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AIBU?

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Original poster

Furious at my lazy fuck of a boyfriend.

218 replies

ThrowingHands · 22/03/2025 10:09

A couple of months ago, I began to notice our dog was pooing in the house and I couldn't figure out why. He's an older dog so took him to the vet to try and figure out if it was fecal incontinence due to his other health issues. Vet said unlikely. Thought we were going to have to run more invasive tests until bf announces yeah he's been doing it for weeks.

I said well what have you been doing about it? He said nothing because he's been sleeping. He works an evening shift and gets to bed quite late, and has been letting the dog shit in the house rather than wake up before 11am to see to him.

I was fizzing. Not least because he also said he doesnt clean the floor the dog has pooped on. Just picks up the poo and wipes the area with a dry paper towel if needed. Fucking gross.

I took a week off work annual leave and retrained the dog again. Basically involved sleeping on the sofa downstairs and getting up at all hours of the night to make sure the dog goes out when he needs to, and it worked. He's been fine for weeks.

Until this morning when he did it again in the house (even though the back door was wide open), and then in my car on the way to the park.

Spoke to bf and yep, he's been letting the dog go in the house again because he's too tired to get up.

I have told him to pack a bag and get to his mums. I can't even look at him right now. AIBU to tell him not to bother coming back?

OP posts:
MissScarletInTheBallroom · 22/03/2025 11:17

ThrowingHands · 22/03/2025 10:11

No children. No plans to have children.

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Good. No reason to stay with him then, surely.

Original poster
ThrowingHands · 22/03/2025 11:16

Equinoxkombucha · 22/03/2025 11:14

Ugh he needs to be an ex-boyfriend. What a lazy fucker he is! Poor dog being examined by vets when it’s not needed. The dog would not want to poo indoors because the dog is presumably house trained. How confusing for your poor dog.

That pisses me off too. He watched me be so worried about it, came with me to the vets, let me pay for the vet appointment and didn't say a bloody word until it was mentioned about having further tests.

OP posts:
Equinoxkombucha · 22/03/2025 11:14

Ugh he needs to be an ex-boyfriend. What a lazy fucker he is! Poor dog being examined by vets when it’s not needed. The dog would not want to poo indoors because the dog is presumably house trained. How confusing for your poor dog.

Thisisittheapocalypse · 22/03/2025 11:14

Surely he's now an ex-boyfriend. Surely they're not coming back from this level of lazy, disgusting behaviour that is grossly unfair to a living creature.

MyDeftDuck · 22/03/2025 11:13

The poor dog must be so bloody confused! And. it is being neglected by your lazy, obnoxious twat of a bf. Don't let him back into your home - just concentrate on being the responsible dog owner that you clearly are.

faerietales · 22/03/2025 11:13

Ecotype · 22/03/2025 11:12

The OP was having a dog walker take him but then the boyfriend offered to do it. You can’t blame her that he is such a lazy arse.

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I don't blame her, but equally if my dog was suffering, I would do whatever it takes to make him comfortable. I wouldn't just leave it and blame someone else.

faerietales · 22/03/2025 11:12

ThrowingHands · 22/03/2025 11:10

I can't make the dog poo on command. If he doesn't go in the mornings when I let him out (I try multiple times if he's up), what am I supposed to do?

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No, you can't make him poo on command, but you can do more than just let him into the garden. Put his lead on and take him for a walk up the road - many, many dogs need that stimulation in order to poo. It would probably take you less time than letting him out in the garden constantly.

If that doesn't work then yes, fair enough, but you owe it to your dog to at least try, surely? Confused

If he can't cope with a short 5-10 minute potter, then I'd be looking at his quality of life.

Ecotype · 22/03/2025 11:12

faerietales · 22/03/2025 11:06

I know.

But you said you used to walk him and now don't, and then the dog started pooing in the house. Letting him out clearly isn't enough, you need to take him out for a walk!

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The OP was having a dog walker take him but then the boyfriend offered to do it. You can’t blame her that he is such a lazy arse.

blubberyboo · 22/03/2025 11:10

I think you are both being unreasonable for having a dog in the first place when you aren't able to give it a routine.

Your different working hours are confusing the dog so it can't have a regular bowel movement. Sometimes you are training it to go when it suits your hours and DP when it suits his.
People who work nights do need to sleep during the day. If he is working with machinery, driving HGVs or cars it's dangerous to have interrupted sleep. I wouldn't call that lazy.

GreatGardenstuff · 22/03/2025 11:10

Why would you want to share living space with this vile, selfish and unhygienic person?

Original poster
ThrowingHands · 22/03/2025 11:10

faerietales · 22/03/2025 11:06

I know.

But you said you used to walk him and now don't, and then the dog started pooing in the house. Letting him out clearly isn't enough, you need to take him out for a walk!

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I can't make the dog poo on command. If he doesn't go in the mornings when I let him out (I try multiple times if he's up), what am I supposed to do?

OP posts:
viques · 22/03/2025 11:09

ThrowingHands · 22/03/2025 10:11

No children. No plans to have children.

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Best news I have read this morning. Imagine how he would have coped with nappies!

Nanny0gg · 22/03/2025 11:06

businessflop25 · 22/03/2025 11:04

I think YABU. Your dog your responsibility! When you get up you should let the dog out and take for a walk, if walking not an option then you need to let him out for long enough he does a poo. He should then be able to go the 4 or so hours until your BF surfaces. A dog that can’t go 4hrs either isn’t trained or has something else wrong. It’s up to you to sort it out.
m you can’t expect someone else to get up in the middle of their ‘night’ to sort your dog out regularly.

