Sons Ex wont let him have access to his baby

If I had to guess, I strongly suspect that your son isn't actually very interested in the baby at all.

You on the other hand are, but have no relationship with the mother of your grandchild and need to use him to gain access.

If he was really interested in his child he'd have made a lot more effort to spend time with him.

The longer I atay on mumsnet, the more I am convinced that some of these stories are friction.

After some of your updates I don’t think I would want my child around you either tbh, you don’t sound like a very nice person

He’s the baby’s father. He doesn’t need to ask his ex partner where he sees or where he takes his child. He need to grow up and sort this out himself.

@LolaJ82 you are correct. You are bloody awful. I feel really sorry for the new mum having to deal with you.

Whilst some posters are a bit blunt the majority are saying yes it’s unreasonable to separate a newborn from his mum- for both newborn and mum! I’m a mum of two nicu babies and the forced separation is absolute torture. And baby needs mums voice near and her on hand if he needs her. Most posters are pointing this out kindly but you just want everyone to agree with you and aren’t prepared to accept the majority don’t agree with you

Honestly op she'll be begging for a bit of time to herself in the very near future. Until then I suppose it's a case of gritting your teeth & doing things on her terms 🤷🏻‍♀️

Why should people be ashamed for recognising that the needs of a 6-week-old baby take priority over the preferences of a grown man and his mum?

The baby is not a dolly for you to play house with OP.

Utterly ridiculous and cruel that you want to separate a tiny newborn from their mother.

Go and see the baby at her house and grow up a bit. Stop thinking about yourself and start thinking about the best interests of your grandchild.

You need to do what she wants. And no way on earth would anyone be taking my newborn out of my house. You want to see baby it's with her present.

No. The first time I left my ds, he was 14 weeks old, and I went to get my hair cut. I was gone an hour and a quarter.

Go sit in her house
Be super nice
In 6 weeks or12 she will be comfortable with dad and you taking babyfor pram walk to park. Build slowly

You haven't answered the paternity leave question.

I hope your 'shame on you' reaction was you shaken by the realisation that everyone here is telling you that YOU are being unreasonable.

And what has he planned for mother's day? (In case I have to clarify - for the mother of his child?)

its always the father that gets the raw deal

Lol.

Ah, no.

No, the majority of the posts I have seen are giving advice based on what a court in England and Wales will also decide.

Regular short visits in the presence of the mother, to develop a bond and to learn basic babycare, working up to over-night visits at 12-18 months.

The OP can, of course, waste her money going to court to be told exactly the same thing. Or she could use her time more productively, building a good working relationship with the mother of her grandchild, who will be in her life for the next 18 years.

Yes, of course you're the sane one in an asylum full of loonies, not totally out of step with reality...

Shame on you!

You start a thread titled "Sons Ex wont let him have access to his baby" when his ex does allow access, "with her, in her house" which is perfectly reasonable for a six weeks-old baby. Given they "are refusing to speak to each other" that's quite a concession on her part!

Your son sounds immature - "... and as usual hes asked me to sort things out". In her shoes, I'd be reluctant to entrust my baby to him.

You also say "Now my son, wants to be a good father, and eventually wants 50/50 access to the child, with him staying with us half of the time". Is that what he wants? Or is that what you want? Your son works - who's going to care for her baby when he's at his job? So she wouldn't even be entrusting her baby to him, she would be entrusting her baby to you.

But look at how you view her (and I'd bet good money she knows exactly how you view her) - as a gold-digging parasite; "its apparent that his money (even though he is only 19, he has a really good job) was the main driver, to the point where the baby and the girl wanted for nothing". She will absolutely pick up on what you think of her, so again, thank your lucky stars she allows you access! But allow you to care for her baby 50/50 with your immature son hovering in the background? It would be a no from me.

You say "my son and I fought like cat and dog over this" - over what, exactly? Him being foolish over contraception? That you regard her as a gold-digger? Something else? "This" is pretty unspecific.

"... all we are asking for is a few hours at the weekend, to bring him to our home, so that my son can bond with him, and learn how to be a good dad, without the awkwardness of having to sit in her house, with her watching his every move."
That is his opportunity to prove to her that he would be able to care for their baby; in her house with all the stuff at hand. He could cahnge nappies, feed, soothe - all the things that would make his case for him. Instead, he's showed up just four times in six weeks. I'd be watching his every move too.

Bottom line, it sounds to me that you want to play Doting Granny, and I suspect your son would have little say in the matter - after all, your expectations are that he'd 'ask you to sort things out' - "as usual". Every post of yours shows no concern for this young girl whose life has just been turned upside down, and frankly next to no concern for your immature son. So again, shame on you.

Ask her but also be prepared to go to court to get proper access. My brother had to do this. But this is a risk when you procreate carelessly

He’s asking you to sort it out? If he’s old enough to be a father than he’s old enough to sort this himself.
A newborn baby needs to be with its mother. So no you can’t take it to yours for a few hours. Jeez.

Good to see it's opened your eyes.

You don't have any rights to access this child. Your son was old enough to get his girlfriend pregnant, he's old enough to responsibility and ensure the needs of his child are met. Keeping you away from the child's mother is a good starting place.

Hopefully she has family that will advise her to tell him to go to court for access. He won't get to take the baby to your house then either.

Look, you likely don’t know the full story. My son’s dad told everyone I didn’t let him see his baby ‘for no reason’. He failed to mention that he was abusive and I didn’t allow him to see our child (on the advisory of police and other services) because he posed a risk. Everyone felt sorry for HIM and shamed me for keeping a baby from his dad but nobody knew the full story. So could this be a situation where your son is victimising himself but the mother has a reason for doing so?

also, asking to have the baby away from its mother for a few hours is completely unreasonable. It’s a BABY not a toy that can be pushed around. The baby will have a bond with its mother and it will harmful for the baby to be away. Also, this mother will be post partum. A single mother at that, she will likely have all these emotions and asking to take her baby away from her is really not ok. If he wants to see the baby, it will be where she will say is suitable.

OP, moving on from where your ds finds himself.....

He needs to understand that he has 18 years of co-parenting ahead of him so he needs to get over any awkwardness now. He cannot make demands, threaten, harass, call on you or stamp his foot because it won't get him anywhere.

He needs to start again. Take a deep breath, and act professionally and maturely. He needs to accept the terms put forward by his ex, co-operate, take time to build a relationship with his baby. Learn how to change a nappy. Learn how to make a feed, sterilise a bottle, wind and comfort the baby.

It is Mother's Day in a week. I suggest he buys the mother of his child some flowers and chocolates, goes round (by prior agreement) to spend an hour with his child, apologises for trying to pressure her, and start building bridges.

Nothing else will work, she is in the right and the courts will support her stance.

I understand why your sun has turned out to be an entitled shit, unable to put the needs of his newborn baby first. Apples falling from trees and all that.

There have been many threads here where a single mum has had an issue with baby's (usually manipulative) father demanding "alone time" with baby. In every case MN people have responded that a young baby needs to be with their mother.

Shame on you for thinking otherwise.

This.

You’ve had great advice on here so far, OP. But you sound quite immature, aggressive and not ready to listen to it.

If you want to see this baby and if you want your son and his ex to sort things out amicably, then you need to calm down and think about what’s best for the baby, not for you.

Is your son paying CMS?

Is he on the birth certificate?

Has he read any parenting books so he knows what the first weeks and months are like for baby and mum? That might help.

BTW, YOU have NO rights to see the baby.