DH walking ahead

My DH does this! I often stop and see how long it takes for him to notice! I’ve often said I could fall over and he wouldn’t notice! He does notice and laughs and waits for me then holds my hand and very sarcastically walks very slowly which results in me offering to thump him, there’s no malice he’s just faster at walking than me!

No reasonable person would put up with this! Why on earth do you need his permission to pop into a shop? Just go, when he looks round - tough shit. Don’t kowtow to him and his demands. He’s showing you how much he thinks of you!

My DP does this. I absolutely hate it with a passion. Doesn't matter how many times I've told him how shit it makes me feel 9 times out of 10 he still does it. Got to me more when DD arrived. His answer is simply I don't walk as fast as him.

Depends - do you walk dead slow? I get irritated with slow walkers so would walk on ahead.

on the other hand - my ex used to do this (and I don’t walk slow obviously!) so one time I simply abandoned him in the city centre. Would love to have seen his stupid face when he finally realised I was no longer there. He kept calling me and texting asking where I was and I just ignored him. Next saw him again a few hours later at home - he walked in all flustered saying he was so worried and I was incredibly out of order to do that to him. I told him if he’d walked WITH me it wouldn’t have happened. He never did it again.

My ex husband was like this and I would just go in a shop or sit down and wait for him to come back bollocks to following behind

I explained to my much taller husband that he blocked my view if he was in front. He now always lets me go first, as do if children or anyone shorter than me is with us on a scenic walk. I can't believe how many tandem bike riders we see with tall man in the front seat breezing along whilst female sits behind with a fabulous view of his back. Fortunately my DH is empathetic and doesn't need to go first to massage his male ego. Maybe take mobile footage of what is happening when he strides out in front so he can actually see the situation even if he can't naturally Intuit it? Some men really do make me despair.

Anxiety is quite a big thing and if he doesn’t even recognize he has some, he would never ever be able to see that he is acting irrationally. For him, there is reasons to his actions and he will get mad for you not « knowing better » meaning having the same anxiety than him.

he treats you bad and you should seek marital guidance again if you are not going anymore. The fact that you don’t earn money is a difficulty for you in this scenario as he has way too much you need him for and he, maybe, doesn’t feel the same…

My ex used to do that, said it was because he walked faster than me. No answer when I asked him if that was the case, how he always maintained the same distance between us, as surely if he was walking faster, the distance between us would grow bigger? Boiled down to control. Controlled speed, direction etc. Twat.

OP, is your husband always right, prone to angry outbursts when vexed/disobeyed, very keen on appearances ie everyone has to appear to be perfect to the outside world, does he change what he’s said to make him look correct ie he’ll pretended he didn’t say something when you know he did (aka gaslighting)? Does he make you feel like you’re always in the wrong, never listen, incompetent and generally an awful person?

Walking ahead is a classic narcissist thing to do.

From your post I’d say you may be married to a narcissist. The arguing with the therapist is a good indicator. I bet she was challenging his behaviour. Sensitivity to critiscism is also a classic sign of narcissism. He may be overt (grandiose, look at me sort) or covert (woe is me, why is everyone so mean to me type). Neither is curable and both can be impossible to live with. Narcs can’t improve because as far as they’re concerned there’s nothing wrong with them so there’s nothing to fix.

Get on google and see if you are dealing with a narc. The only real way to properly improve things is to leave.

I have a friend who does this too and it drives me up the wall. I just go at my own pace now and she will eventually turn back and realise I’m not there so has to retrace her steps. I think it’s ignorant to be honest. It spoils the enjoyment of the day as, like you say, it’s impossible to chat when they’re steaming on ahead isn’t it

My ex used to do this...it's fucking annoying and I wouldn't tolerate from a new partner.

Cryingathtegym my ex husband did the same, walked off carrying our baby from the maternity unit and left me trailing behind carrying my cases-post section…angry at myself 25 years later for tolerating this kind of behaviour

God. My abusive ex used to do this to me all the time. March off and leave me trailing behind him with the kids. If I said anything I was always in the wrong obviously.

I remember the night we took DS2 home from hospital, I was 3 days post emergency c-section and hobbling down the corridor (no pain relief because the midwifes were so busy they kept forgetting), as he marched off carrying the baby without even looking back at me. The midwives noticed I was struggling and got me a wheelchair eventually.

When I started crying and tried to explain why it had upset me, he got really angry and shouted at me all the way home in the car, then stood over me shouting as I sobbed and tried to breastfeed newborn DS. When I struggled to let down any milk because I was in such a state by that point, he started yelling at me that I was failing as a mum and letting both him and my baby down.

It's quite an extreme example, but it's something I'll never forgive or forget.

My thoughts as well (not just Saudi), but not sure if I was allowed to post it

This won’t work with an abusive man.

I get it, my DH does similar, except he will start off walking beside me and slowly drift so if I don’t go behind him he’s walked into me. He has zero spatial awareness and will do the same with our daughter. We both call him out on it and he then tries again to walk beside us but we end up having to make an evasive manoeuvre to avoid being stepped on.

Pretty much. Reading about a woman who’s whole life is going to be ruined at the hands of an inadequate and therefore horribly abusive man is fucking depressing.

I feel your pain. The only answer is to deliberately loose him and pretend your so upset you needed to go into the nearest cafe for tea and cake to cheer yourself up. The most expensive cake available. If he keeps doing it escalate to wine bars and buy something expensive off the menu to go with your favourite tipple. Get an Uber home. Make sure it’s all on the joint account.

XP did this. Was on the spectrum. With him he used the excuse 'I need to walk at the same speed as the dog.' Fine on a dog walk (if unnecessary, tell the dog to walk slower) but when out without the dog?

I used to go into shops or wander off somewhere nice. Eventually my phone would ring - 'where are you?' Well, if you walked WITH me you'd know, wouldn't you?

It wasn't deliberate. he just didn't consider me at all.

Walk off in the opposite direction and find a different cafe/taxi home/bus/ theatre. Say nothing. What a rude man.

Ffs, OP, leave him.

Oh my god - my husband did this and it infuriated me. The last straw (amongst others) was when he did this to me when we were walking around New York and I was so upset. He found it hilarious - darting across roads leaving me on my own

we split up very soon - shows a lack of care and consideration and actually arrogance!!

Live ur own life and let him walk ahead but alone. I couldn't tolerate this.

It's a Man Thing. DH does it, his dad did it, my dad did it... occasionally I just stop and wait to see how long it is before DH will notice I'm not there. And sometimes I've genuinely not seen where he's gone.

(Contrary to what some posters say, he's not a horrible man, I'm not going to LTB...)

In the last couple of years of his life, FIL wasn't well, and MIL used to walk ahead and not wait for him. He complained most bitterly!

Yanbu.

DH walks very quickly, I walk fairly slowly. When out together he walks at my pace…. he can slow down, I can’t speed up!
If he accidentally speeds up, I remind him and he slows down again.