Sons Ex wont let him have access to his baby

Its incredible how low the bar is for fathers. Imagine a mum who'd only seen her new born 4 times in 6 weeks being given credit and told it was fantastic!

No solicitor in the world will tell him he has a right to remove a 6 week old baby from it's mother and take it to a stranger's house and have it for weekends, @HereintheloveofChristIstand , which is what the OP's son wants. NO court will let him remove a child from it's mother. He already has contact. He wants to separate a six week old baby from it's mother for hours and days. Re-read the OP.

The son is not doing everything he can at all, he's seen the child 4 times in 6 weeks and is having his mummy sort out visits for him. There shouldn't be any praise for that.

ghastly bullying threatening post, also wrong, HA!

So your thread title is hyperbole as your DS does have access to his child but quite rightly the babies mum isn’t yet ready to hand her child over to him for several hours or overnight without her being there.

Im 💯 in her corner and you should be doing all you can to support your son with going along with her wishes and not plotting your own demands in place.

I was significantly older than this young woman when I became a mum and there was no way in hell anyone was taking him out of my sight at 6 weeks old.

You DS needs to keep doing the right thing supporting her wishes and his child until she’s ready to discuss shared access. The baby’s 6 weeks old ffs - step back and let them sort it in their own time.

I agree, credit to your DS for actively being there and providing for his baby.

Someone posted this earlier.

That's just basic parenting isn't it?

I'm not even sure he can be classed as "being there" as that doesn't seem to work without his Mum also!

YABVVU Obviously you dont like the girl and think she's after his money. You are not doing what is best for the baby so you are harassing the mother.

If you want her to agree to 50/50 when the child is older show her that you can do the right thing for her child by backing off yourself and your son behaving himself when he visits - changes nappies, gives a bottle, holds baby while she showers or tries to sleep. And he must NOT suggest she showers or sleeps, he just asks what he can do to support her during his visit.

@andthat Well done for raising a son who is stepping up to his responsibilities. On this site there are so many examples of absent fathers.

Seeing his child four times in 6 weeks deserves a medal from you? And not cutting contact with his child’s mother because she doesn’t agree with him??

The outcome would be the same, whether he had a fantastic solicitor, self represented or just built a decent coparenting relationship with the mother. I guess an expensive solicitor can atleast explain this to him. But the money would be better spent on his newborn child.

What's with all the "us"?

Why can't he go there alone?

Will 50/50 be him paying nothing & handing baby over to you?

You sound a bloody nightmare.

It's crazy that you think a 6 week old baby should be handed over to you for visits! The mother doesn't even know you and you fight like 'cats and dogs' with your own child.

You need to step away from this, there is no 'we' here. You don't have any right to see the baby unless invited to the mother's home. But your son seems to have messed that up too.

OP, in all kindness, you need to butt out. There is no 'us' but 'him'.

It's not about her, his, and certainly not your rights to do as you wish with the baby. It's about what is best for baby.

Going there regularly might not be best for your son, but that's tough. If it ever gets to a discussion about having 50/50, it probably won't be what she seems best for her either. What makes the best parents is compromising for peace and harmony.

They're going to have to learn to build a co-parenting trusting relationship. That's going to be hard and take time.

If you want to help your son, and as such get the chance to yourself build a relationship with h your grandson at some point, explain this to him

Mothers who interfer in young parents decisions always make things much more worse. Step away, let him be an adult and learn what being a good parent is all about.

Tell him to get the best solicitor his money can buy.

OP possibly still asleep after posting in the early hours although could be on the other side of the world? This is a curious thread with great responses, but is it a bona fide post? harder and harder to tell, especially with so few details, ie age of baby’s mother, is it her own home, lives with parents, in a flatshare? how far away does she live? does she have other children? will she work and need childcare?
astute 50/50 remark, suggesting a means of avoiding maintenance, i this why the haste?
Baby is not a toy as has also been pointed out, pass the parcel.

Is anyone here old enough to recall the not uncommon occurrence of babies being taken from prams when it was considered safe enough to leave the big pram outside shops?

This, and as a grandmother, if you can’t see this, you are a stupid person.

Take a moment and think about if it was YOUR baby, would you let your baby go off with the feckless father who doesn’t live with you, and the interfering mother of his who you’ve met a couple of times.

No, you wouldn’t.

Well done @LolaJ82 for raising a son who is stepping up to his responsibilities. On this site there are so many examples of absent fathers.

You mention you’ve only met the mum twice. Your focus should be on getting to know her so that in time, when baby is older, she can feel comfortable letting her child come to you home.

Take the focus off getting the baby to your home. Focus on building trust with the mum… both you and your son…if your son wants more time, then at this stage encourage him to do that at her home.

There is no way on this earth I would have let my kids go to a strangers home… for that is what you are… at such a vulnerable age. Take the emotion out of it and see it from that perspective.

Good luck

The fact you’ve already had to insert yourself between them as the “go between” doesn’t sound like they have a very healthy relationship. Obviously she isn’t going to feel comfortable handing her newborn over and watching them leave if he has been arguing back and forth with her.

All your posts say “we want access” “need to come to our house” - if he wants to spend time with his child it shouldn’t matter if he gets to alone with them, or if it is at the mothers house. This isn’t about you. Back off and let your child grow up.

He isn’t being a father himself if he has his mummy fight his battles.

Her advice re access and court is spot on. The court would support what the mother is already offering. It would be up to the Dad to take that and build on it.

You talk about her “refusing US access”, is the real problem that the GF doesn’t want you there?

Also even as a mum who fully trusts DH, we didn't leave ours without me unless essential until around 8 months.
Before then despite being used to DH they would cry for me if tired or fussy. DH has a fantastic bond with them, but at that early stage babies with a healthy attachment generally need their mum for comfort.

They will also likely be more confident as toddlers being left with others if they've had that need respected rather than building an anxiety that going to other people means they won't be handed back when they start crying for mum.

He already HAS access, @curious79 . Both he and OP are free to visit and spend time with the baby. He wants to rip a 6 week old away from it's mother to take it away, re-read the OP properly.

Tell your son to grow up, stop fixing his problems and tell him to wear a condom in future as the ship has clearly sailed this time.
He does have access to his son but by the sound of it, it doesn’t suit you.

How would you have felt if you had been forced to hand over your 6 week old DS to a man that your relationship had broken down with? Try to get him to build an amicable relationship with the mum first and be as compliant as he can. She will start to feel more relaxed and able to trust him over time and he can build up access and learn to co parent. This will benefit all 3 of them.
You don’t like this girl and seem to think she is draining him financially, he can go to CMS himself and set up payments whereby everything is fair and recorded and that will stand him in good stead for any future legal proceedings for access.

This is a supportive site but it’s not here just to validate you and say you’re correct when others clearly think right now the girl is doing what’s best for her baby and that you need to respect her wishes

Why have you posted this in AIBU if when the overwhelmingly majority tell you that you are, you refuse to see value in this? You wanted back up, not honesty. It’s fantastic that your son is doing all he can. When my son was 6 weeks old, I wouldn’t have even liked my husband taking him out the house away from me for a couple of hours, and he was also bottle bed. Mum of baby is not preventing contact, it’s just incredible early days and you need to respect that. You also need to stop being the go between. They are adults and now parents, they both need to communicate themselves.