their 60s.

It depends entirely on the person and what is right for one person is not right for someone else.

Had my twins at 43. If I'd had them younger I'd have been parenting with a total twerp and would be even more knackered than I am. All parenting is tiring, whatever age. YABU to be so two-faced. Perhaps cnsider leaving your friend alone to be supported by other friends.

I think it's a bit too old to TTC, but I know people who have had children in their 40s, and it worked out OK for them.

This is so true. Have a baby outside the accepted age range of 30-35 and MN is frothing.

Judging your friend for something that has no impact on your life whatsoever is a dick move.

Be happy for her or leave her be. Even if you don’t say it out loud, she will soon know how you feel.

You weren’t exactly that much younger than her when you had your last child, that’s the most ridiculous thing about your post. You will be parenting teens in your 50s too. You’re judging your friend when your own choices haven’t been too different.

I didn’t want to be an older mum and so had my children in my 20s, I still wouldn’t be so judgemental of someone doing it later. You don’t sound like a very good friend tbh, it’s one thing to worry about whether they’ll cope, health issues etc, but to make a post about it which comes across as judgmental and wanting others to join in is horrible.

Age is really just a number isnt it? I mean energy levels between women not health risks obv .The point is that at 42 she knows what to expect! Younger women are frowned upon for loss of career chances .older for being too old.Cant win really.I would not say anything to her

No more selfish than you. Did you find others judged you?

Madness in my view, just because you can doesn't mean you should. But your response of that is exciting is right.

I did not meet my partner until 35 married at 36
so did not have a choice but to be an ‘older’ mother
i will be introducing my children to a safe loving and financially stable home with two professional parents who have a good support network. We will be able to support them going to private schools, afford to not work full time to support them (and rest) - all would not have been possible if i had a baby when i was younger

you are the same type that would have judged me for having a baby with my abusive partner when i was younger - ‘pick better men to have babies with’.

i have friends who have been ttc since their 20s who are now 40/42 should they just give up so you can sleep at night not worrying about how hard it will be for them

woman cannot win can they?

Mumsnet has a weird obsession with this topic and it always seems to be 42 that's the age in question. It's almost like there's an organised group with a hang up about it who keep starting threads

Why does it matter what anyone else thinks, if the people involved are happy why do you care. When my children were at primary school there were loads of women who'd had children in their 40s, no one was bothered

It`s to old for me tbh to be starting over.
But its not for others i couldent do but others can do it look at it this way its not you thats having sleepless nights its not you that has to deal with a baby and all that comes with that in the following years thats her deal her problems her life.
If its what your friend wants then all the best to her.
Its not you doing it..

It's far too old for me personally, but her choice is her business. It's not ideal from a health perspective as the likelihood of problems increases dramatically with age, Then again, how many of us are making our life choices in ideal situations?

I'd just nod and smile and say good luck.

Many women are so delighted to have a baby when they have turned 40. It must have been a wonderful thing for them.
Thank goodness it didn’t happen to me.
😉😁😁

It would have been rude for anyone to comment about you having one at 38 and it’s rude for you to make any comments about her. It’s none of your business.