Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Who should message first on birthday?

153 replies

BdayQ · 20/03/2025 20:51

If it were say, Anne’s birthday and Anne had received a card from her MIL, would you expect

  1. MIL to message Anne first on her birthday to say HBD?
  2. Anne to message MIL first to say thanks for the card?
I’ll not say whether I am Anne or MIL, just trying to settle a conversation with
  1. DH because MIL should send message to say HBD and Anne claims she then would’ve said thanks for the card
  2. DS because Anne should message MIL to say thanks for the card and MIL claims she then would’ve said HBD

First world problems I know so fairly lighthearted and trivial, just wanted to see the general consensus as one person thinks the other was rude.

Wanted to change the poll question and responses but it won’t let me, so I’ll randomly assign

You are BU as MIL messages first

You are not BU as Anne messages first

OP posts:
DappledThings · 20/03/2025 20:54

I wouldn't give it any thought. I wouldn't think either were being rude by not messaging. It's not even vaguely a thing to think has an etiquette to it.

MyUmberSeal · 20/03/2025 20:53

I don’t message anyone on my birthday until they have messaged me, and then I reply and say thank you, and thank you for gift and card etc.

UpUpUpU · 20/03/2025 20:52

Does it really matter?