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AIBU?

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Original poster

To fake a drinking excuse to avoid my friend finding out we are ttc?

105 replies

nondrinking · 21/03/2025 20:52

This girl used to be one of my best friends, my bridesmaid, my partner-in-crime for ridiculous amounts of cocktails. Then I got married, had a baby, and settled into SAHM life (which I love), while she’s been off traveling, climbing the career ladder, and generally living it up. We drifted apart after I had my little one, which is a bit sad, but we recently started messaging again and have finally made plans to meet up after nearly two years!

Since she knows my husband very well, we’re making it a couples’ thing as she’d also like to see him, and she’s coming over with her boyfriend (whom I haven’t met yet). Naturally, she asked the all-important question: what are we drinking? Back in the day, we had a talent for putting away an impressive amount of cocktails and staying up way past our bedtime having charcuterie and wine, so fair enough.

Here’s the issue: my husband and I have cut out alcohol while we try for baby number two. It’s been over a year (no luck yet, unfortunately) so trying to maximise our chances any way we can. But we have also realised that telling people we’re TTC just leads to endless questions and unsolicited advice. And with this friend… she’s not known for keeping things to herself, and I know she’d be checking in constantly with “So?? Any news???” texts. I’d rather avoid that. From social media and the odd messages we have exchanged I know that alcohol is still a big part of her life, something she enjoys and I’m not sure she really socialises without it (not at all in an unhealthy sense)

So, AIBU to make up a reason for not drinking? And what’s a good excuse that doesn’t scream, “I’m pregnant” or “We’re trying”? Also, what about my husband? We can’t both be on antibiotics, surely?

OP posts:
pimplebum · 22/03/2025 07:20

When she buys a round go for wine spritzer when it’s your turn at the bar get soda water in a wine glass and ask the barman to put a drop of apple juice in it looks like wine

if it’s wine at the table , have a bottle of soda water in your hand bag to water it down when she’s not looking

with all the talking no one noticed

..,, or how about just share something personal with an old friend

“ we’re not drinking because we have secondary infertility and are desperately trying our best to conceive, we don’t really want to talk about it again until we have happy news “

oh and good luck 🤞 👶

londongirl12 · 22/03/2025 07:13

I haven’t had a drink in years as alcohol doesn’t agree with me anymore. DH might have one beer as he just doesn’t enjoy it anymore. Not drinking isn’t a big deal like it used to be a few years ago where everyone would comment. Just say you gave up for dry January and you’re both liking the positives you feel from it. And if she keeps pushing you, stay firm, but then don’t see her again as she isn’t a good friend if she can’t respect someone’s decision.

luckylavender · 22/03/2025 07:12

ByWildLimeCat · 21/03/2025 21:05

Is there any part of you that fancies one night off to let loose a bit? One boozy night catching up won’t ruin any TTC chances for you and if you’d enjoy that over worrying you’ll trip up over an excuse you’ve both made up, I’d get a few drinks in and enjoy it and get back to the 0% the next day!

I say this as I can’t think of a reason you’d both be off the sauce without eyebrows being raised!

That's not helpful. There have been plenty of good excuses on the thread.

mummyh2016 · 22/03/2025 07:10

owlexpress · 21/03/2025 22:47

Honestly if you're 25-45, married, a SAHM of a young child and don't drink, she's going to assume you're pregnant or trying regardless. There's nothing more annoying than friends making up daft excuses not to drink, as though we're all stupid. If you're definitely not going to drink give her a heads up. Nobody really cares, but if one couple are drinking heavily and one aren't at all it changes the vibe, especially a night in. It's not much fun. She might prefer to change your catch up to a meal out or a daytime coffee where alcohol is less of a focus.

I agree it's not the drama you're making it out to be though, just say you've given up for health reasons (not untrue).

This. You need to give your friend the heads up before.

sweetpickle2 · 22/03/2025 07:08

If she’s as full on as you say and would constantly text if she knew you were TTC, then it sounds like if you say you’re not drinking she’ll be needling you to ask if you’re pregnant.

bifurCAT · 22/03/2025 07:03

This reply has been deleted

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RampantIvy · 22/03/2025 06:59

I have a few friends who have given up alcohol for one reason or another and none of us question it.

I think the simplest answer is the best "we don't drink alcohol any more (for health reasons)" should suffice.

I agree with pp that the antibiotics excuse from women of choldbearing age screams pregnancy.

ChildrenOfTheQuorn · 22/03/2025 06:58

So you want to reconnect with an old drinking buddy and you're choosing not to drink? Not going to be much fun for her, is it? Could you not just have a couple of white wine spritzers?

HappySheldon · 22/03/2025 06:54

Dh does not drink due to a health condition.

He drinks alot of AF beer and frankly no-one notices- particularly if it's on tap which more and more places are doing. We were out last night and he had 2 pints of AF beer and someone actually said to me 'Has he taken up drinking again?'. Recommendations- AF Guiness is apparently really good. Erdinger AF as well. There are loads out there now. Our local pub has 6 different types of AF beer and have just started doing AF wine as well.

