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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think visiting the US is justifiable in these circumstances?

118 replies

AnnaQuayInTheUk · 21/03/2025 08:46

Lots of my friends are, like me, very anti Trump and all he stands for. Some of us were having a discussion the other evening about boycotting US products and not visiting the US whilst Trump is in power.

We are planning a visit to the US later this year. It's not yet booked and lots of my friends were trying to persuade me not to go.

However, they are all aware that the reason we are going is to see my Father in Law. He is 93 and, whilst currently in good health, that might not be the case for much longer. We haven't seen him for 3 years. He is almost totally deaf so DH can't have conversations with him over the phone. He doesn't use Facetime or any video calling services so we can't actually see him.

DH is an only child and really wants to see his dad. One of my good friends told me that she thought that, even given the circumstances, we should stand on our principles and not go. Another friend was more sympathetic initially but then said she thought it was hypocritical to criticise Trump and then visit America.

AIBU to think that it's justifiable to go to the USA given the reason?

OP posts:
user4750 · 21/03/2025 14:06

Check your visa carefully and make sure you all meet all entry and exit requirements. Also think carefully about travelling if you have any criminal record.

the Uk and Germany have both issued warnings about travelling to the US in light of a spate of foreign nationals being detained or refused entry.

2024onwardsandup · 21/03/2025 14:06

Of course you should go to see your husbands 93 year old father!!! Your friends are virtue signalling idiots

StandFirm · 21/03/2025 14:04

AnnaQuayInTheUk · 21/03/2025 14:02

The advice re sanitising my SM is sobering. I can't believe that it's come to this.

Bear in mind it's only what's on your physical device, not what's stored remotely (at least not yet!)

CremeEggThief · 21/03/2025 14:04

I wouldn't go to America under any circumstances, and I've said this for years.

You don't need to justify yourself or your decision to anyone, however. Do what works best for you and your family and it's nothing to do with anyone else.

Original poster
AnnaQuayInTheUk · 21/03/2025 14:02

The advice re sanitising my SM is sobering. I can't believe that it's come to this.

OP posts:
MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 21/03/2025 13:58

Of course yanbu.

I wouldn't dream of going to the US under the current regime personally, but I don't have elderly relatives there. I think that changes the equation entirely, and in your position, you would be unreasonable not to go.

I would sanitise your phone/social media before going though. Just in case.

luckylavender · 21/03/2025 13:49

You don't need to justify yourself to anyone

Aweecupofteaandabiscuit · 21/03/2025 13:46

Try-hards attempting to show what great, principled people they are accidentally turning themselves into gigantic arseholes who are oblivious to the optics…. feels like a story I’ve read quite a lot over the past few years.
Your “friends” are very tiresome, I’d ignore them and do the right thing for my family every time.

Original poster
AnnaQuayInTheUk · 21/03/2025 13:46

@ConnieSlow for goodness sake, I'm not copying my friends and am very clear that we are going to the States. Theres no need to be nasty.

OP posts:
ConnieSlow · 21/03/2025 13:45

Are you 5? Do you need to copy your friends to get them to like you. Seriously if you are asking about visiting a very elderly family member over pleasing your friends, then you really need your head checked. Why do you even need to justify anything to anyone?

Original poster
AnnaQuayInTheUk · 21/03/2025 13:44

nightmarepickle2025 · 21/03/2025 11:30

Very strange for your friends to take such an interest in your travel plans. None of their business

I don't think it's strange. It was part of a conversation about Trump and politics in the US where people were saying they wouldn't visit. I said I wasn't looking forward to going there this summer which led to further debate about whether it was ok to visit to see a relative rather than for a holiday.

As I said upthread, I think my/our decision to go is the right one, I'm interested in whether others also think we're wrong/unreasonable or if they are being too harsh.

OP posts:
BigDecisionWorthIt · 21/03/2025 12:03

Family above ideology 100%.

There is nothing unreasonable about wanting to visit an elderly relative.

Does your friend also not visit other countries because of ideology or is it solely just because everyone is on the Trump hysteria bandwagon at the moment?

nightmarepickle2025 · 21/03/2025 11:30

Very strange for your friends to take such an interest in your travel plans. None of their business

whatsit84 · 21/03/2025 11:29

Your friends sound deranged, of course you should go and see your FIL!

PoppyBaxter · 21/03/2025 11:25

Oh no, is this the new trend in virtual signalling? The new "I'm holidaying by train this year to save emissions" 😴

We're off to the States next month and I can't wait!

lifeturnsonadime · 21/03/2025 10:55

oh and you need better friends. They sound very immature.

HRTQueen · 21/03/2025 10:55

of course it is

In a year or two people will forget how passionate they feel about Trump, we will become desensitised to his rantings and actions again as we did last time

lifeturnsonadime · 21/03/2025 10:54

Blimey just go.

Boycotting the USA won't bother Trump! Only you will miss out.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 21/03/2025 10:52

BlondiePortz · 21/03/2025 10:25

They'll soon get bored and move on to the next 'omg you can't do that' thing

Exactly, BlondiePortz, and while folk are absolutely entitled to make their own choices it's this foisting of them onto others which annoys me

Fortunately they're quite easily coped with by just not engaging; IME the more dogmatic ones rarely have anything balanced to say and are best left to squeak and gibber on Twitter, where they can get the oxygen they seem to crave

Ofalltheginjoints · 21/03/2025 10:39

In your circumstances I'd go OP without a doubt.

We're going to Canada in the summer and had planned to cross into the US for a few days but we've changed our plans and will be spending the full time in Canada instead.

We were also planning on going to Florida next summer as we do fairly often but have decided not to go, personal choice but I really don't want to, instead we'll go back to the Caribbean

Ddakji · 21/03/2025 10:26

Sounds to me like you need new friends. They sound both stupid and unempathetic.

BlondiePortz · 21/03/2025 10:25

They'll soon get bored and move on to the next 'omg you can't do that' thing

WinterFoxes · 21/03/2025 10:23

We're going this year to see family. Planned and booked months ago. Any judgement on this would be water off a duck's back to me. We want to see family and they want to see us. Zero guilt. I am a little nervous of the stories of perfectly innocent people being detained, but in reality I think we will just see loved ones and hang out together which we've longed to do for a very long time.

GasPanic · 21/03/2025 10:22

You don't have to justify going anywhere to your swivel eyed finger pointing "friends".

LittleMonks11 · 21/03/2025 10:19

That’s the sort of response a MAGA would make - I’m not visiting my daughter because she’s gay and so on.

we have family in the US and I despise Trump and his accolades. However if the only way we can see them is us going there then we’re going.

You don’t have to justify this to them. It’s your DH mum and dad FFS