DH walking ahead

Hold his hand. Walk beside him. Moderate your pace and chat. One day he won't be there. Stop rushing. The generally unimportant destination you are rushing to will still be there if it takes you 5 extra minutes to reach it.
I had a friend who walked at a million miles an hour. We used to meet for coffee and a mooch.You can't chat and mooch when one of you is out of breath. I gave it one more chance and walked at my pace to see what she would do. Off she belted. Apparently her mother always walked incredibly fast everywhere. I haven't seen her since. It was a pleasant experience and , at 60, I'm cutting unpleasant experiences out og my life. Maybe you should do the same Op

While I do have form for being unreasonable (according to him, its my default mode!).

I suspect in this case "being unreasonable" may be code for having your own views, preferences, opinions and desires and not immediately dropping them and apologising when it becomes evident that they differ from his.

This is the first thing you should be changing.

My DH used to do this, and he isn't a narcissist, though it may be some latent unconscious misogyny. I spoke with him about it. He also said he was a fast walker. I asked him why then did he not do this with anyone else but me. Then I made sure to always have my own key, ticket, money, etc., and once he knew I was doing that because I was stopping playing keep up, he realised his mistake.

Oh. I bet this man is a cunt across the board.

Do you have access to any money?!

My ex used to to do this. He is over a foot taller than me and said that it “hurt his legs” to slow his pace to match mine. I’ll never forget having to run, while pregnant on holiday in Lisbon, with a heart murmur , up a steep hill to keep up with him.
It’s not the main reason why he became an ex, but it made the list!
There can be all sorts of nuanced reasons around why someone would do this (a dominance/ control thing, an ingrained amygdala response to stress) or it could be, as I eventually decided, simply down to him being a selfish prick sometimes. 😂😆

So do you have access to the money that he earns? If not you’ve got far bigger problems than just him walking too fast.

Seems like he's back in Victorian times where the man was always walking six feet ahead. In future I would just walk at your normal pace. Stop when you want to stop. He might just realise you aren't with him then. He sounds horrible tbh

I do this as I’m a much faster walker than DH. It’s not intentional

I get your frustration 😔

My DH is the most frustrating man I've met ! There's many , many more examples I could give you but I'd dominate the thread and end up making it my own ! But he literally is completely oblivious to basic social norms. I'll admit to an outsider many of behaviours would be considered "abusive/controlling" and sometimes there is a questionable overlap, but it's plainly absolutely obvious that he literally lacks awareness.

There are great points to him: strong morals, loyal to a fault, 'captain sensible ' (our mortgage was paid off at a very young age ) he'll never come home steaming drunk, he'll never gamble, there'll never be an "affair" etc etc. he's extremely reliable.

Anyway, I digress. Your father certainly ticks a few Asperger's boxes, sounds like he likely has it. The only thing Is, pursuing a diagnosis now is futile to be honest. Sometimes I'd love my DH to officially have a diagnosis, but it'd be more for my benefit than his. Unfortunately, when he would have benefited from it would have been his formative years and the horse has bolted. (I strongly suspect both his brother and mother have it also so there'd have been a lack of awareness that he was 'different')

Please get a job, OP. And then, start to make plans to leave. Happiness awaits you, once you get rid of this vile man. And I agree with the others, I don't think he likes you very much.

This all sounds horrid. An evening out to the theatre should be fun from the start not a mad rush with one person miles ahead. You are not even rushing together. He's just abandoned you. My BIL and SIL are like this. He had an affair years ago. It ended and they got back together ( for convenience more than love) . They have spent the last 24 years sucking the joy out of each others lives .He is always miles ahead. She fell and broke her ankle ( osteoporosis ) on a group walk and he had no idea because he was miles ahead.
My exhusband and I went to Center Parcs when the children were small. We had a pushchair each. Everytime I caught up with him he deliberately walked faster to get back in front. He was much taller than me and , in the end, I just gave up and walked behind . He also got up and moved if I sat next to him. It was the last holiday we ever had. He was having an affair with someone from work . He had checked out of our life . Does your husband actually like you Op.

Dh had a tendency to do this. He genuinely is a fast walker and always looked back. After a while I got tired of it and started telling him. Slow down. Or I took his arm and made him slow down. It worked now he rarely storms ahead. Dd1 however I still can't make stop at age 27...

Over 20 years ago my now DH did this on our first date, I remember because I stopped abruptly and asked what he was doing and why he was expecting me to trail behind him like some sort of subservient woman. He apologised and never did it again.

This is always the sign of a massive twat, at the very least. Makes me so sad when I see it. @AngelofmycoinsI hope you are ok. If, as people suspect, this is the tip of the iceberg, please make plans to get some help and your own income.

This sounds far more of an issue.....

I had a friend like this. One day, enough was enough. So I stopped, watched her disappear into the crowd, then crossed the road, hopped on a bus and went home.

The friendship fizzled out after that.

OP - just stop facilitating it. Either don't go with him in the first place, or go knowing you will both do your own thing once you get there. You can't control his behaviour, but you can control your response.

All I’m going to say is that you deserve better! My wonderful DGF was the epitomy of a true gent - even in his nineties he’d insist on walking on the outside of the pavement if I was with him. Find someone better!

It sounds as though he doesn’t really like you very much. He certainly doesn’t respect you.

I would have just turned and gone back home. Actually I wouldn’t, because I would have left this wanker years ago.

I hope you find the strength to leave this horrible man.

He’s treating you like a dog.

It honestly shocks me that you’ve tolerated this behaviour for 17 years. He wouldn’t have even got a second date off me.

We were on a walking tour a couple of days ago (we’re on holiday) the guide had to point out to him that only she knew the way through the tiny city centre streets and that it would be better if she led.

Mine does this, so does his father. I either just go at my own pace or sometimes it’s quite fun to catch up so that he has to walk faster and faster to keep ahead. Airports are the worst, he is obsessed with getting through airports quickly.

Jeez that’s awful but you know he just said that to hurt you and he’s the ugly one inside.

OP my lovely-in-every-other way DP occasionally does this. I remind him we are not on a forced march and so he stops.

My OH does this. Not all the time though - seems to be more when we're on holiday or in some unfamiliar place. I don't think he's consciously doing it, but he's determined to take the lead. I've had the same experience as you of catching up and determinedly holding pace, only for him to suddenly swerve off, for example cross the road, so he can take the lead again. It is grating.

Don't ask him to go in a coffee shop. Just go in and get a coffee. At some point he'll notice you're not following him.

Start just walking separately to him. Go somewhere else. I imagine ove rhe 17 years you've mentioned it and it's not done anything. So just start fucking about with him. Make it a funny game for yourself.

Now either he'll stop. Or, if he's doing it deliberately to put you in your place he'll become nasty, and you will have the clarity that you are not unreasonable, he is abusive, and you can leave and be free to find someone who likes you.