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AIBU?

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Original poster

Family not making an effort

92 replies

MomofAA · 21/03/2025 14:29

My partners family made the effort to want to see our baby when we first brought him home. Wanting pictures and cuddles.
Now he’s 10 weeks old, no one has messaged to ask how he is or if they can see him/us.
They are posting on social media with other family members, days out etc.
Feel as if the novelty of a newborn in the family has wore off.

AIBU for wanting to stop being available for them when they do finally get in touch?

OP posts:
ChanceMet · 21/03/2025 14:53

MomofAA · 21/03/2025 14:47

Nothing has changed since having a baby, but for people to give false hopes to making more of an effort. It’s hard as a new mom and feeling lonely that the people who say they’re just a message away not respond is a bit of a slap in the face

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But if you're lonely, wouldn't you rather see people you like, rather than people you seem to have a rather fractious relationship with?

Morningveg · 21/03/2025 14:53

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Morningveg · 21/03/2025 14:52

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Mrsttcno1 · 21/03/2025 14:51

MomofAA · 21/03/2025 14:47

Nothing has changed since having a baby, but for people to give false hopes to making more of an effort. It’s hard as a new mom and feeling lonely that the people who say they’re just a message away not respond is a bit of a slap in the face

Show quote history

Did they say they were going to be more involved? Is it possible that maybe neither of you are communicating the best you can, or that potentially these are just not “your people” to lean on?

I do get it, my daughter is 11 months old now and I know how overwhelming it can be & how lonely it feels. It’s about finding the right people to lean on in those times, people who love you & are actively in your life, and want to be. My PIL and I have never had a close relationship, so I know that they aren’t the people for me to lean on and it sounds like you probably are in the same boat, if they wanted to be there for you and you had a good relationship then they would have been present for your pregnancy. Find your people, your family, friends, mum friends, who you can count on, but people who haven’t been in your life for 9 months are not going to suddenly change x

KnittyNell · 21/03/2025 14:50

It sounds to me like they don’t feel welcome.

Morningveg · 21/03/2025 14:50

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Morningveg · 21/03/2025 14:49

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Original poster
MomofAA · 21/03/2025 14:49

Hoppinggreen · 21/03/2025 14:47

You don't seem to like them, which may be justified and you don't actually want them to visit but you are annoyed they haven't visited
What do you actually want?

I haven’t said I don’t like them.

OP posts:
Original poster
MomofAA · 21/03/2025 14:48

Okay so I give a brief summary on the situation and most of you have decided to fill in the blanks with your own narrative.

OP posts:
Original poster
MomofAA · 21/03/2025 14:47

Mrsttcno1 · 21/03/2025 14:45

Based on this OP I’m not sure why you’re surprised they haven’t been round weekly, my PIL are the same, I didn’t expect them suddenly round every week because we’d had a baby. They came and met the baby & then went back to occasionally getting in touch really, it sounds as though it’s your expectations that have changed as in you were happy to not see them for 9 months but now you want them to come see you regularly?

Show quote history

Nothing has changed since having a baby, but for people to give false hopes to making more of an effort. It’s hard as a new mom and feeling lonely that the people who say they’re just a message away not respond is a bit of a slap in the face

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 21/03/2025 14:47

You don't seem to like them, which may be justified and you don't actually want them to visit but you are annoyed they haven't visited
What do you actually want?

Pottedpalm · 21/03/2025 14:46

Morningveg · 21/03/2025 14:39

Already it’s becoming clear from the OP’s follow up posts why family might not befalling over themselves to visit

Yep

Original poster
MomofAA · 21/03/2025 14:46

BobbyBiscuits · 21/03/2025 14:41

Sorry, I didn't mean to be rude. It's just some people seem to think their children are fascinating to others when sadly they're not.

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Oh no I agree, there isn’t much to see or do with a 10 week old. It’s just they gush over him and want cuddles all the time but the thought to reach out and actually see him doesn’t follow

OP posts:
Mrsttcno1 · 21/03/2025 14:45

MomofAA · 21/03/2025 14:40

They’re the kind of people that preach effort is reciprocated but our messages and calls would go unanswered. Didn’t hear from them during the pregnancy. We had them arguing with us as we wanted to attend a family gathering with them and we made it clear we wouldn’t want him passed round like a parcel and we were told we were being controlling

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Based on this OP I’m not sure why you’re surprised they haven’t been round weekly, my PIL are the same, I didn’t expect them suddenly round every week because we’d had a baby. They came and met the baby & then went back to occasionally getting in touch really, it sounds as though it’s your expectations that have changed as in you were happy to not see them for 9 months but now you want them to come see you regularly?

ChanceMet · 21/03/2025 14:45

MomofAA · 21/03/2025 14:40

They’re the kind of people that preach effort is reciprocated but our messages and calls would go unanswered. Didn’t hear from them during the pregnancy. We had them arguing with us as we wanted to attend a family gathering with them and we made it clear we wouldn’t want him passed round like a parcel and we were told we were being controlling

Show quote history

So you don't like them anyway, don't particularly want to see them for the pleasure of their company, and there's a history of long periods of no contact and arguments -- why would you think that these things would be any different once you had a baby? You don't get on with these people!

I've never found any relationships of mutual liking and respect required that much 'effort'. Some people behave as if the occasional text or phonecall is a task equivalent to building the pyramids.

VickyEadieofThigh · 21/03/2025 14:45

TeenLifeMum · 21/03/2025 14:31

Have you messaged them?

mn usually wants in laws to stay away until the dc is about 6 months and no other family member is supposed to want to hold your newborn so maybe they are trying to give you space.

Correct. In laws/parents of new mothers are usually castigated on MN for daring to want to visit without a formal, time-limited invitation!

Morningveg · 21/03/2025 14:45

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BobbyBiscuits · 21/03/2025 14:43

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Thank you ❤️

DenholmElliot11 · 21/03/2025 14:43

You fucking show em girl!🤔

UndermyShoeJoe · 21/03/2025 14:43

So did you go to that event? I take it that event was after they had met baby first.

If so highly likely they have taken the same stance as you. They where all interested you set out your stool and they decided well if they don’t want to come if anyone wants a cuddle F em we won’t bother with them.

Much like you now they cnba so F em we won’t bother.

alwaysdeleteyourcookies · 21/03/2025 14:43

And if you don't like them why do you care? That's strange.

Morningveg · 21/03/2025 14:42

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Original poster
MomofAA · 21/03/2025 14:42

Morningveg · 21/03/2025 14:39

Already it’s becoming clear from the OP’s follow up posts why family might not befalling over themselves to visit

Your comments are coming across as if you know me?
it was a generic message, I didn’t see the part where I asked for you to but in and be personal on the matter

OP posts:
alwaysdeleteyourcookies · 21/03/2025 14:41

The usual MN line is to wait to be invited and give "the little family" space. My guess is they're worried about overstepping or being rebuffed.

BobbyBiscuits · 21/03/2025 14:41

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Sorry, I didn't mean to be rude. It's just some people seem to think their children are fascinating to others when sadly they're not.

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