Why don't people RTFT?

faerietales · 22/03/2025 11:06

ThrowingHands · 22/03/2025 11:05

RTFT. I do let him out in the mornings before work.

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I know.

But you said you used to walk him and now don't, and then the dog started pooing in the house. Letting him out clearly isn't enough, you need to take him out for a walk!

Nanny0gg · 22/03/2025 11:06

MrsSunshine2b · 22/03/2025 10:40

He's not unreasonable not to want his sleep interrupted. It's a dog, not a newborn baby. He is unreasonable not to talk to you and work out a better solution. The options are, let the dog out at 3am, then go to bed- the dog should be able to manage 8 hours overnight; let the dog out at 3am and you do the same before you leave for work if he can't manage for that long; hire a dog walker to come and get the dog before you leave for work.

Now read the updates

The b/f is awful

Original poster
ThrowingHands · 22/03/2025 11:05

faerietales · 22/03/2025 11:04

OP used to walk the dog before work and now doesn't because apparently the dog can't cope with a walk.

Now the dog poos in the house.

I'm failing to see why that's the boyfriends' fault? OP needs to take her dog out, even if that means driving to some grass or just letting him potter on a lead. Even the oldest dogs can cope with a gentle potter - and if this particular dog can't, it sounds like it would possibly be kinder to have it put to sleep.

Edited
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RTFT. I do let him out in the mornings before work.

OP posts:
faerietales · 22/03/2025 11:04

Candyflosslatte · 22/03/2025 11:03

Bf needed to arrange a dog walker then as he was responsible for the mornings ?

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OP used to walk the dog before work and now doesn't because apparently the dog can't cope with a walk.

Now the dog poos in the house.

I'm failing to see why that's the boyfriends' fault? OP needs to take her dog out, even if that means driving to some grass or just letting him potter on a lead. Even the oldest dogs can cope with a gentle potter - and if this particular dog can't, it sounds like it would possibly be kinder to have it put to sleep.

businessflop25 · 22/03/2025 11:04

I think YABU. Your dog your responsibility! When you get up you should let the dog out and take for a walk, if walking not an option then you need to let him out for long enough he does a poo. He should then be able to go the 4 or so hours until your BF surfaces. A dog that can’t go 4hrs either isn’t trained or has something else wrong. It’s up to you to sort it out.
m you can’t expect someone else to get up in the middle of their ‘night’ to sort your dog out regularly.

Mnetcurious · 22/03/2025 11:04

ThrowingHands · 22/03/2025 10:55

This is just the latest in a long line of straws on the camels back!

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Just get rid of your boyfriend permanently then! Move on to better things.

Candyflosslatte · 22/03/2025 11:03

faerietales · 22/03/2025 10:51

But that can't work if he's not getting in from work until 1am and not going to bed until 4am. So you need to change what you both do.

You need to walk him before work and make sure he poos.

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Bf needed to arrange a dog walker then as he was responsible for the mornings ?

Stafanko · 22/03/2025 11:02

YABU. I'm really confused about this and why everyone is up in arms about your BF. Why aren't you taking your dog out properly in the morning before work, after you've had a full nights sleep?
But instead you expect your BF to get up a few hours after he's going to bed to do it?
Why is he lazy/guilty of cruelty but you aren't?

Granted the cleaning up with a paper towel is absolutely rank.

TheAmusedQuail · 22/03/2025 11:00

ThrowingHands · 22/03/2025 10:57

This.
I also mentioned in front of his mum that he had stopped walking the dog during the day and he was so angry with me and embarrassed 🤷‍♀️

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So he KNOWS he's wrong but just wants you to deal with it silently. What a prince!

Stick with the dog, not the man.

Original poster
ThrowingHands · 22/03/2025 10:59

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 22/03/2025 10:57

I agree with this.

I'd be fuming at him for being a dirty bugger and not cleaning up properly. That's absolutely diabolical.

I wouldn't however be mad at him for not being able to get to sleep as soon as he finishes work, or not waking up before 11am when he had been on nights.

When you get a dog you have to accept that age is a factor that will eventually mean they're not able to hold it in as long, or even go on command.

Our own 15 year old boy has had a very regular routine all his life but now struggles to open his bowels in the windows of time where he has access to the outdoors, and it's just simply because all his bodily systems are slowing down with age. He does have accidents. It's not incontinence, it is just how his body now works.

We have to adjust his feeding schedule either earlier or later now to accomodate for the fact he might not need to go within 2 hours of eating now as was his regular but might need 3 hours or even 4 and somebody needs to be in for him.

If we aren't in we get a dog walker or a friend to let him out.

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Aww I'm sorry to hear your 15yo boy is struggling. That's what I'm trying to explain to my bf. He's had years of uninterrupted sleep but he needs to make adjustments now for the dog getting older. It's not the dogs fault.

OP posts:
PoppyBaxter · 22/03/2025 10:59

He's lazy, disgusting and cruel. Dogs find it distressing having to poo in their living quarters.

faerietales · 22/03/2025 10:58

ThrowingHands · 22/03/2025 10:56

Just to reiterate this is just a recent issue, since the dog was diagnosed with neurological issues and has become a lot less mobile. He never did his business in the house before then.

If the dog has neurological issues and isn't very mobile, maybe you need to look at his overall quality of life. Is he on medication or painkillers and getting veterinary support?

Your boyfriend sounds useless but equally if the dog is used to being taken for a walk in order to poo, then someone still needs to take him out, even if it's just for a potter to some grass.