But, IME- people who are bothered by you not drinking often relax if you drink an AF beer- it's like there is a subconscious response 'They are drinking too!'. So when I have been alcohol free if i drink lemonade people seem a bit restrained, but if I drink an AF beer they behave as they would normally.

thismotherhoodthing · 22/03/2025 06:47

buy a bottle (or two) or Prosecco and a bottle of Nozeco and give her the alcoholic version. Same with alcoholic and non-alcoholic beers? I did the same when we were hosting at Christmas and no one noticed

Nothanksiwillwalk · 22/03/2025 06:30

Just say that your a lightweight now and can't bear the hell on earth that is a caring for a small child with a hangover. If she pushes for you to drink 1, laugh and say you know what I'm like and I won't be able to stop at 1.

Zanatdy · 22/03/2025 06:27

Just say you both did dry Jan and are trying to see how long you can do it for, you’ve seen a lot of benefits. Or you don’t drink now you’re a parent.

WonderingWanda · 22/03/2025 06:25

Meem321 · 21/03/2025 21:00

Or get pissed and shag when you get home? Works for teenagers...

This....every time I've actually got pregnant was when I'd had a drink, let my hair down and not timed things right etc.

Marie10f · 22/03/2025 06:24

Just that you both did dry January and have decided to continue. Not that unusual now. I did a month off to avoid Christmas party hangovers and decided to continue. No one questions it now as they know I don’t drink any more

Lengokengo · 22/03/2025 06:23

when i was pregnant or ttc , I would limit myself to 2 small glasses of wine a week ( on different days), as research showed this would have no impact ( and , years down the line with my clever active teenagers, I can attest this is true.)

if there was a night out, and it was early days and I didn’t want people to know) I would enthusiasticly have a first glass of wine, spin it out for ages, them switch to water. Literally no one ever noticed.

by the time I went off alcohol totally ( about 5 months pregnant) everyone knew anyway.

Allswellthatendswelll · 22/03/2025 06:12

Just say you don't want to be hungover with a toddler and you are a lightweight these days (probably true). Also.a few drinks on occasion won't make any difference ttc.

If you haven't seen her in two years maybe she's changed her lifestyle a bit as well. Tbh you sound a little bit judgemental of her living a different kind of life to you and like you are overthinking the drinking thing.

Groundhogday2025 · 21/03/2025 23:32

You’re both on a health kick and given up drinking. The fact you have a child already and that husband is also not drinking makes it less suspicious that it’s about TTC. Most wouldn’t suspect secondary infertility.

YankSplaining · 21/03/2025 23:27

You’d both like to lose a little weight and alcohol is empty calories?

threeIsNewSeven · 21/03/2025 23:26

The prolonged dry January should be enough of an explanation. You've noticed you like it better that way and don't want to start making exceptions (yet)

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 21/03/2025 23:22

Tell her your child is going through a period of getting up Al through the night and hangovers + toddlers are awful so you've not been drinking so you'll stick to a couple. Then have one or two and alternate with water / dribking v slowly so you top up their glasses but not yours/ keeping wine in the kitchen or fridge so you get glasses but top yours up with spritz or have Tonic without gin etc

VikingLady · 21/03/2025 23:20

“I’ve started getting really awful gastritis, and I’m really not a fan of puking blood so I’ve had to cut out alcohol entirely. I know, it’s awful”

followed up with “no, it’s all alcohol, even a bit. It’s like an allergy”

This is actually true for me these days and I used to drink an awful lot. If you want symptoms, it’s like drinking acid: a burning feeling on the way down, boiling acids in your stomach, then back it comes. Plus a bonus diarrhoea attack later, if you need to get into detail.

People use antibiotics/medication as an excuse so often it’s practically a euphemism for ttc!

menopausalfart · 21/03/2025 23:14

I don't drink because I can't stand alcohol. Just say you don't drink anymore and feel better for it.

MissMoan · 21/03/2025 23:13

I don't think you need to give details.
You could say you are both avoiding alcohol for health reasons.

pizzaHeart · 21/03/2025 23:10

Olika · 21/03/2025 21:16

Just tell her you are not drinking anymore as having a child has changed things for you.

This^
DH and I very rarely drank until DD was five. She had health issues so it’s much more understandable in our case but in general with a small child you might need to get up at 6, you have to be vigilant and active at the same time so all these is not compatible with drinking in pre kids style.

Onelifeonly · 21/03/2025 23:10

Honesty is the best policy. Many years ago my best (still best) friend came up with some cock and bull story as to why she wasn't drinking when we went out one night. Truth, I later found out, was she was pregnant with her second child but didn't want to tell for some reason I have now forgotten. I was really hurt when I found out as I was struggling to conceive, as she well knew, and I'd been fully open with her about what I was going through. I felt like I'd been kicked in the face.

But if you must, just lie. She may not believe you.

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