To think 42 is too old for a baby?

For me it would be way too old, but I had my 1st at 16, 2nd at 26 and 3rd at 31. Youngest 17 next week, I couldn’t imagine having a primary age child at 48 personally.

What a remarkably odd post. Why would it be ‘sour grapes’ to say that it’s highly unlikely that a teenager will make an adequate parent?

I was a few weeks off 47 when I had DS. He's fine, birth was fine, sleepless nights happened and that was fine. I'm 50 with a 3 year old now and it's all still fine.

If you think you couldn't hack a newborn at 43, don't have one. If your friend wants a baby at 43 she should try. Then everybody's happy. Keep it simple, don't worry about things that aren't in your control.

Find it a bit baffling that you’re so horrified when you say you had a child yourself only 4 years earlier… not much difference in terms of any the concerns you have. You’ll also be in your 50’s when your child is a teen?!

I think it is. I can't imagine being in my sixties and having a teenager. My mum had my sister at 41 and I was 15, she left it all to me and I really resented it.

there are a lot of other factors than just parenting love and boundaries. Being a good and consistent parent goes a long way, but some teens will be a nightmare no matter what.

I think 26 is perfect!

I also think 19 is fine ! So long as you feel mature enough and you have good support around you. Granted it is young, but it's not school age.

I gave an example up thread, a relative of mine had 2 by 19- army husband, they were married and had a mortgage. She's laughing now she's mid thirties with adult children! The kids are well bought up too, clever and happy.

I honestly do think these women that have to be CEO and millionaires and lived in a hostel in Taiwan for 4 years before having kids are projecting a bit of "sour grapes" attitude.

This is judgemental I admit it : but the women I know that have that mindset turn out to be the ones that struggle to adapt to motherhood. The kids are normally the ones being stuck in wrap around care and farmed out to childminders from 6 months on because they don't want to affect their career status.

Exactly.

I like your point about motherhood seeming to hold less value. Like that’s the thing that can wait and be risked so that you have time to travel, like it’s the more important thing.

i didn’t get to travel before kids. But I’ve been plenty of places with them. I also completed a degree apprenticeship in my 30s and have best part of 30 year of working ahead of me uninterrupted by may leave or caring responsibilities for small children.

while ideally I’d have liked to have been a few years older having kids I’d take having them when I did over being an older parent.

Luck of the draw I’m afraid. You get the teen you get. You’ve been lucky.

No, it's down to the parenting. Love and boundaries. No way would I - or those in my circle of family and friends - put up with the shit I see mums on MN talk about.

it’s nothing to do with superior parenting due to being older by the way

I didn't say it was. There are poor parents of all ages. And good ones of all ages.

Funny isn’t it. To me 26 seems like the ideal age to start a family.

I was 19, which is a bit young tbh. Though none of us have suffered for it. Dd1 is 20 now. When I had her the average first time mum where I lived was between 25 and 30 so I didn’t feel that out of place. These days I think I’d be a social pariah! With most new mums being late 30s and 40s and often very judgmental of under 30s having kids.

It's crazy isn't it !

I had travelled round Europe on a motorbike! Got a decent career, married, home owner and had two much wanted children before I was 28! To be honest I too felt I was at the later end of where I wanted children. I felt a bit too near 30 !!

I hate that sneery " well you obviously haven't had time to travel, you obviously haven't climbed up the career ladder far enough"

What really pisses me off is how little "motherhood" Is valued. Like travelling, career progression are literally "must haves" ironically I did also do both of those things, but they weren't as important to me as starting a family.

Too many people wait until they've got water tight foundations and a million pound in the bank for Henry's future violin lessons !!

You don't have to have everything! If you have a secure relationship, the rest will follow. Nothing wrong with not travelling, it's not essential, or even doing it later. Most universities are very accommodating for students that have babies and children, if you fancy retraining and have another earner in the house.

