To think 42 is too old for a baby?

It’s very hard to read your post charitably. Why do you care…? I wouldn’t want to have one in my 40s because I feel old and I have 3, but my experience isn’t everyone’s!

My SIL had her second at 42. Healthy baby.

Hmm? You are able to have them when you start having regular periods, so technically a preteen or a young teen could, but it would very much be a mistake and dangerous from a health perspective - on top of all the other humongous issues.

It was a bit of a family tradition to have a last baby in your forties, several of my aunties did - all OK and healthy and family dynamics fine. I think my parents would have done the same if my Dad hadn't been made infertile from radiotherapy. My Nana had her last at 46 (as did one of her sisters). I certainly got broody around that age. So far none of my cousins have followed suit!

I assume you're joking given that lots of conditions are caused by "nature" literally making mistakes during the copying of genetic material?

If the OP found "sleepless nights brutal at 38", just wait till you are 48 and a menopausal woman with hot flushes, sleeplessly tossing and turning at 4am every night.

I agree with this.

If you're still able to have them, you're not too old by definition. Nature doesn't make mistakes.

But then following that logic if you have a child in your 40s they’ll send you to an early grave from being knackered through your 40s and 50s.

My grandma had my mother at 41 (I think) and then my aunt at 43, but this was in a time where you had no control over it. They just kept coming.

I wouldn’t simply because I don’t want to get to retirement age still raising children. Absolutely not. I would consider it maybe if I knew I was financially set for life.

On the physical side though I don’t think it would make much difference. I feel absolutely fine and energetic. My coworker had his first child at 40 and he and his wife are perpetually moaning about it though, but I honestly think they’re just on the low energy side.

I personally think it's a bit on the old side but it's not horrific. I think 49/50 is too old though.

But it's not me that's doing it so as long as people are aware that there will be a higher risk pregnancy and they will feel more tired then it's up to them.

I was done a week before I turned 31 and I'm glad that as I approach 40 my children are getting more independent and self sufficient. I don't feel like I could cope with a baby but I'm so far past the baby stage I can't even see it anymore and have no desire to go back. Others feel differently and that's fair enough, their life, their choice.

I feel like anything 55+ is ridiculous and 49-55 is a bit dubious. All of those men having kids in their 70s are off their rocker but again, not my circus, not my monkeys.

Thank god for all the replies saying it’s not too old. We have just started trying literally this week for our first child at 40 and I’ve been feeling hugh amounts of worry and anxiety I’d left it too late.

Exactly. It's not as if on your 40th birthday, your hair suddenly turns white and you develop arthritis.

I’ve seen young mums say this before but it doesn’t really work like that. You don’t stop being a parent just because your kids are in their twenties. They still require support and most kids don’t leave home until well into adulthood now anyway. By the time you hit your forties you’ll be knackered from having spent your twenties and thirties on child rearing duties.

I don't think it's too old if she can still get pregnant.

I'm 38 and pregnant with my 4th (and final) baby.

Personally for me, there's not much difference between 38 and 42 in years and there's plenty of 40 somethings that are fitter than me.

I know it’s her life, her choice
...well just leave it there, then.

Agree.
It's entirely her decision and she is likely to be aware of any risks. There is no need for you to judge.

Luckily it’s just your opinion.

I had my last baby at 43.
I can make a bet with anyone that I’m fitter than most people in their 20s let alone 40s.

I wouldn’t want to but happy to let others live and let live

42?! Come on! Thought you were going to say 48. Clearly it’s not too old if she has got pregnant naturally.

If you want to play judgemental, then maybe we could judge you for not being handle sleepless nights at 38. Just because you struggled at 38, doesn’t mean your friend will. Clearly she feels she can handle it. We’re all different.

My parents were similar - my mum was 24 and 28 when my sister and I were born.
We are in our 30’s now, have kids of our own. My dad has just turned 60 and mum will be 60 later this year…..they go on 3 or 4 foreign holidays a year, multiple weekend breaks to various places, go to music festivals with their friends, concerts, sports events etc all the things they didn’t get to do in their 20’s and 30’s, but they are still in great health and able to enjoy all of those things now.

I had my baby at 42, no regrets here. I’ve always felt young for my age and expect I always will. Just because it’s too much for you OP, doesn’t mean your mate is too old.

In your friends case I wouldn’t do it. It’s more to do with having the older children than her age.

my sister in law started late. Had a baby with Down syndrome at 39 and a neurotypical baby at 45. As she only has those two to consider having late babies has been fine, even if one does have a disability (he is very high functioning).

my parents went for a late baby when they already had older kid. Balancing teens and tots was not something my mother could manage and the older kids were very much neglected and seen as a nuisance. She really couldn’t wait to see the back of us so she could focus on the baby. That created a lot of resentment. Also all the years of sleepless nights took their toll and while she was fit and well at 42, in her 50s when dsis was still primary aged she really started to slow down. She then had some major health concerns when dsis was still in uni.

it’s a trend to have kids later now so you’re better off financially. It’s probably not really better at all, but people who have done it and it’s gone well will defend their decisions to the end, whilst calling people who had kids in the 20s irresponsible. It can be fine, but I do liken choosing to be an older parent to choosing to be a teenage parent. Neither is ideal but it can work out fine.

Wishing you all the best for your 'selfish' pregnancy 😅. Enjoy this special time and congratulations! 🫶🏻❤️

It's individual. I had a baby not too far off 42. I had two older children . It's been the best thing we have ever done. We have a great family dynamics and it's easy to spend time together as a family. Sometimes we do things individually with our children but I'd do that anyway. We keep ourselves healthy and fit, and we are very childish young at heart. My eldest are happy to look after their younger siblings over night so we get our time (they get paid for it so it's a win win for them). Yea there's a chance me and my oh will die before they have children but my parents were very young when they had me and both had died before I got my twenties. Nothing is guaranteed. So for me having a baby much older was the best thing ever. Not everyone wants that though and that's for them to decide. I don't judge them.

The only issue I have is that it's going to be 18 years plus of doing the school run and putting up with all the bollocks that goes with that 😩

I think the saying here is “each to their own”. Smile and be happy for your friend. If it’s too old for you, take peace in that you won’t be doing the sleepless nights etc

You were 38, risks start to increase from age 35 don’t they? You could argue you were selfish for not having your children sooner.

You get people on here who think anything under 28 is a tragedy! Doesn’t really give women much time does it? Someone will always judge.