Son's girlfriend and argument.

I feel for you with the pizza boxes. Get his mates round for a bonfire? ( probably not helpful if you are in a flat sorry)

OP, your writing (and possibly your thinking?) about this is a bit jumbled.

In clear and simple terms - you do not want someone in your space that often. That’s all. It’s your home and you’re entitled to say that he can only have his girlfriend over for X number of days a week. Stop debating it with him. If he doesn’t like it and thinks he’s entitled to have her over ‘because he’s an adult’, point out that as an adult he’s welcome to move out and live on his own terms elsewhere.

Clear, simple, straightforward. None of this nonsense about loaves of bread and coffee.

"I've tried just cooking for me and my son but she ran into kitchen and made toast for herself. I've tried asking her to bring food but she brings a ready meal and uses big oven."

....ok? I don't see what the problem is with that? I can't imagine caring about someone making toast or using the oven to heat their food up. You have issues.

Why not is because you line there too, pay the bills and you aren’t happy.

When he says why not ask him why he thinks you should sacrifice your own feelings to placate him every single weekend.

I feel like this comes down to you not liking your DIL orrr not liking that you appear to have a DIL.

She has gone past just being a random girlfriend, and she is part of the family. If you actually can’t afford the extra to have her around then charge your son more rent. He is an adult and should pay rent like one.

Just have a family sit down, explain the issues together, and then come up with an amount of cash to be contributed (by your son not his girlfriend) for her living with you at weekends.

She probably leaves clothes because she presumed that your son washes his own, if he does then this shouldn’t bother you, if he doesn’t then maybe he should start if her clothes are there too.

Unfortunately, your son has chosen this girlfriend and it is better for you to find workarounds that make everyone comfortable than risk pushing them away.

i should have read the whole thread! Glad that you’ve asked for more board.

I’m a bit confused over why you would feed yourselves free range chicken and exclude her though?

There are so many cheap meals that are healthy and would cost less than that meal to feed all 3 of you.

i couldn’t eat and exclude someone who was staying with us like that.

If she leaves washing up do you ask your DS to do it for you?

You get what you put up with. Whose house is it?

Well it’s not even that, he’s paying £23.25 a week if he’s paying £100 a month.

I agree with putting your naice coffee away. I wouldn’t even replace it with a cheap one, they can buy their own.

I’d also talk to your DS, preferably somewhere neutral, about upping his rent to at least £30 a week/£129 a month.

I would also say that you’re happy to have her there but only every other weekend. He’s the same age as my DS, they should have time away from one another to spend doing sport or hobbies and seeing friends.

I am saddened and horrified by so many threads on here about women, usually struggling, who are being walked over by young adult 'children'
I honestly would tell her to piss off, if your son doesn't like it they can get a rental.
Op you sound vulnerable, time to put yourself, your needs first.

Oh ffs

@DancesLikeAFairy I'm so glad you've asked for £300 a month that will be such a help financially for you. I would treat yourself to an air fryer much cheaper to run than an oven. Then save up for carpeting in your home and any other things you have been doing without because of your finances.

One night a week is plenty for a sleepover.

You deserve a break.

She's 21 and tries to be chatty but hasn't been brought up well.

What a horrid statement. So judgemental. What is it about her conversation that so annoys you or allows you to make value judgements on her upbringing?

Maybe because you can afford infinite amounts of coffee beans/pods.
Maybe the woman who's trying to survive on disability benefits and for whom the coffee is a small treat she can squeeze in can't afford her tosser of a son's CF girlfriend rinsing her coffee beans?

And his friends have to take their pizza boxes home? Why? That’s weird.

You sound awful. Absolutely awful.

You cooked a meal whilst she had toast? JFC.

I would come to some compromise. Every other weekend or she comes Friday goes home Saturday. Say you need some space yourself at a weekend.
Why are you being a wet wipe?

Say if she wants the expensive coffees she has to buy her pods.
Have an adult conversation with then both say you want to bring your own friends back and you can't

Up his rent to £150, tell her the coffee machine is a no go. Limit sleepovers to one or two nights.

Wow. You are setting yourself up for a very bad relationship with your potentially future DIL. The poor girl can’t do right for wrong tbh. You can’t afford the extra mouth to feed, fair enough but you and your son sit down to tea and then begrudge her a slice of bread for toast or use of the oven to cook her pizza?!

I would suggest a schedule for overnight visits and actually make her welcome when those days arrive but it sounds like there will be fault with everything this woman does because you don’t deem her to be ‘good enough’

I look forward to reading your posts in a few year about your ‘nightmare’ DIL..

Very well said. I agree with every word.

Op you’ve even been driving your ds to work whilst getting £100. No wonder things add up and you’re struggling. He’s been a big cost and you can’t afford it.

As for your ex, he had very high expectations on you, not voiced. Was he there for you? I find it hard to believe he expected you to drive 6 hours to sit in A&E with him for an angina attack when you’re disabled and unable to work.

I hope you take this post on board. It’s all about boundaries and expectations of others to treat you with respect and dignity.

Be glad you have never been so broke that you'd have to worry about it.

Not everyone has the money to support another person for 48+ hours a week.

@DancesLikeAFairy Your son needs to start paying you $100/week. Not $100/month. He eats your food, uses gas, electricity, water, and do you provide him with hygiene needs?
He needs to learn what life is in the world, and it's not living practically rent-free and expecting his Mom to pay for his gf on top of paying his bills.

I didn't see anything about opening a window, or the phone/TV issue. I'm with the gf all the way on that. She or your son should learn to drive though.

OP why are you driving a 20yr old to work? He needs to be getting himself there even if that means a long commute of 2+ hours with lots of walking between public transport and each destination. Having to be self sufficient is what will motivate him to spend his money on learning to drive and getting a car or moped instead of spending all his wages on fun stuff. It's time for him to grow up now and stop living like a teenager.

He has a home with you, she has a home with her parents. Their relationship needs to be consisting of dates, mainly outside of either home. They're basically living together and sponging off you, she's acting like she lives there not behaving like a guest grateful to be allowed to stay, no wonder you're pissed off! She should be taking her laundry home with her, bringing food that doesn't need cooking cleaning not helping herself to your expensive coffee. Any possessions she brings (including a wash bag with toiletries) should be kept in DSs room not in the rest of the house. It's not quite clear from your post but if you're saying she had the heating on and the window open simultaneously I'd have ripped her a new one, frankly. She shouldn't be inconveniencing you in any way by staying over. She's a guest not a housemate, maybe she needs reminding of that. Unless your DS is paying 50% of everything and you're living as housemates, then it's not his home too, from the perspective of moving someone else in.

What did you do when she said she was watching the TV that you'd switched off? I'd have told her no you're on your phone don't be cheeky and it's me paying the electric so don't take the piss.

Same when she said she couldn't afford to pay anything. Did you tell her neither can you? I'd have literally said her financial status isn't my problem and she doesn't get to sponge off me just because she's skint.

Your ex is a knob too. Sounds like he wants "married" benefits without actually being married or living together. You weren't even with him when he went to hospital, you were messaging him to check he was ok. No reason you needed to be there too. You're disabled every day of the week, does he come running over to keep you company and be helpful every time you're ill, finding life difficult or having a bad day? I doubt it. Depending on your disability sitting in A&E for hours on end might not have done your own health any good and you'd have been left to fend for yourself the next day while he was also home recovering. It's not practical to have a joined-at-the-hip relationship when you don't live together. He's not the love of your life it was an illusion, he's just another typical selfish man that thinks the world revolves around him.