To think 42 is too old for a baby?

It would be too old for me. I'm 42 and have three teens.

My sister however, is 40 and pregnant with her second. Her other child is only 3. Maybe she'll want another one when the new baby is a toddler, I don't know, but it's her life to lead not mine.

It would be far too old for me but it seems the norm to start having babies in your 40s. I had my first at 19!

I have read that the risks associated with having a baby once you are over 35yrs are the equivalent to having a baby with a first cousin. So long as people are aware of the risks, it is up to them.

I don't know, @UserNow . I'm nearly 66, still working, very active and more than capable of looking after my toddler great nephew!
I always think that these things are just really about how you manage as a family, and what works for you.

Your post is the one not thinking outside the box.

By the time she's 60, the child will presumably be headed off to uni. Some women manage careers and children and sail through menopause. I had my children younger than that, but I'm 60, my parents and in-laws are all fit, active, healthy, and we're all financially fortunate enough to afford care should it be needed. We could easily have managed a baby at 42, sleepless nights and all.

And this
She will very likely never get to see that baby's children.
is absolutely beyond bonkers

Why are so many people on MN old before their time?

They can only win if they perform womanhood in the correct way for their era. These days it means being totally career-focused until 32, when you have to flip the switch and become a SAHM, having married no sooner than 28. But you have to keep your hand in with your career and start working three days a week when the baby is a year old. Any sooner and you're a bad mother. Work anymore than three days and you're being selfish. Work any less than three days and you're being lazy.

Basically you've been doing it all wrong, didn't you know?! 😂

I agree with you, for all the reasons you have stated. I’m a similar age myself, with teenagers and I would never. I’ve had pangs about it too over the last few years but my rational brain has taken over, I think it’s probably a natural feeling when you come to the end of your fertile years.

It would be a different story if she was childless at that age and had only met the right person later in life. In fact a close friend had her one and only child a couple of years ago at 43 because it just hadn’t happened earlier. But when you already have much older children it’s not fair to them, or to the new baby who will be a different generation to their siblings and have older parents with much less time and energy available for them, having been doing the hard slog of parenting for the previous decade and longer already.

My mother was 42 when she had me, and miscarried after me. There is a 9, 12 and 18 yr gap between me and my siblings. Do I feel short changed by her being older, no; am I unhappy about my childhood, no. To me and to her it was just a curve ball that life threw to her.

Haha!
I wouldn't exist if it were up to you, as my mother had me at 42.

She managed to bring me up just fine, and also be a fabulous grandmother and babysit all of my children and pick them up from primary school each day?!

Seemed to work out ok for us. 😀

Well you're entitled to think and feel what you like, as long as it's not harmful and you don't go round forcing your views on everyone.

From what you have said here, you handled the situation diplomatically and kept your misgivings to yourself, which is the correct way to behave in a situation like this.

Yes, exactly.

I don't know. Why can't they?
My point is that all families are different. It wouldn't suit you, it wouldn't suit the OP and I'm well past it! However, some families enjoy that and don't mind the age gap. Everyone's different.

Her body, her life and her choice. Just because this is not something that you wouldn't do does not mean she shouldn't.

I had a baby at 42. I was fit, healthy, easy pregnancy, easy drug free birth. Aside from it being none of your business, it has no impact on your life whatsoever. Leave her be. Oh and to answer your question, my son is now 14 and we have a fab relationship and I still go to the skate park with him (and join in) and support all his hobbies. I’m a lone parent and it’s a privilege.

Not too old. I would it would be more tiring than if she was in her 20s or 30s, but all doable.

YABU especially since you had a baby at 38! A fit 42 year old would be able to cope with a baby better than an unfit 38 year old

To each their own.

It would be too old for me personally to start trying for a first baby but I think it’s quite normal to be having third/fourth/etc babies into your 40s..

Even if there is, why upset an otherwise happy family dynamic. Can’t Mum and Dad enjoy family time together?

I mean, before contraception people had babies until they ran out of steam, meaning that the past is chockful of women who had babies in their early forties. Many women can still have babies at 41 and 42, and 43 is still very possible, although there are quite a bit fewer who are capable at 43. It's not rare, though. Then you hear of cases where people have babies 44-50, although most women won't be able to. Hell, I even know one woman who got pregnant at 50 recently. although she miscarried at 4 months, sadly.

So no, your friend is not too old. If she feels in good health, why not? She could live to be ninety. And if not, at least the baby will have older siblings. He or she won't be alone in the world if the parents die youngish.

I say, get her best sexy lingerie on, grab a bottle of wine, and let the sexy times roll! 😂

I had my youngest at 42. All good - keeps me young. DC does have older siblings (and nieces and nephews who are not much younger) so fits somewhere in the middle and has had lots of love, teasing and arguing plus will go to adult siblings for advice

It’s actually nothing to do with you. Your post smacks of jealousy in all honesty. I was almost 42 when I had my DD so I “kindly” say wind your neck in and stop being ageist and judgmental.

If your friend became pregnant by accident that is one thing, it happens and generally turns out well, the baby is cherished. My mum was born as the youngest of ten by five years when her mother was forty two and she was spoilt rotten.

However I do not understand why a woman of 42 is trying to conceive when she already has quite big children.

We all, or many of us, go through phases of being broody and fixated on having another baby for a while, but generally common sense prevails. The phase passes and they are glad they didn't.

There's nothing you can do. Your friend may not become pregnant, wait and see and be a good, supportive friend whatever happens.

To a degree I think your opinion depends on when you started your own family. I had mine young and I had four. At 48 I can’t now imagine having a toddler/preschooler because my eldest will be 27 this year. I think 40s are quite late to have a baby but if you are in the throes of having younger children about it may not feel too old.

It would be for me, just because I’ve raised my children and have other priorities now. But not everyone is the same and that’s what makes the world go round.

I doubt very much the OP is 'jealous' of a 42yr old planning a pregnancy.... What on earth kind of parallel universe are we living in? We can deny it all we like - but 42 is bloody OLD for a baby !!! I'm in my late 30s and I feel ancient to think about being pregnant again. Not ancient in general, but definitely ancient to have a baby !