Sons Ex wont let him have access to his baby

Baby is still so young to be away from Mum. He should continue being patient and cordial. If he shows himself to be mature and responsible, eventually she’ll hopefully appreciate the time off when they are a bit older. Getting his mam to text on his behalf in this manner might not be inspiring her with confidence

No one is going to pay attention to this because she's not refusing him access!

Ludicrous for a tiny baby to be away from it's mum!

Your son needs to do it on her terms at this point in time.

She isn't refusing access. She's setting out the terms which she's permitting it.

You need to change the narrative - "She's willing to allow access, just in a manner she's comfortable with as a new mum".

I think he needs to understand her position too and seek compromises over time.

She's young, vulnerable, only 6 weeks PP and most likely overwhelmed.

Her priority right now is keeping the baby safe. The relationship with your son has deteriorated badly.

If he was smart, he would take what She's offering, be very hands on helping with feeds, nappies etc while he's there and see to built it up over time.

When the child is a little older, he can seek additional access through the courts, if both of them having natured enough to come to some sort of reasonable arrangement.

A few things jump out from your post.

you son handing control of this over to his mother r’as usual’.

you and your son fighting like cat and said over the money he is giving to the mother of his baby.

you referring to us rather than him.

Your son is seeing his baby. And he is contributing financially. You have become very involved in this - to such an extent that you have probably permanently damaged any relationship you could have with this young woman and her family. You will be forever that interfering mother who tried to take a tiny baby away from its mother. He will be the weak man who hid behind mummy.

back off. Your son need to negotiate this himself. Gradually build up his time with the baby. Get on better terms with the mother. Propose he (not you!) sees the baby three times a week for two hour visits at her home. Then maybe he could take the baby for a walk - build up from there. He could offer to help while he is there - do the baby’s laundry, make his ex girlfriend a meal. This is an intense time for what I assume is a young woman (hopefully over 18). Give the poor kid some slack.

No one has stopped him being involved though so that’s a red herring. The only person stopping him being involved is himself.
Do you think the sort of man to throw a strop because his ex doesn’t agree to him having the newborn in his mums house for hours is actually a caring and involved dad? Of course not, any reasonable and decent dad (or grandmother!!) would see that building up contact time in the mums house in the first step.

Bare in mind he has only met the baby 4 times and he’s already cut contact with the mother over this! So OP and the son have clearly been pushing for the baby from literally day 1 for this to have already blown up.

mum wouldn’t allow them to which according to this thread is the norm, but in my circle is very not the norm with lots of very involved Dads.
Again this is a totally false equivalent, literally no one on this thread has said it’s the norm for mothers to not let fathers bond with their child fgs. Least of all the mother of this baby from everything the OP has said.

The baby is 6 weeks old. I know I would never want to be without my baby that soon after they were born. I’m surprised as a mother yourself you don’t recognise that.

You say men get the raw deal (I do not agree) but if that’s the case, all the more reason for your son to start off visiting the baby at the mum’s home for now.

I think you’ve both decided the mother of the baby is the enemy and you and son are reinforcing each other in this. Stop, breathe. You have 18 years where you will need to work together and what is best for the baby is if you calm down now and build a sustainable system of shared support in the future. No new mother wants to hand over her tiny baby but especially not to people who view her in such a hostile way.
Be kind, be genuinely supportive and you will be a better grandmother.

This. I’m the mother of sons and I would tell
mine this if they were in the same situation. Baby and mum come first, not your son’s rights.

You are massively unreasonable. She isnt stopping your son seeing his son at all. You and your son are simply throwing your toys out of the pram because you want to seperate a new mom from her newborn for hours at a time at a different location simply so you dont have to be in the same room as her.

With this attitude I can only imagine what a crap boyfriend and father you've raised. Good for his ex sticking to her guns.

Is she refusing access or is she just refusing you to take the baby out of her house? Does your son have access whenever he wants if he goes to her house?

The baby is only 6 weeks old! The mother is not denying access at all. You are being wildly unreasonable.

Courts would expect little and often around mother to be built up, once he has become a consistent in the child's life. If he's not willing to do that, what can the court do? They can't force him to be a parent.

How about you ask her to come over with the baby, you could take her in the kitchen for a coffee or a bite to eat while baby is in front room with dad. Then you could get to know her a bit more, she may feel a bit more relaxed knowing you are there to help and then he is getting time himself with baby and she is still close by.

If you genuinely can’t see the difference between your situation and family set up to the one described in the OP then I don’t know what to say to you.

Having a baby outside of a stable relationship is a special circumstance that can’t be compared to the happy families and DHs that you are describing. Presumably your DH was there caring for his baby equally from day 1. There is a bond and trust and love there that can’t be created by 4 short visits over 6 weeks.

It’s perfectly possible for a man to be a responsible equal parent at home without taking a newborn away. In fact, I’ve observed the men that tend to whisk baby off to their mum’s when they find themselves with sole care are the ones that cba to do it all by themselves and are looking for their mums to help them out.

He already has contact, at the mother's house, @beAsensible1 . No legal court in the land is going to separate a 6 week old baby from it's mother and send it to strangers.

@LolaJ82 You "know what it's like having a newborn", but you're adamant a 6 week old baby leaves its mother for the weekend? Yeah, right, sure.

Your son can see his baby at the baby's home with the baby's primary caregiver there. What's the problem with that? You sound absolutely horrible, by the way, and I hope your son builds a relationship with his child without too much interference from you.

‘It’s always the dad that’s gets the raw deal’ FFS. I don’t need to know any more 😂

Lola......why are you sorting out a mess created by an adult??

He should use his money to get contact sorted legally now. Don’t faff about as this is obviously going to be a continually fractious issue.

unless baby is BF he can get a few hours a couple of days a week.

Yes, you’re right. Your son is the one who has it tough here! His suffering is so much greater than the woman who has experienced a pregnancy, birth and is now caring for a newborn as a single parent.

YABVU and would do well to give your son a kick up the backside to get him parenting now, not moaning about having a few hours at the weekend to play daddy.

Your second update is very odd. It’s like you have purposely misunderstood. No one is saying that your son shouldn’t have access to the baby. But it’s perfectly reasonable that the mother should be there too, since newborns really need their mums.

It would also be a good thing if the two parents worked on their relationship – to get on better with each other, for the sake of the child.

If this were me I would - support my son, but not be a go between.

Tell my son to visit little and often, and try to build a friendship with Mum.

Make sure my son was providing financial support.

I would also ask Mum if I could visit, and I would make the effort to get to know her, and not just be interested in the baby.

Atm you're just thinking selfishly, but you'll all be in each others lives forever now, the relationship with Mum needs to be sorted, the rest will follow.

My ex does all the pick ups from my house, if he wants to see his child when he needs to do as the mother wishes and visit again her house. Just the way it is.

Very unreasonable I would say. I've learned that more times than not the woman is reacting the way she is for good reason. Not for absolutely no reason at all. She is trying to keep her child safe. I would think there is more to the story on your son's end.