To wonder whether gaslighting is part of the UK medical curriculum?

My experience of the NHS is overwhelmingly positive, and thank you to all those reading who work in the NHS.

However, like all large organisations there are shit members of staff and processes/pressures that encourage staff to take the easiest route rather than what’s actually best for the patient. Fortunately, I am good at advocating for myself but I do have quite strong concerns for those who are not.

I guess it’s a 50/50 chance but interestingly ALL my negative experiences have been with male Doctors, one of whom lied outright when I went as far as making an official complaint (the only one I’ve ever made in my 50 years of life - I’m by far the type of person more likely to send a letter of thanks).

For all its talk of patient-centred holistic care there is still a culture of Dr knows best among certain types. I suspect overwhelmingly that these are men since the evidence-base now shows it is women who suffer poor outcomes disproportionately.

I also think it’s arrogance and a superiority complex. I saw a female GP repeatedly for about 4 years following DD’s birth complaining of virtually non-existent but excruciating periods. Kept being told that periods change after childbirth and sometimes they can get more painful with age and she refused to refer me to a consultant. Wrote in my medical notes that I was anxious. Eventually paid to see a private consultant who asked a lot of questions and then managed to diagnose me within a 30 minute consultation. Turns out my uterus had fused with my bladder and bowel and I needed 3 surgeries to separate them.

I do wonder if a male GP would have taken me more seriously but I doubt it.

I know a few people who have been told they have something minor and sent away, not listened to and had to fight for tests

My daughter’s boyfriend’s mum - it’s “just” arthritis, it’s to be expected in a woman of your age - months and months of fighting for tests and scans it’s discovered she has stage 4 bone cancer.

My boss’s sister told she had IBS - bowel cancer.

My own daughter is coeliac, but we were sent away by the GP many times having been told her symptoms were IBS and/or anxiety.

I think it is a combination of:

a) the arrogance and hubris of people (particularly men) who have become experts in their field;

b) the extremely unhealthy and insular culture of paternalism and rigid hierarchy that exists in the NHS - nurses of higher bands refusing to speak to lowlier colleagues, consultants being treated like little gods who cannot be challenged, GPs behaving as though medical attention is an ill-deserved personal favour;

c) chronic underfunding and underresourcing, which leads to doctors at all levels twisting themselves into pretzels to insist that the patient’s condition is due to something that doesn’t cost money to fix - even when they know damn well that it isn’t the case, they can at least delay committing to expensive treatment, or better still, avoid being the one responsible for it.

It is a shitshow, it is getting worse, and it is killing people.

Yes I had a situation once where I called 111 about my 6 week old. They had a dr call me back and she was so dismissive, said it was nothing, see a GP in a few days if nothing changed etc. Then at the end of the call she happened to ask something which made me mention my older child (3 at the time). Then she said “oh you have an older child? I thought you were just a paranoid first time mother! In that case I think you should go to A&E, I’ll let them know you’re coming.”
DD ended up being admitted to a ward on IV antibiotics. But if I hadn’t had an older child, I’d have been told it was all fine just because she thought I was a “paranoid first time mum”.

In the countries I have lived in, except for the UK, there are different GPs for adults and children. It makes such a difference compared with the UK when your child’s doctor is a paediatrician who only sees age 15 and under.

Personally, I would take it further if it's possible without too much stress. IMO the only way things change is by pushing back and hopefully the paediatrician might think twice before brushing off another parents entirely understandable concerns.

Good luck x

I'm sorry you've had to go through this OP. I don't know about purposefully gaslighting, but I do believe many medical staffs automatic response is 'no, you are wrong' rather than examining each case individually as you'd hope from a medical professional.

I suspect it comes from a mixture of large ego, lack of time, nhs penny-pinching and general lack of respect for patients.

It infuriates me and I always push back against it. I maybe find that easier than some because as an ex staff nurse I know Dr's are just like the rest of us.

In your case I would definitely make a formal complaint and I wish you and your daughter well x

My son was diagnosed with a stress rash which actually turned out to be scabies. Had it for months before he himself asked the dr if it could be that ? I would have thought this was basic stuff ?