Sons Ex wont let him have access to his baby

@doistayordoigo This was my DH years ago, although he was a bit older. He went to court for access as his ex was refusing access completely.

So not like your DH at all then.

with him staying with us half of the time, now I know that is a way off, he is a new born after all, however, all we are asking for is a few hours at the weekend

There is no “we” in this scenario. Your son should be stepping up on his own to see this child. I was the mother in a similar scenario and there was no way in hell the father of my child’s mother was going to play mummy to my child. They were welcome to see my child in my home which wasn’t good enough for them so we went to court and the ruling was contact continued at my home for the father only. He gave up after 8 weeks…

This has annoyed me so much, you’re actually expecting to have a 6 week old child without their mother in your home? Tell your son to pull his big boy pants on, shoulder his responsibilities as a father and cut those apron strings. What a batshit crazy idea to expect to have a six week old without their mum.

And I wouldn't go making an enemy of the mum , they could get back together and you will be seen as the interfering mil who caused issues.

Your son (not you) needs to get his head around that he is now tied into a coparenting relationship with his child's mother for the next 18 years, and he's going to need to find the maturity to do this. No, a court would not order her to hand her 6 week old baby to you and I suspect this is more you than him, and you're the one looking forward to raising this child away from its mother as much as possible. That will not help your son's case at all. This is a child and not a toy he has a share in, you cannot 'bond' with a highly stressed baby separated from the one person it knows. You might enjoy your interactions but the baby won't, and this will not help you in the longterm in how your grandchild sees you. Your grandchild will also always be acutely aware of how you view and treat its mother.

It's been repeated what a court would likely set out, short but frequent visits to the baby's house with the mother there, with the aim of your son learning how to take care of a baby and gradually not being a total stranger to the baby which he is now. Gradually, and over a lot of time, that will build up, but 50/50 is years away if ever, as pp says judges are finding the research says this is not helpful to children, their attachments or their stabilities. Your son needs to work on his co parenting relationship with his child's mother and building up her trust in him, and on learning how to parent his child, and that will be through the child's mother, not you.

I think you need to back out , your son needs to sort this out himself . As for access I think pushing to get the baby alone will drive her further in the other direction but going to somewhere she's comfortable and her being there is a good start .eventually she may allow you to have the baby alone . You say you only met her a couple of times before baby arrived , so she doesn't know you very well and trust needs to be built up over time .

The relationship has already broken down so much that they can't even speak to each other, you've got a young mother who is doing all the nights, all the day times (appreciate she might be getting help from her parents but it's still on her) and here's you pair demanding that the baby is left with a near stranger and a boy who can't put his needs behind that of his baby?

He needs to grow up and do what's right for his baby, and that's a small amount of contact at the mum's house, providing for his child and working to repairing their relationship so they can at least be civil.

Did you miss the age of the child and the fact that they want to take it for weekends?

6 weeks is too little so yes you are being unreasonable.
Your DS needs to build up bond time and as the weather gets better take baby for a walk in the pram firstly with babies mum then build up.
They also need to go to court and arrange a custody agreement, but courts very rarely award overnight before a baby is 1.

This is about what's best for the baby and at 6 weeks that's not being away from mum. Your son (and you) are going to have to suck it up and build a bond until baby is a bit older.

At 6 weeks old the baby is too young to be away from mum. She's said he's welcome to see baby at her place, that's perfectly acceptable. You and your son sound immature and unreasonable. You both need to treat the baby's mother well, she will be a part of your lives for years to come. You cannot ignore her and embrace the child. Build a better relationship and respect boundaries. Go over with gifts and congratulate her, welcome her into your life.

6 weeks old? Going to take time for this, need to wait a bit longer.

Also make sure DS is not causing stress with demands or arguments this early, PND is already higher risk with it being unplanned, the relationship not working out and her age, added stress increases that risk.
The best way to bond at this age is little and often, can DS arrange 3 evenings a week to pop over for an hour, then a longer time at the weekend rather than just one longer visit.
The primary thing you need to focus on is making sure DS is being mature and focusing on getting along well with the baby as the focus.

