Sons Ex wont let him have access to his baby

Lots of good advice here. Agree with most, be patient. I remember never wanting to be a mum but then she was born and that first couple of months? The thought of my baby being out of my sight distressed me so much. It calms down. Let mum use her instincts and protect and learn her baby’s likes and sounds and dislikes. Once she has that studied and can explain it, she’ll be more comfortable and confident as we all were. It’s terrifying being a new mum. I was terrified! She must feel like that too.

Completely serious, not all mothers are calm, nurturing and caring.

Sorry you are going through this. The baby has 2 biological parents and 2 sides to their family. The baby will be safe in the love and care of your family which is also the baby’s family. Babies are fine with their father and grandparents when well cared for. Just like they are fine with the mother and her family when well cared for. They don’t need to be with the mother 24/7, especially if not relying on the mother for food as they are bottle fed. You made a very reasonable suggestion to have the baby at yours for a few hours on the weekend. I think the responses you have received are awful and very unfair to the baby more than anything else,

At this age baby should be where mum is, if you dont want to go there she comes with the baby to you. At least until 6 months. No way would I have left my son with his father and parents at that age. He was 18 months before he w3nt over night and 12 months before he went all day alone. I stopped him going for a while when he came home after his second alone visit for a few hours and when I went to the car to get him out when he came back, they hadn't strapped him in the car seat or put the seatbelt round seat. You need to do things at her pace.

This must be very painful for you but please remember this is his commitment for life. Whatever obstacles are put in his way, keep on trying to be part of that child’s life. It’s about to the child not your son.

You can't be serious, surely?

It's a thing called biology.

The baby has been inside the mother for 9 months and is uniquely bonded to her smell, her heart beat, her voice.

Separating a young baby from that in the first 6 months of life can be deeply traumatic as the child uses the mother's scent, breathing and heart rate to regulate themselves.

The mother is full of hormones that will help her to protect her child and nurture it. It's why the sound of a baby crying can cause milk let-down.

The father wanting to bond with the baby is great - but should be done in a way that is best for both mother and baby. That is definitely NOT taking the baby round for a stranger to play with at 6 weeks old against the mother's wishes.

If he is intelligent and caring, he will work with the mother to prove he is capable of caring for the baby and gradually work up to having time away from the mother.

But the baby would be with their father, why is the mother more important?

Maybe because he takes his responsibility as a father seriously, would you say the same if a mum was asking for 50/50 care, or is the issue that you are a misandrist and are of the view that the male needs to go to work and provide for the little mother at home.

That's what I said.

Bull shit, this is about mums needs, not babies as babies can bond with men as much as women

Actually parental responsibility is a real thing.

Only seen the baby 4 times but wants to take the baby away from its mother! Are you both delusional.

he should be visiting way more. Every day or every other day. And even then a baby that young needs to be close to its mother.

I’m guessing they weren’t together for too long so she doesn’t really know him. Doesn’t know you. So why would she be happy for you both to have the baby when she is not there?!?

Good advice to make sure there is genuine friendship , so if both mum and dad are civil, it's more likely to go smoothly. However when you say this woman will be in your life... and can make things hard with access and make your life hell, sounds like you had some bitter times with your ex. I genuinely think if it's all done right with respect and understanding for eachother and both families putting the baby first, noone from either side will be making eachothers life hell. It's usually when there is disrespect , un reasonable expectations, no effort from father or negative interference from the grandparents , things go very wrong.

OP are you going with him? Is that maybe part of the problem? You don’t really know this young woman. She is feeling vulnerable and emotional. You think she is a gold digger - and she probably knows form your son some of the things you said about you.

if you are accompanying your son when he goes to her house I can see how that would cause problems. It might be clear to her that you are the driving force behind this - so the baby would be cared for by you not the baby’s father.

Why doesn’t he regularly go round and watch the baby for a few hours while she catches up on some sleep etc? That would give him chance to bond without taking the baby away from mum. Don’t you think it would be better for everyone involved if he puts his big boy pants on and sorted this situation out himself instead of you doing it for him?

He should see the baby on the mum's terms for now. Doing nappies, formula, comforting baby as much as he can. She will realise he can be trusted for a couple of hours and she may agree to that at 4/5 months.

Best advice op

A baby doesn’t even recognise themselves as a separate entity to their mother until they are 6 months old. Being separated is highly distressing for an infant. This is about the baby and no one else. In the UK you have responsibilities as a parent not rights. That baby needs to be with his/her mother constantly and the mother as the primary caregiver should be provided with whatever support she needs to give the baby what they need. A father is there as a support system to the mother for the first 18 months (to protect and provide) and then he’s useful to bond with the child for rough and tumble for example, otherwise that’s about it. Before anyone comments, do your research. Society would be in a much better state if people’s parenting was led solely by their child’s wellbeing and not their own selfish needs.

I am a man and have been through this , first thing to is make sure he is on the birth certificate
Keep a timed and dated record of any contact you or son has with her if it is not timed and dated it will not stand up in court
Best bit of advice I can give you is stay calm this woman is going to be in your lifes for the next 20. years, she can make your life hell and make access hard so bite your tongue
Would give her at least 6 months before you ask to baby out with out her
Would suggest to her that you could go round and help her out with cleaning or if she wants a nap. or get her shopping done
If she sees you as a friend not an enemy your life will be a lot easier

You said he was capable.

I asked what you based that on
after acknowledging he had bought stuff.

You have said
he bought stuff
he has tried to see the baby
he has tried to talk to the mum

To me those are not indications of being capable

Honestly knowing what things were like co-parenting my newborn with my ex (and I use the term coparenting very very loosely), the fact that he's allowed in her house is something! She is the one with primary care of this baby, so he needs to suck it up and do it on her terms for now. If baby becomes unsettled, he's going to want his mum and it'll be that way for a while! She is no doubt sleep deprived, terrified and probably emotionally exhausted as well and now she likely feels that her ex and his mum are pressuring her into things she isn't comfortable with which is only going to make her withdraw further here, whether that's your intent or not. They need to learn to communicate effectively and stay civil with each other, this baby's needs come first and sorry to say it, but as the one who's just given birth and is currently doing most, if not all of the care, the mum's needs are a very close second.

If your son intends to prove himself as being a good and devoted dad, then he's going about it the wrong way.

As he isn't married to the baby's mum, he would only be on the birth certificate if he attended the appointment to register the baby with the mother of his child.

Even if he took the mum to court, it is doubtful that the court would rule in favour of such a small baby being taken away from its mum when she has said that she is happy for OP and her son to see the baby in her home.

Neither OP nor her son are showing much respect for the mother of the baby. Hopefully, her own parents are supportive.

If by "biased" in favour of mothers you mean "would laugh this impetuous young man who clearly has neither the welfare of his baby or the baby's mother at heart out of court", then yes, you are right.

Only the lowest bottom feeders among the legal profession would agree to take on his case.

This is because that approach would constitute emotional and psychological abuse of the mother.

Not sure what point you're trying to make here.

The point I was making is that, knowing what I now do, the chances that I would willingly give somebody the power to take my newborn baby away and not return them are approximately zero.

And that's what giving parental responsibility to your flaky ex (whose mother seems likely to egg him on regarding his "rights") means.