To ask how to teach boys how to respect women?

Absolutely.

Respect generally isn't a default setting for many people, male or female. I think that's the starting point. I have respect for, and show respect to, both men and women, and so does my children's father. Additionally, for my son (now 23), I tried to give a woman's POV. For example I told him to not to walk behind a woman if there was nobody else around, because she doesn't know what's in his head. I think the fact that our children didn't have a smartphone until about 14 was a huge blessing (because of when they were teenagers rather than any virtue on our part). My daughter is 21 and has struggled with the effect of social media. She developed a serious health condition at 17, found support online but also some frankly dangerous "communities". She is pretty adamant that younger teenage girls shouldn't have smartphones, which surprised me when she said it. I agree though. I've been a teacher for nearly 30 years and the impact of social media on teenagers, especially the most vulnerable, is extreme. And the dynamic between boys and girls is the most damaging I've known it to be.

Treat them like people, and encourage them to treat everyone else like people too.

Don’t criticise sectors of society- coffin dodgers, boomers, teens- and highlight the individuality of everyone. I was a bit shocked to find my boys couldn’t tell the older women at church apart. They were just ‘the old ladies’.

Encourage them into conversation with different people and draw out the personal details- what tv programmes they watch, food they eat.

It’s all too easy for boys not to think about other people in any meaningful way, or to simply ‘other’ them into categories. So boys like me and ‘girls/old people/teachers’.

We had a ‘girls are people too’ thing for a while 🤣

DH had a wonderful role model in his dad. My MIL and FIL treat each other with respect. DH and his brother had high standards of behaviour expected from them and parents acted in unison with regards to this. Both sons were expected to contribute to all aspects of house work, as did FIL.
MIL worked part-time.
I owe my PIL a lot 😄

Only a small thing but after reading lots of mums on here with no xmas presents, birthday presents and Mother’s Day. I made a big thing of taking the boys to buy cards and gifts for mum and family members and installed the importance of caring about others.

They are 6&9 and can accurately pick out what mum and their cousins like in a shopping centre and they get pleasure from doing so and planning it.

My own dad still gets me or my sister to sort mum out which makes me loose a little bit of respect for him each time which is sad.

We talk about consent, so not hugging and kissing the girls in his class (he’s in lower primary), not interrupting his sister all the time and remind him not to do that at school. The discussions will change as he gets older but that’s it for now. I’m a massive believer in modelling behaviours as well, we have a very equal set up at home in terms of childcare and housework, and my partner is respectful to me.

But statistically speaking men are a risk to women, if you parent so you're boys don't have a massive ego they will understand women's point of view and recognise women are annoyed at the structures of oppression and not individual men

I have three boys and am what I consider to be a “strong parent”. I set clear, firm boundaries and have consequences for breaking them. I have NEVER said wait until your father gets home (or similar) and I never failed to follow through on consequences. I didn’t allow them to speak to me disrespectfully (we have a laugh and a joke, I’m not inhuman). We talk about consent and I’ve been talked about women and girls wearing WTF they want. There’s no slut shaming in my house.

Ive got a bit of a thing about accountability and “holding your own power”. The narrative about men being unable to control their own behaviour around a scantily dressed drunk woman boils my piss. Ffs “they made me do it” is giving away all of your own power.

But surely the ones who aren't a risk understand the issues and know that they aren't the problem?

Sure, I'll try. Because it's a broad brush. The majority of boys/young men are polite, respectful and responsive to the authority of women and other men. Like everyone, I worry about the damage that SM influencers are doing to boys. But equally I am also worried that regular, respectful boys and young men - the majority, despite what some MN posters would have you believe - are being collectively judged to be a risk to women. This constant narrative - that you are a danger, a risk, etc. - is going to have an impact on boys behaviour and normal development.

Sorry if that's not the best clarification, but I hope this helps you to see the point I was trying to make!

I saw a lovely instagram account the other day of these 2 gym guy brothers who really invest into tweens/teens, really being amazing role models and changing these kids’ lives. That’s exactly the example of masculinity our kids need more of. Are your boys into any sports or hobbies that could demonstrate positive masculinity?

