Sons Ex wont let him have access to his baby

If a couple, the mother would choose to be away form the child when she knew it was appropriate not forced to be, or sent away, by the child's father. If someone wrote 'my DH is making me get out of the room away from
Our baby for three hours so he can have one on one time with her without me there' we'd all think he was abusive

This

So you think OP should take a 6 week old baby from its mother, so she can play granny at her own house? Are you serious or just blinded by bitterness?

The previous posters are supporting a vulnerable (teen?) mum in her fourth trimester and a vulnerable newborn. She is probably still bleeding from the birth, let them be at home and comfortable.
I was in her shoes (but much older than her) and it's a really anxious time. Just to reassure you our son is now two and stays with his dad overnight and every other weekend, but rushing her won't help.
Let baby get to three months before you start trying to take baby away from her.

My suggestions in the meantime are -
Take baby out for a walk in local park and as her if she'd like to join or would prefer a rest at home. This will hopefully allow dad some private time with baby but mum is reassured she can be called and immediately come to baby if baby needs her.

Look for a local (to mum) baby massage class or baby sensory class. Dad offers to pay for this and either take baby alone (mum can wait there too if she likes) or mum joins in with him. Then do the same for children's centre stay and play sessions when baby is above three months. Mum will be reassured baby is safe and happy and there are professionals and other parents about to help mum.

Invite mum and baby together to your home for a meal - in a month or twos time. Then mum can be reassured you have things that baby needs like a Moses basket and sterilizing equipment and changing station etc. do this couple of times before offering to take baby alone.

Invite mum 3-4 months offer to help mum with baby if she needs a hair cut/nails done/ massage/ wants to go to a yoga class closeby. You hold baby or push baby in pram nearby while she does this. I would have leapt at this offer on my mat leave and felt so supported and able to trust anyone who offered.

You really do not want to push her away or fall out with her during these vital weeks or it could ruin your relationship forever. No woman forgets how she was treated during this vulnerable time.
(See my posts 'aibu to reduce contact with ex mil' and 'ex DP burnt my baby' to see how upset they both made me during my maternity leave!)

Please explain why you think it’s in the best interests of a 6 week old baby to separate him/ her from their primary caregiver for several hours?

Probably because the GF doesn’t want OP there.

I dont think it's in the best interest of the baby at 6 weeks old to be separated from the mother at all..so I would encourage him to visit in her home and build a bond with the baby. Then he work up to say, an hours walk out with baby, then an afternoon away from mums home,.etc etc until eventual overnights. And although they do happen earlier, honestly.i don't think it's in the best interest for a little baby to be overnight away from mum at all.

The mother does need to facilitate contact but little and often really is best for the child for the moment

This is a massive overreaction to what posters have actually said op, and to be honest you’ve only dug yourself deeper with it.

It does come across as though you really aren’t putting the baby first. The baby is tiny and needs mum’s comforting smell. Why is there a problem spending time at her house if she’s allowing it?

The baby is the only person with rights here. The parents have responsibilities. As the fourth trimester is essentially an extension of pregnancy, these responsibilities look different for mothers and fathers so encourage your son to stay in his lane. I said what I said.
IMO his responsibilities at this point include being where he says he’ll be when he says he’ll be there, buying whatever he said he’d buy for the baby, sending maintainance like clockwork, checking in regularly etc etc. He’s the dad. The guy they rely on to make sure mum can take the best care of baby. He’s not supposed to be stressing her out in any way, not for her sake so much as his child’s.
Why don’t you switch the narrative to using the opportunity to get to know the mother of your grandchild? The better that relationship goes, the better for the baby.

Honestly, at 4 weeks old I think this is reasonable.

The girl is refusing us access, unless its with her, in her house.

It’s very reasonable of her to offer any access tbh

surely you remember how hard it was yourself?
she has no husband or partner is financially unstable and basically a child herself… have some grace.

you should try and get to know her / be cordial and encourage your son to offer her support not make unreasonable demands of her

also calling her “the girl” is very dismissive.

sorry am i reading this right. you want a new mum to bring her newborn baby to YOU so the dad can have access?? 😂 You have even said.. shes met you twice!!! your a stranger to her and you want her to travel TO YOU to dump her baby off for a few hours.

