Sons Ex wont let him have access to his baby

That's what you've chosen to get from the responses.

What they are actually saying is 6 weeks is too young for OP and her son to take the baby away for a few hours or weekends. The young mom has agreed to access it he comes to visit but he has chosen to only visit 4 times in 6 weeks.

As the baby gets older then yeah he can take the baby for a few hours, then weekends, then build up to 50:50. It's common sense, 6 weeks is too young but somehow you've interpreted it into the son is only there to provide money and she is restricting access etc.

If he truly plans to be an involved dad he should be going pretty much every evening after work to see his baby and help not sit at home and strop demanding that she allows him to take the baby home for a few hours.

It's pretty obvious that it's OP who wants access to the baby not what son. How actions don't show the actions of someone who wants to be involved in his child's life and this is all coming from OP and I'm not surprised given her immature responses here.

You come across as a horrible person and I feel for the young mom who now has to deal with you and selfish childish attitude.

You think it's fine for you to take a 6 week old baby to your hour for hours or weekends without the mother? Really? And your 19 year old who makes so much money that the baby doesn't lack anything can take care of the baby?

I hope the girls mom is there to support her and help her stand up to you.

You can use smiley faces to hide all you want we know it stings that pretty much everyone thinks you're an unreasonable twat.

He's telling his Mum that he wants lots of access.

His actions don't match up though.

He prefers to hold a grudge against his child's mother than seeing actually his child.

I once read on MN that people who use laughing emojis 🤣🤣🤣🤣 in online discussions aren't worth engaging with.
I think the OP proves that point.

I’m with you here OP. Your DS should be able to have his own time and space to bond with his baby and, as you say, learn to look after him. She is currently denying him that right and that’s not acceptable or fair.

Unless you’ve got dangerous animals or major health risks in your home then there is absolutely no reason why the baby shouldn’t be allowed come visit you there. Start as you mean to go on. Baby deserves to bond and spend time with both sides of his family.

If I were you I would the wheels in motion now and seek legal advice. Document all of your attempts to have time with the baby and any rebuttals.

Good luck!! X

He’s doing the right thing wanting access.

Its just too soon to take baby away from mum for more than a very brief time.

ETA the situation is less than ideal for all of them but they need to think about baby first.

Dad should accept the visits at mums house. Pushing too hard too soon may even shut that down. Not saying that would be right, but being a realist.

Send him round with a card of good wishes from you op. You don’t even know her: you might both have the potential to be friends in this child’s life if you give it a chance. Don’t start aggro with a hormonal new mum. Plenty of us think she’s in the right just now anyway.

I’m not sure. I had a baby with someone who I didn’t know very well, and had only met his family once before I gave birth. If they had demanded alone time with my 6 week old, I’d have felt really uncomfortable. I allowed them to come to my home and spend time with DD, and DD’s dad only had contact with her in my home until she was about 6-8 months. I’d leave him alone with her so he could have bonding time without me there, but I was BFing and couldn’t leave her for extended stretches of time. She started having overnights at about 10-11 months when she stopped feeding. I think if she’s allowing baby’s dad and family access in her own home then that’s not ‘refusing access’ at all.

So realistically your son isn't bothered he has a new girlfriend hence why he won't go there as she's jealous. It's you driving it which is good however your putting your wants of wanting the baby at your house above a new mum because quite frankly you don't care as you don't no her.

@LolaJ82 OP I didn’t read all the responses. And for full disclosure I have never been separated/divorced from the father of my children. But I have had 3 kids and none of them were away from me at 6 weeks old. Now I understand that not everyone feels the same way a but it does seem that she doesn’t want to be away from baby and sadly you have to respect that. For now as long as the baby is small he unfortunately has to go along with it. Is it ideal? No of course it’s not, but the reality is that the mum atm is not happy with it so you can’t force the issue. Also remember that she is also young (assuming she is the same age as your son) and that plays a part in her responses and obviously I don’t know her but at 6 weeks I was still very emotional and attached to my babies.

YABU to expect a six week old to be taken to the home of strangers to satisfy YOUR need to see them.

Would you have been happy for that to happen with your son when he was a baby? I have children a similar age. I know I wouldn't have allowed it, mine were away from me max an hour at 6 weeks!