I am really shocked you think it is appropriate to take a 6 week old baby away from its mum! Your son should be visiting at the mum’s house and they should be bonding there together. I think you sound pretty angry and unreasonable. I predict a long 18 years ahead…..

So she's not refusing access them?

At 6 weeks old you visit the baby, the baby doesn't visit you. Is this more about you wanting the baby at your house?

This was my DH years ago, although he was a bit older. He went to court for access as his ex was refusing access completely. The court ruled he could have access at his home but with the mother present, so she came to his house while he saw his son. This then progressed to access at her parents house without her present as his son got older. Eventually this then moved to him having access on his own as the baby got older. Certainly at six weeks the courts wouldn't have agreed to the baby being handed over for a few hours without the mother being present. You need to slow down and be patient, and try to build a good working relationship with the baby's mother based on trust and respect if at all possible.

No she won’t because she’s not denying access.

Grannies don’t have legal rights to 6 week old grandchildren in their home, hope this helps.

OP does your son even want 50/50 or have you told him he does to avoid paying CM?

You came on to ask if you were BU. And now you're offended that people have said you're BU. 🙄

You're being utterly batshit. You can't even seem to separate yourself from your 19 year old, but you cant understand a mother not seperating herself from a 6 week old?! Why aren't you making your son take responsibility for his actions rather than babying him? How long have you been harassing this woman to have the baby by yourself? I suggest you also stop lying about access, she's not withholding it at all, she's just not dancing to your tune.

she is already granting access.

He’s not being denied access, he can see baby at its mother’s home. I think that’s perfectly reasonable considering the baby is just 6 weeks old and needs to be with it’s mother.

Sounds like he can afford a lawyer so he should get one immediately. She will be forced to grant access

It's craziness to expect her to hand a newborn over to a woman she's met twice and a presumably short term ex who can't even keep calm enough to communicate himself.
That's how babies end up in very dangerous situations, she has no way of knowing what your family is like given they've presumably accidentally had the baby in the early stages of getting to know eachother.

Send him to see the baby there, or invite her with the baby to yours.
If she's breastfeeding you won't have overnights for a long time yet, and even if not 50/50 is rarely in a young child's best interests.
You could apply to court but you'd be waiting 6-12 months of possibly no contact with the animosity it often causes. Your best bet for now is hoping the natural protective instincts around her newborn settle as the baby gets older, and during this early stage where baby stays with mum show mum that you're both kind safe people to be around.

The baby is 6 weeks old! No way would I have left my baby at that age.

Wow telling women that fathers always get the raw deal... Have you read half the threads on here?!

YABU because the baby is so young and needs to be with mum, especially if she's breastfeeding. The best thing you can do to support your GC and build that bond is to support his mother and her requests. She's not being difficult, she just wants a safe environment in what sounds like a difficult situation.

My son is 18 months and only just about to meet his dad for the first time (lives abroad) and his father got arsey with me about not leaving him alone saying I wanted to monitor everything when it's not about that. His own mother intervened to back me because she knows that young children can't be left willy nilly with non primary carers (especially that they don't know).

I'm sure you'll be able to in the future and she might even welcome the break if your son puts in the effort now to get to know his child and support the mum.

You sound quite judgemental of the mum btw saying it's all about money, but you hardly know her and only have your son's word to go on.

The mother of your grandchild is NOT denying access to your son.

Your adult son and his adult gf got pregnant, split but had the baby, congrats everyone, and is now allowing access to the 6-weeker in her home. Great start.

A girl, who by your own admission you barely know, had a consensual adult relationship with your son and you've decided she has to do what you want or you're entitled to make comments about her character. Nice.

Suggest you stand back and reposition yourself. They're both adults, let the parents get on with it themselves. Be the positive support in their lives moving forward.