My neighbours daughter got pregnant at 21 whilst at uni (they got married shortly before baby arrived, in a small ceremony) daughter and son in law carried on at uni. Grandparents helped. They loved it so much - she got pregnant 2 years later when she'd finished her exams. They're still together and both have qualified jobs (she's part time, as an allied health professional)

I had my first at 26 and was treated like a teenage mum in my social circle.

Luck of the draw I’m afraid. You get the teen you get. You’ve been lucky.

it’s nothing to do with superior parenting due to being older by the way. I was 19 and 22 with mine and they’ve been lovely teens, but I’ve met some nightmare ones over the years too. Some of the worst I’ve ever known were twins of much older parents. They were very affluent and gave them everything. It’s was a huge struggle for them all.

Furthermore, parenting a teenager in your late 50s isnt going to be much fun either (although some teens can be exceptionally lovely but this is not the norm)

It was great fun. She was a lovely teen but that is the norm in my circle. I don't recognise the nightmare teens of MN - nor would I tolerate them.

Not old - my relative in the 1960’s had a baby at 41 - not old - and being in your late 50’s you-are not at death’s door! and probably still working etc enjoying life and can well manage teenagers

@BrandonFlowersEyesWithEyeliner I didn't miss out on my twenties did a lot of stuff and made a lot of memories some not so great. But it was getting boring and I knew I wanted children. Once I found the right guy it was all a go. 2yrs in first baby flat to small house. I am lucky

@Whataninterestinglookingpotato yeah I just got the assumption sneery looks and they decided I had done nothing with my life. Never travelled, zero education benefit scrounger. For me it was the next step and I knew from women's issues in my family. Fertility and misscarriges were common so not to leave it. And I was pushing it tbh at 28!

@BooomShakeTheRoom 29 when I had him. But I was judged for lots very snobby clique crowd. They were gobsmacked when I said I went to Uni and what time got my degrees for. What I did etc. Also got annoyed I BF and did cloth nappies. But this was sheer projection on their part. Woman can be bloody horrid to each other. Tbh I did try for a short while to "Fit". But then i thought fuck it. I have no patience 😁. Still the oddball but happy as I've achieved and gone through so much. Plus the kids still love me! Mine obviously. And the ones I meet in general. Words out on teenagers 😂.

Do you have imagining issues? Having toddlers in your 30s is pretty much the norm for millions of women

Before contraception existed it would have been a lot more common. These days at least we have a choice about these things. It may not suit you to have a baby at that age, and it wouldn’t suit me, but if someone else does it’s really none of our business.

I know a few women who had a “last” baby about 42. I don’t think it’s too old. I’d raise eyebrows at 45 though

Couldn't agree more!!

On the last thread like this - I was accused of missing out on my youth for having children in my mid 20s!!! I was a fully fledged adult who was married with a career and a home!!!! Not a 15yr old gymslip mother still at school!

But as you rightly say, a lot of it is sneery due to needing to justify their own (in my opinion) adverse life choices

According to many people on here is incredibly young. Verging on irresponsible. Of course it’s not. They’re just trying to validate their own life choices of leaving trying for a family until 40.

sometimes life happens. A friend of mine is just about to have her first at 40 after 7 long years of fertility issues, but when people make an active decision to be that age it does baffle me.

People thought you were too young at 28?! That’s a perfectly normal age to have children, not young at all!

I have a friend having a first at 48! It's a donor egg and the pregnancy has complications. Her relationship is also a little odd and they are only now moving in together just before baby is due. He is obviously only having a baby because she wants one and is currently rather stressed.
She has elderly parents herself with declining health and a mentality disabled sibling.
To be honest it's a really selfish act on her part at this age. The child will be an only child of very elderly parents.
But obviously we are all just being polite and saying how lovely and excited we all are for them.
It is what it is and absolutely nobody else business.
It's not when the child is tiny that it will be an issue more the fact that they will have parents of 60 when they enter secondary school, 70 at graduation and possibly dealing with elderly care in 20"s and 30's when they should be living their own life. This is why it's a selfish move.