Sons Ex wont let him have access to his baby

So the poor girl had a baby 6 weeks ago, and you want to take the baby away from her for 'hours at a time'

No! You ARE being UNREASONABLE
Back off, your son can go see his child at her house.

This site will almost always take the mother's side, whatever she does. If she is withholding his rights as a father then he should be withholding a proportion of any financial support he's giving until she allows him a fair access. 4 times in 6 weeks is appalling behaviour towards a father who has been supportive through the pregnancy.

Your advice would have been better if you just mentioned it would be distressing for the baby. I think the OP is actually going to think something distressing for the mother would be a positive,

How long did he take for paternity leave OP?

What did he do during that period if he only seen the baby once or twice?

I would say this is one of those situations where you need to back right off and let him deal with this himself.

Either he will step up and be a good father and have a good relationship with the child’s mother maybe they will even get back together.
Or he will leave the situation and just provide financially for the child.
At that age, neither of those options are bad ones.

Has he made any enquiries at his work re paternity leave? Or will he carry on going to work leaving baby with you?

I note you say 'my grandson'. He is firstly her baby. Then he's their baby. Then far down the list he's your grandson.

Is that what lies behind your own drive for this to happen? A baby - for you?

You are both being unreasonable.

Stop demonising her as being money motivated. She's baby motivated.

Instead of plotting how to take this teen girl's baby from her, step back, stop enabling him to be a mummy's boy, encourage and facilitate your son building an adult and cordial relationship with her, instead of being combative.

Understand the best thing is for him to visit mother and baby in her own safe space. Their relationship might improve if you do that and let him man up.

you're not listening

@LolaJ82 "The girl is refusing us access, unless its with her, in her house"

She is not refusing you access, she is setting boundaries which with a 6 week old baby is entirely appropriate. Your son can see the baby, but only in its home surroundings where the baby feels safe and secure and with its mother who is the only person this baby needs at this moment.

I don't think I would have left my baby with my own mother on her own at that age.

You can't ask a mother to be separate from a 6 week old baby, sorry. That would be distressing for both mother and baby

Yup.

And he doesn't even have to help out with childcare fees!

The baby is only six weeks old, too young to be away from mother for a few hours. Give it a bit longer and go and see him at mother's house for now, that is reasonable.

Absolutely this!!

I am all for fathers having equal rights to their child but it seems that you will be the one who is responsible for the baby.

There is absolutely no need for him to want more access to the child if it means you having to do more.

If he wants more access then that’s great for him and the baby and the mother but he should only go for it if he’s going to be the one looking after the baby and not doing it purely to get one over on the mum.

He chose to have sex and get this girl pregnant and although your support is amazing, he needs to learn how to be a grown up and father.
You being too involved is not going to help him in the long run.

You are being MASSIVELY unreasonable.

The baby is only 6 weeks old. Still an infant. She's not refusing access, she's simply asking for your son to see the baby at her house, which is perfectly reasonable. If he wants to be a good father, he'd see the child at the mother's house.

Exactly. The OP says this young woman is motivated by money, well of course, her earning potential is significantly hampered for at least the next 16 years! Meanwhile her DS can continue in his apparently amazing job consequence free with granny day care.

That's often the way isn't it?

The father gets him mum or a new girlfriend to do the care whilst he works.

The mum struggles to work & pay childcare on her time!

He hasn't had a baby with his ex. She's done all the having a baby.

And do you not remember?

How for the first few months of your own baby's life he was still physically part of you? It's called the fourth trimester for a reason.

Do you not remember how painful it was to have your baby taken away from you, out of your sight?

When you say he wants 50/50 does he have the faintest idea what this even means? Is it really that he wants his ex and YOU to do the 50/50 between you?

Do you both not consider how frightening it must be for her to contemplate the baby going away with a teenage boy and a near stranger?

If your son wants 50/50 custody of this baby at 6w old who is going to be looking after it whilst he’s at his very important very high paying job?

I am guessing that’s you granny? In which case he doesn’t have 50/50 custody. He’s palming the baby off on to you which is not responsible parenting. The baby should be with his mother.

I've seen this sort of thing play out in reality. My aunt and cousin's family.

They're rich, the girl was 'poor' (not really, just a regular person). My aunt and her feckless son always treated her as a pauper, less than them, bullied her.

The girl eventually dumped him, taking the baby with her. The interfering busybody aunt of mine also huffed and puffed, saying that 'she'll ruin her, take the baby from her' and some such. More smoke than fire, because my useless cousin wasn't that bothered, showing up sporadically to see his daughter, disneying around with bunch of toys and then disappearing for long periods of time.

Aunt did hire a super fancy lawyer 'the best money can buy' and went to court. The girl couldn't afford defense and represented herself. And.. the court saw right through the bullying and intimidation, it was clearly evidenced that the mum is a primary caregiver and she was awarded full custody.

Aunt didn't cease her raging, so the child's mum eventually emigrated to another country, taking her child with her. Court gave her permission, because for all the talking the talk, neither my cousin, nor his bully mother were really interested in the child, didn't see her much, they just wanted to have her, because they can, because they're rich, because child's mother dared to dump my cousin.

So 'shit how lawyer' is not always the answer. Genuine good relationship with the childs mother would be so much better for all.

She's already allowing the father access to the baby in her own home. I doubt a court would insist that a six week old baby be taken away from their mum so that the grandmother can do the parenting every weekend.

If money was the driver your son needs to wise up about contraception.

I hope someone is supporting and advocating for the young mum, assume she is also a teen? I see her being bullied a lot going forward.
The 50/50 access is suss right now. Granny gets baby half the week and her son gets to pay less / no CMS.
Is he on the BC?

"Its apparent that his money was the main driver"

As opposed to a young girl not wanting to go through the trauma of abortion. Christ you sound like a piece of work. No wonder with you whispering in his ear their relationship has gone to shit.

The baby is still very young and it’s common that the mum wouldn’t want him to be too far away from her.

If there is abuse or any other issues then a contact centre may be appropriate but honestly I think for now your DS going to her house is for the best.

I think most 6 week old babies would actually really struggle to be away from their mum for as long as you are suggesting and it doesn’t seem like you or son has the best interests for the baby.

DS needs to carry on seeing his son as often as he can with the mum.
In time, he can start taking the baby out for short periods of time without her being there.

The mum doesn’t seem to have done anything wrong in this situation but you (and DS) seem annoyed at her.
You and DS need to separate what’s best for the baby vs the issues with the mum.

FWIW I was a single parent with no involvement from the dad, at a younger age than your son.
You are much more involved than my mum was.

It’s lovely that you are supportive but he is an adult and a father now and he should be taking the responsibility. I’m not sure why you are so involved in it.

I do think it’s nice if you can get a nice relationship with her because it will make life easier and you can absolutely offer to have the baby at yours and reassure her that you’ll be there too, but don’t expect her to want to leave her baby at such a young age.

its bullies day out, folks !!!

50/50 at his mothers house rather than using his “very good job money” to rent his own place and care for the child himself.

WE want access? Excuse me Susan this isn’t about you. If your son can’t suck it up to sit in ex’s house and will only have contact with his child when he has full control (and can hand over to you!) then I absolutely see the problem.

Any father who cares about bonding will put up with a few hours of awkward to be with their child. And you, as a grandparent, should butt the fuck out and let him. You don’t even have to be there. Perhaps you are making it much more awkward.