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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I in the wrong here?

32 replies

paulhollywoodshairgel · 21/03/2025 20:09

I have been off work on long term sick for 6 months now. Both mental and physical ill health. Having a really tough time.

Heres the thing. My husband seems to think because I’m ‘at home all day’ that he is exempt from cooking and household things. I’m not on annual leave. I’m ill. I have agoraphobia, CPTSD and Bi Polar. Also fibromyalgia. He literally comes in from work and goes upstairs for a lie down as he’s been at work all day. Am I wrong in thinking he could at least offer to cook tea once in a while? I just feel a bit uncared for really.

OP posts:
aylis · 21/03/2025 20:45

He should be supporting you in your illness and in the house. No question at all about that.

SometimesCalmPerson · 21/03/2025 20:43

Does he cook on the days he doesn’t go to work?

GRex · 21/03/2025 20:43

What is your plan for getting better? Most wellness plans, particularly for fibromyalgia and anything mental health related, involve building up effort. So making dinner, doing laundry etc would usually be part of a staged plan. It may be that the GP is still working on steroids for fibro, bipolar meds etc with you first, but you really should have someone working with you either CBT or basic OT depending on how you are. Worth talking to the GP about it.

On the specific feeling of being cared for, your DH should be making some meals but is reasonable to expect you to make some too, given the circumstances.

DrummingMousWife · 21/03/2025 20:42

Can you agree a chore split and rota ? Could he let you rest at weekends by taking over ?

TryForSpring · 21/03/2025 20:40

He's being a selfish prick.

But don't post anything that shows vulnerability on AIBU, you'll get the vultures circling.

Original poster
paulhollywoodshairgel · 21/03/2025 20:37

I spend all day trying to keep myself together so I can appear normal for the kids when they get home. I do housework if I’m up to it. All the laundry. Cooking. It just irks me that he doesn’t even offer. When I’m working I still have to do it all so I think I just need a bit of support.

OP posts:
ZekeZeke · 21/03/2025 20:26

What are you doing all day long?
Can you physically do housework and cook or does your illness prevent you from doing it?
If not, then I think YABU, he is out working all day while you sit around doing nothing. Unfair on him!