Don't be ridiculous. You can't just take a 6 week old breastfed baby off for a few hours for you all to play with.
She's offered contact at her home which you don't want. Well you are going to have to compromise. At least she is being a responsible parent unlike the rest of you.

A court wouldn't grant a father access to a 6 week old baby for hours/days without Mum there.

He is choosing not to see his child much because he's in a mood with the Mum.

You must realise that MN fundamentally despises most men, what they do, dont do, try to do, hope to do, want to do.

I think your son is amazing for wanting more access and to be there for his child.

As i said get to a solicitor asap.

And i also think its great that he comes to you and has such a supportive mother.

@LolaJ82you are being too sensitive. A 6 weeks old baby needs to be close to his mother, not taken away for several hours. If your DS wants to see the baby then he needs to go to the mother’s home.

How about you show me evidence from OP's self damning posts as to why I should think otherwise? All her high earning son has done so far is throw money at his ex and the baby, and attended hospital appointments. Now the baby is actually here and the real parenting begins, he can't even manage a conversation on his own with the mother of his child. What is there to suggest he'd be fine with being woken up all night with a crying baby and going to work the next day?? Nothing.

What im getting from these responses is that your son's only job is to pay for it and accept limited access when she deems it.

I cant believe some of these replies. Get a solicitor ASAP and sort the access.

He's be shit on if didnt want access and is still shit on for wanting proper access.

This is why i tell my boys to always use protection. I feel for your son :(

Shocking.

As a mother yourself, you ought to understand that the baby needs to stay with its mother at this age.
You're so unreasonable in this.

The baby's needs are paramount.

Your son's responsibility to the baby it's to keep it safe and calm, not to remove it from its mother for a few hours.

When I was a new mother, I wouldn't even let my mother look after the baby for longer than two hours - and that was at eight weeks, when my husband and I went out to dinner. I was unsettled the whole time we were away from our baby, although I trusted my mum absolutely.

Sums it up perfectly oP.

its always the father that gets the raw deal

In what universe is it always the father that gets the raw deal? 🙄

Its not a bad thing for a father to want to bond with a baby that is their child - youve not liked the answers you received so have put words into peoples posts that just aren't there.

I was 31 when my 2nd was born and dad wasn't with me, he visited a few times, took his elder daughter out and it was about 4 months before he took baby with him for a couple of hours.

I would let him in the house and go upstairs and let him get on with it.

Its a delicate situation and letting go of a baby at this age is very hard.

Why not suggest he takes baby for a walk for 30 minutes and come back and slowly builds up the access time. Then the next thing is asking if she wants to go out and leave him with baby for an hour so she can get a coffee or nails done for example

it may appear to her you are swooping in and taking baby away, which for many mothers - not all, might be overwhelming.

baby steps

I’m married, planned children, really like my mother in law who is pretty competent with kids… and at six weeks I wouldn’t have been leaving my baby with her! I was breastfeeding which was different but at six weeks I wanted to be with my baby all the time, evolution designs it that way so maybe don’t take it so personally - I really don’t know anyone who was dropping off their kids at six weeks at other houses, they haven’t even gotten initial vaccinations yet? I think you are asking a lot and I understand your son wants to be involved with is great, but there is something about pacing and she doesn’t know you really at all yet.

Op is representing this is about the father getting access - which he is. Just not on his and OP’s terms, terms which are unsuitable for such a young baby.

As for those saying it was a “pile on”, until op lashed out at the responses it was predominantly just posters disagreeing. That is actually allowed .

why are you even arguing with the Mother over this?
If your son is refusing to visit the baby at her home in her presence and is running back to you to "fix" it for him, how do you expect the mother to trust either of you with the baby alone.

Lots of people on this thread have explained why the Mother might be uncomfortable with your suggestion - and said that the situation needs more gentle handling, but your anger with the mother, the way you speak about her comes across loud and clear. It probably does to her too. The way you speak about the baby, that your son has as much "rights" to the baby as she does... It's quite an adversarial way to talk about her. What about the baby's rights? It's a tiny human who depends on its main carer.
How is the way that you are approaching this ever going to solve anything?

Take a big step back . Think about the eventual outcome that would be best for the baby - two parents who are on good terms and can co parent together amicably.
Then think about how you could get to that stage.

It's hardly a hill to die on whether he sees the baby at her house or yours is it?
The important thing is that he sees the baby. And all three of you treat each other with respect and not hostility.