Delusional.

Can you explain exactly how you have drawn these conclusions?

Just as an FYI, if your son actually lived with the mother of his child, he would be running home to you every night so he could get a decent night's sleep in order to be able to do his Big Bucks Job. So stop pretending this whole nonsense about access at yours is anything more than the pair of you wanting to treat the baby like a plaything in your house for a few hours each week.

Omg you are so beyond unreasonable!!!! Your son is not being refused access at all! The baby is 6WEEKS , of course you can’t demand to take baby away from mother.

Your son can see and have bonding time with his child at the mom's. That's pretty normal for a 6 week old baby.

I think poorly of those who try to separate young infants from their moms or primary caregivers. They don't have the baby's best interests in mind.

@Katypp

I actually agree with many of your points but surely you must see that taking a 6 week old baby from its mother for a few hours for the first time, is not in that child’s best interests?

This isn’t about mother vs father.
It’s about the baby, who happens to need its mum more than its dad right now.

Pretty much everything we've heard about him?

This isn't the hill to die on. Its a mess and you can prevent it from getting worse by just enjoying seeing the baby in his own home, near his mother. He won't want to be going to a different house a few hrs a week apart, it's in the best interests if the baby to have the visits at home. It's in the best interest of the baby to promote an at least civil relationship between his parents so viewing it as seeing him "under her eye" and she is there, is the wrong way to look at it, and of course she wants to be near.

Life is long and this little one has the longest time ahead, you son needs to take the time he gets and enjoy his child in the place his child feels most secure. And stop thinking of the mother of his child as an adversary. Before he knows it he'll be parenting a toddler 50/50, but only by putting these steps in place by being reasonable.

She isn't not allowing him access, she's using her common sense. The baby is only 6 weeks old and she is the baby's primary care giver. Why would you want to stress the baby out? If he wants to have 50/50 access then work up to it in a way that's best for the baby. He sees the baby with the mother for a few months, then gets a few hours at the weekend (which the mother will probably appreciate at that age!) and then gets more custody when the child is older if that's what he wants by then. That's usually what the courts suggest I believe. And, if he's serious about co-parenting, then paying for the child is a part of it too.

The baby is six weeks old. They want to take it for weekends. Did you miss that?

Son's ex WILL let him have access to their baby! If he wants to be a good co parent, he needs to start building up trust with her and making a parenting relationship and YOU need to get out of the middle.

I don't agree mothers are always right , fathers are always wrong and grandma counts for nothing. Every family in similar situations has their own unique set of circumstances. In this situation it's good advice for mum and dad to try and build bridges for babies sake and work with the mother of the child to help establish a healthy family dynamic. Grandma wading in expecting a newborn baby to be handed over for a few hours every weekend, at this time is unreasonable. I've seen first hand similar situations where grandma gets in between, doing it all for the son and daddy never learns to step up and mummy and daddy are constantly arguing , it's the child who suffers badly. Grandma could really help in this situation by respecting new mums wishes for current contact, building trust , encouraging her son to step up and get on with the mother of his child so the child can have loving happy family around him and thrive

For demanding a six week old baby be parted from its teenage mum for the weekend for your convenience? Yes you are

Perhaps the 'pile on' arose because the OP started off the conversation with a statement that wasn't true - in other words, a lie.

I'd suggest he tries to visit as often as possible, ideally most days if she'll allow, but for short times so it's not imposing on her.

While there he should try to always be the one changing nappies and feeding her, as much as the baby's mother will allow.

And even better if he can sometimes take along a meal for the mum, or check in advance whether some nappies or formula are needed.

And after a few weeks of that, ask to take the baby out for short walks. And so gradually build up until it's time for short visits to your house, and later on for overnight stays.

The baby won't know him from one visit a week, so frequency is more important than duration, for the baby's sake. And hands on parenting and practical helpfulness are important for a good relationship with the mother.

He could read a few books like "The baby whisperer" and "Wonder weeks" and anything else the local library might have. Not to tell the mother where she's going wrong, obviously! But to equip himself to be the best dad he can be.