To think 42 is too old for a baby?

Can’t understand how you think someone ttc 3 - 4 years later than you is selfish…

A natural consequence of doing the 'right' thing and waiting until you are financially stable, established in a career etc. etc. as we tell women these days is the simply fact that we delay pregnancies accordingly. So many more women than ever before having babies over 40, with all the potential problems that brings.

You can't have it all. Either less stable and established but babies at a 'better' age or very stable and established and over 40. Which would you prefer?

People can do whatever they want, OP @UnknownClam

hth

Each to their own it's nothing to do with you.

I had a baby in my forties and I think it is definitely worth it, but yes it also comes with difficulties. Is the timing ideal? No, I won’t pretend it is. Does that mean it’s overall a bad idea? Not necessarily at all. If you are able to have a baby younger then that is better timing, so if I already had two I am not sure I would go for a third in my forties. That said if your friend has two she already knows what she is letting herself in for and will probably take it in her stride. While the risks of Down’s syndrome are higher, most children with Down’s syndrome are born to younger mothers just because statistically more younger women have children.

One of the mums in a group I hung out with during one of dc’s ECA’s was very vocal about getting pregnant after the age of 30
her last pregnancy was at age 29 and that was enough for her

Just because you can’t hack it doesn’t mean others can’t
People have different strengths to you and to think every woman is the same is incredibly rude

You’re making it out like there’s 20 years difference between 38 and 42. What’s 3 or 4 years? You’re also going to be late 50’s when your child is in their late teens. So why make a post about your friend being late 50’s when their child will be in their teens.

I fully understand once you’re in your 40’s the risks do increase, but it’s each to their own.

Do I personally feel it’s too old? Yes, I wouldn’t have any more children now and I’m 39.

Do I feel I need to share this opinion with friends of mine who decide it IS for them? No. It’s entirely up to them and fairly common.

How is it selfish? I wonder if you are a bit jealous OP?

If she asked you what you thought in a genuine way and not just an excited seeking validation way, it would have been good if you could have asked her if she was sure and, if it seemed welcome, recount your experience at 38. You can do it in a way that isn’t judgmental of her decision, just giving her more data, aware that your experience isn’t universal and you can still support whatever decision she makes.

I agree with pp that women have been having babies into their 40s for a long time. But also that, physically, it is different from (worse than) having them younger and women need to be aware of that.

I had kids at 40. I found younger years utterly exhausting. They are still in school and both DH and I have recently had serious health issues - ones that are typical for people in their 50s. It’s not ideal and I wouldn’t recommend it as a plan. On the other hand, it’s not like, once you hit 40, you could just turn the clock back to have them younger.

But aside from the fact of having a baby at 42, I would think more about being 60 with an 18 year old

And why is that?

All women are different and have different pregnancies and experiences of raising children. Also different menopauses! It's not a yes/no, or aibu situation. Some women are great mums at 45, terrible at 25, and vice versa.

I agree. It's a legendary fallacy. It's nigh on impossible to naturally conceive past the age of 45 and even more impossible to carry a healthy pregnancy to full term and give birth to a live healthy baby. Let alone do it again afterwards (as that poster suggested as she said babies - plural)

Well, it’s not really fair to make a sweeping statement that it’s not a good idea.

some will be absolutely fine.

I had my 2nd at 39 and I’m 45 now. I really found it incredibly exhausting, far harder than my first in terms of energy etc. absolutely not a chance I’d have another in my 40s.

Exactly. I know there can be an urge for one last hurrah in your early 40s, and a maternal feeling kicks in as you're just about to go down the road of no longer being able to conceive naturally... But it's best resisted. (IMO.) For many reasons........... That have been listed by many posters on this thread, including me. (Especially if you already have children.)

Aye, she asked you what you thought. None of your business. Absolutely none of your business.

I'm really conflicted with this

had my first at 28 with no issues

then experienced secondary infertility/ recurrent miscarriages meaning I had my second age 37 with a big age gap

Im 40 now and feeling broody and im
just trying to ride it out as I can't understand why I want to roll the dice again with everything I've been through.

I believe it's common in their 40s to get this urge due to hormones . If I'm honest for me personally 40 does feel too old and I actually feel 37 was too but Mother Nature didn't leave me with any Choice .

in an 'ideal world ' I wouldn't of had children past 35.

No, that's not my point. She was talking about being limited by pushing a pram and changing nappies. I was saying that could be shared with the dad.

YABU.

Have you just found mumsnet? ...this topic is discussed constantly.and the general consensus is if you are lucky enough to get pregnant then enjoy ! I had a baby at 41 and it was better than when I had one at 31. Just live your life.

it’s not about two parents. It’s about doing stuff as a family. I’ve got an 8 and 11 year old. We go to the movies, restaurants, holidays where we can swim and relax. None of those would be doable with a baby / toddler. It’s a total shift in dynamic.

Thanks Sakura.

Bit extreme.

Why can't she do both? Isn't there a Dad to share that load with?

Really don't understand how that post is patronising? These are all factors that should be considered.

The fact that very few people want to consider them is a whole other point.