I have 2 boys and work half the week (3.5 days, out 4 evenings a week) so during that time DH is home doing all the dinner/bed/housework etc. So hopefully that will go some way. But it’s really scary how easily we all can just slip down a toxic rabbit hole (see also conspiracy theorists and those who join cults!), and teens particularly vulnerable to it.

The single biggest positive factor is a strong male role model ( dad) living in the house where they live.

A man who does 50% of the housework, treats their mum with respect and who parents alongside the mother.

Still no guarantee but all of my nephews have had this ( I don't have kids) and all of them are decent men. The oldest is now a father himself and is behaves exactly as his great dad did 30 years ago.

An uncle is good. There will be other men in his life -especially if you join some sort of club around his interests.
But also there are grear celebrities and public figures who you can talk about and hopefully get him interested in them over Andrew Tate.

In that case, that sure they see you calling out men disrespecting you or discuss horrible behaviour you see in the tv.

For example, if one of their teachers on parents evening is being rude/mansplaining/disrespectful to you, call it out calmly. ‘There is no need to speak to me in that manner’ etc etc.

You despairing doesn’t help your boys grow into respectful men. Don’t despair get tough with them. I work with teens and challenge any hint of misogynistic behaviour. As a society, with all the twats on the internet we have to step up big time. Otherwise we are seriously going back to a Middle Ages attitude towards women.

I jump on any refreshments to Karen, bitch, or similar language. I tell my DD loudly in her brother's hearing that no woman now has to rely on a man so men have to be up to scratch if they want to keep a girlfriend or wife. I'm a SP and dad us hopeless so it's the best I can do.

I was chatting to a guy who told me when was growing up, his Dad would often encourage him to think about how the other person might be feeling (bullying, arguments etc). I think this kind of guidance and teaching of empathy skills could go a long way (it certainly did for this guy). Men are all different and great at all different things, but emotional and cognitive empathy skills can be less and need building.

I 100% agree with this. This might not be a great example but I remember watching Barbie with my son and daughter- after I had to have a conversation with my son to make sure he knew as a male he was equally valuable in society.

We often use film to talk about issues and I call my husband and both children if they speak to me without respect.

My son is very respectful of women which is in park down to good male role models from my husband and my dad. He is in his early 20’s now and looking back one of the best things I did for him was that he came to work with me when I didn’t have childcare. I worked in a care home at the time and it would only be for an hour or so occasionally but he would help the kitchen staff by giving out sweet and biscuits to the residents and having them fuss over him. He really respected that I worked in a job helping people and saw me not just as a mum if that makes sense? He would often pop in as a teenager for the parties and chat to everyone or do his home work in my office. When we were snowed in and I had to sleep there for a few days he walked in the snow to get snacks for all the staff and residents off his own back. he values my time and what I do i suppose, I’m not just there to cook/clean be a martyr for him.

Insisting on respectful words around women

Spend time with your sons and daughters.
Teach them all to cook, but make it fun. Share the effort of creating a meal. Praise their cooking efforts regardless of what they taste like.
Teach them all to use the washing machine & dishwasher
Require them all to change their own beds.

I made sure my ds saw me checking tyre pressures, tread depths and oil levels. I taught him how. Get your young sons to help you mend a bike puncture.

Treat them as an equal wherever possible
Listen to their opinions

Everything that everyone else has said here,but I would add - avoid smartphones and social media for as long as you possibly can. Get them involved in household chores (no little princes who don’t lift a finger!). Talk to them about what they see in school. Listen to them and genuinely try to understand their experiences. Find them positive outlets that are also likely to provide additional male role models - sports, hobbies/clubs.

Number one: make absent fathers pay. State as a society that the role of father is a serious one, one to not be undertaken merely biologically.

I think condom sales would go through the roof; but those who were prepared to actually parent might step up and model better male behaviour to their sons, and higher expectations in their daughters.

Two; ban smartphones for under 16s.

@mysecretshame
I despair sometimes with the stuff my boys say but I am hoping they will grow out of this phase and be decent people.
What kind of things are they saying?
I remember challenging my son on something unsavoury he said. He didn't realise it was offensive and it was ,to him, just a common term that was used.