What is it like to have a good mum?

It's similar but different to a best friend relationship: somehow deeper, with the love and understanding absolutely baked in. My Mum was my widest counsel. She was hugely supportive but also asked challenging questions and sometimes pulled me up if I needed it. She was creative and playful, made a house a home and never, ever let me down. The ways in which I miss her are innumerable.

My mum is awesome. I'm not sure I'd describe her as my best friend, it's a different relationship. I know my mum loves me unconditionally - I've not tested it but I know she'll always have my back. Whereas I'd expect a friend might step away if I acted like enough of a fool. As kids, my mum always put me and brothers' needs first. It's very reassuring to grow up knowing that your mum will always be there. For me, I think it helped build me into a resilient, independent woman with good relationships with others.

I always knew she was a great mum but I've possibly become more aware of it recently as I've got a young baby. I'm doing my best now to emulate her!

My mum was a good mother, had some faults but she gave us a good childhood. As an adult we weren't really close in the sense of being in constant contact - she once commented on how her younger neighbour phoned her mother every day and she couldn't imagine what they had to talk about. I remember feeling somewhat upset at that, though knew I wouldn't want to do it either.

I valued her opinion and advice generally, but I didn't really share intimate thoughts with her - my own daughters are much more open with me. And I realise it wasn't the close relationship it could have been. I was brought up to be self sufficient and independent and once I got past about 30, she didnt involve herself that much in my life, though we always met up fairly regularly.

Even as a child I remember thinking that we were not the centre of her life, my dad was - though with hindsight, I don't think that was 100% true either as she found him disappointing in some ways.

She died several years ago but had had dementia for years by then. I think of her often but I don't miss her so much as miss the way she was the centre of our family. It still feels like someone is missing but that started long before she died.

My mum is wonderful. I know I have someone in my corner no matter what. I'm 40 with a husband and two children but if it went tits up, they'd be there. They have always believed in me, supported me, let me cry and vent and be a total cow and they're still there.

I will be lost when my mum passes away.

One thing I remember distinctly as a child is when my mum said don't worry, it'll be ok, I genuinely, 100% believed her. Like she could magic it away.

I feel so lucky to have my mum in my life and I hope one day my children will say the same about me.

My mum is 80 and I’m only just getting to know her as a person in her own right, and she’s lovely. My DF passed away 3 years ago now and he was pretty controlling and I always wanted to get to know her as “her” and I’m finally getting that time so it’s precious to me.

I do find her judgemental and is very clearly a different generation some of her comments are a bit “mother you can’t say that” but I'm having to just take her as I find her.

I know she loves me, she never told us much but i do know she massively appreciates spending time and being with the family and her grandkids.

Shes not my best friend no, and never will be but I know she’s there for me and the family.

My mum would have died for me. I had such love and support from her, she was wonderful. She was my rock. We could talk about anything, we laughed at the same things. When she died I remember thinking that I would never know love like that again.

My mum always has my best interests at heart. Any advice she gives me is unequivocally coming from a place of love. She loves my children and would do anything for them and treats my husband like her own son. She is intelligent and thoughtful and loyal and not a bit like me at all so a great sounding board to give an alternative opinion. She’s the first person I phone if I have a problem

I am not good enough for mine, luckily she did get her perfect child but it wasn't me.

I am pretty sure I turned history on its head with my two kids, they know they can come to me about anything (and they do).

My Mum is definitely my best friend. She is the one person I always go to for advice, she is always there for me no matter what. She is an amazing grandmother and always goes out of her way to put her family first. As a teenager I was always able to confide in my Mum, she was always very understanding and I never felt afraid to tell her anything. I really hope that my children will feel the same.

Definitely not a best friend type relationship but we live within 5 minutes of each other and see/ talk to each other at least weekly. She has and continues to be a huge support emotionally and helped with grandkids when needed. My parents have helped financially too. We've gone on holidays together and have another nice one planned for later in the year.

One positive, yiu are living with her in her home having fled DV.

Really lovely. I’ve always felt safe because I know if I need to I can go back home to my mum and she’ll help me, even now at 40+ years old, I think it’s given me the confidence to go out into the world and try things because I know someone’s always got my back. If I’m ever down it’s always her I want to speak to, she knows how to talk me down and make me feel better. I dread the day when she isn’t here, but I know I’ve been so lucky to have her, and I’m so sorry your mum hasn’t been able to give you the same.

My mum died last year. And when she died I realised I'd lost my biggest cheerleader. Don't get me wrong, I have great friends and a wonderful husband but my Mum was so ridiculously proud of everything I did or achieved. I came from a very deprived background and she worked so hard to give me a good life. I am professionally very successful now and I know she loved to brag about me and my job to her friends because it meant, in some small way, she'd succeeded too. I miss her endlessly.

I don't know. My mum was an alcoholic and our relationship was really hard - now I don't see her.

The bit that worries me is, how do you know if you're being a good mum? I adore my kids and do my best for them - but I sometimes wonder if I am a good mum to them. If you asked her, I think my own mum would have said she was a good mum. .

They are dead to me - that’s the best peace I can wish for.

I hope you will be ok x

I loved my mother and definitely benefitted from her love, admiration, and social wisdom. I miss that companionship now that she is 92 and has dementia. But I rapidly outraced her in some ways and am a better mother than she was and have a great relationship with my two dds. It wasn’t like having a best friend but it was close and deeply sustaining. It sounds like on top of having a terrible mother you are also escaping from DV so this might sound wrong but a great marital relationship can be just as sustaining as a good parental one—if your partner is capable of the kind of firm love that the ideal mother offers. I wish you may safely leave your mother’s house and blossom into a new life where you will be showered with love and affection!

It depends on your view of a "good mum". What you describe doesn't reflect my mum or our relationship but she's a fantastic mother! She (and my dad) do so much for us, especially when it comes to the kids and child care. So she makes us feel loved through deeds and actions, not words (as she's not particularly emotional). She's not my best friend and if I have a problem or need to vent, my husband or close friends are my first port of call. I wouldn't ask for advice from her either but that's not a bad thing - it's just not her forte and I would go to my dad for that (if it was practical advice).

You can get different things from different people. A mother doesn't necessarily fulfill all roles.

That's really sad your treated that way 😞