To ask your honest feelings about marriage

Listen to your gut.
Don’t get married.
Many marriages dont work out. My friend lost a pension she had paid into since she was 18 and half the equity in her house. She got burned given she was the higher earner.
As for him, he gave her nothing but a load of worry and an STI.

Don’t do it.

you have too much to lose and a high chance your marriage would end in divorce.

do all the other things eg mirror wills and discuss medical issues, next of kin etc etc. do it all apart from marriage.

There are some serious legal advantages to being married: tax breaks and benefits, but also very importantly if you or your partner dies without a will, the surviving partner will not receive anything automatically. Also much easier to contest an unfair will if married. Everyone thinks it wouldn’t happen to them, but is it really worth the risk of a huge legal bill when it could be avoided with a trip to the registry office in your jeans with two mates as witnesses?

I am happily married for over 30 years. No regrets, I would do it again.

But if you don't want to do it, then don't! No good can come of something you don't want to do.

I love being married.
we have been together 26 years.
we’ve grown up together.
we are a family.
My kids have their fathers name.
I have my name. It’s really not an issue.
we’ve been lucky over the years our parents have given us financial help. It all goes into the same pot. Anything beyond our mortgage is saved for our kids.
he’s been there for the good times and the bloody awful times.
we are family. He drives me nuts on occasion. But I love him.
I know I am lucky.
I don’t think I’d ever marry again though & I do have plenty of happily unmarried friends ☺️

I wish I'd had this clarity of thought with my first marriage. I had all the assets, was the (far) higher earner. In the end, when we divorced, after a very short marriage, and the judge decided our clean break settlement was inadequate, I wrote a 3 page missive (with spreadsheets!) as to why it was fair, and it was signed off.
I did subsequently remarry, with an equal partner, and the marriage was to protect our son, our contributions (on both sides), and to have that public celebration. Would I have done it with a partner who brought significantly less to the party? No.

I’m married, never changed my name. Have never felt suffocated. We’ve had ups and downs and feel we understand each other so much better now that the love is stronger (sorry if that sounds a mushfest but feel very lucky). Never thought about it in terms of business transaction. Each to their own. If getting married is causing you worry, then don’t.

Marriage gave me a needed feeling of security being the lower earner who did all of the childcare. Divorced now with adult kids and much more comfortable financially and I wouldn't get married in my current situation.

I think it depends on if you are meeting later in life or if you want to create a family with joint kids and share everything.

I'd do it for a hundred million, even if I had to hand over half that sum after the inevitable divorce.

I feel you. I'm thinking the same thing. I think this is a good argument to get married young. When I was young, dumb, broke and in love it would have been simpler.

That's nonsense, since when does love require financial stakes? Also, she could love him as hard as she likes, but that won't stop the real possibility that he could get bored and decide to cash-in.

Only do it if entering into the contract benefits you.

There's nothing romantic imo about marriage.

I got married because I wanted children and knew I would, as the woman, be most likely to be the one taking the career hit (this is statistically true although it didnt actually turn out to be the case with us after all) and I wasnt doing that without the contract that said if I spent years raising our kids and then he fucked off, I was getting half the house and his pension.

Basically if he fucks around then fucks off, goody's getting paid.

We've been married best part of 30 years now. We started out together with nothing.

I think that makes the decision easier.

You are wealthy and your partner is not. That's one reason not to marry. However, if one of you was giving up or reducing their ability to make their own money in order to support the family unit in other ways then they shouldn't do that without the protection of marriage.

As with many things it's a case of weighing up the pros and cons of your personal situation.

I have been very happily married for 34 years. I entered it with no doubts but did have a pre-nup because when we married DH had nothing but prospects and I had my own assets.

DH's career took off.

We were and are evenly matched: politics, religion, race, aspirations, etc.

I entered without a doubt. I still have no doubts. That being so, even when marriage is successful, there are challenges and compromises along the way and I don't think marriages with cracks or doubts at the beginning survive.

I have a happy marriage. If anything werento happen to DH, I'd never marry again.

We need to totally rethink marriage and take it back to it's real role as a legal, financial contract. People entering it need to understand what exactly they are signing up to but I would support more flexibility in what that legal contract contains. So you may legally sign up to a total sharing of finances or each paying a percentage into a shared pot etc. And it then needs to be resigned every 5 years but each partner can request a renegotiation at any time.

Married 25 years. Have never had any doubts about it. Feel very lucky

I earn more than my DH, have more savings and will inherit more. So, financially, it may not benefit me to be married, should the worst happen. But, weirdly, I think I'd be OK with that. I took my marriage vows seriously and would wish to play fair, should we separate

I feel that, for me, marriage is far greater commitment than living together. Others may disagree

But if you don't want to get married, then you shouldn't. End of

10 years ago I would have agreed but now I really don’t.
I was with the wrong person. Now I have my person. We have our ups and downs but the good times outweigh the bad times and I am equally as responsible when things go wrong.
I love being married and everything that comes with it. It takes time and patience but I’m happy.

Absolutely do not get married without a pre nup.

My approach to marriage was that it’s a decision to toss your lot in with the other. Dh and I have both brought significant money to our marriage. I honestly couldn’t tell you who had more over the years because we don’t count the pennies like that. But for me, the point is that we made a conscious decision to practically and financially support the other, hopefully for life.

You never know what life is going to bring your way. I have cancer and the nature of my treatment means I’m unlikely able to work for the next year and I left work last June. While I have received some sick pay from work, that has ended now, and all the responsibility falls on Dh to take care of me financially. Could he do this without marriage? Of course. But it’s the choice we made to fuse ourselves legally and financially.

I’d be pretty sad if he didn’t want to marry me because he was afraid I’d go after his money. While the decision not to marry may benefit you financially long term, I would worry if it would damage the relationship if your justification is all about money. I’m not sure I’d want to be with someone who thought so little of me. That doesn’t mean you should get married and it’s wrong not to. Don’t if you don’t want to. But be conscious of what it might mean you feel about your relationship.

I’m not sure what you’re struggling to make sense of.
I chose to give my kids his name and I chose to take it, no one was forced to do anything.

Yes, we could have given the kids and DH my name or double-barrelled them but we decided to take his. I have friends whose husbands took their name, would that be ok? Or is your issue just with women taking husbands names?

Tell him, it's not fair to keep up the pretence that you want to marry him.

Would you marry someone richer?

Don’t be ridiculous. A piece of paper isn’t proof of love and it’s totally unnecessary.

I’m married to my best friend, there has undoubtedly been very hard times but equally the best times together. He’s my safe space and even the times when I cannot stand to look at him, he’s the one I can’t wait to see at the end of the day.
Things may change in the future, who knows, we might grow to hate each other or somehow he may fall in love with someone else and we might split but that’s a bridge we hopefully won’t need to cross.

We got married because we wanted to, no second thoughts, no questioning or pausing. I would get married again in a heartbeat ( a much quieter and simpler wedding though)

If you’re unsure then talk to him about everything you’re thinking and feeling! Marriages are what you make them, you create the rules of what works for you, you don’t need to change your name, you could do a prenup , you get to decide what you want and if it’s marriage then great, if it’s a long engagement then that’s great too, as long as he is on the same page as you.

edited to add, he is a lot wealthier than me. He had a house and a very comfortable life but I did not. We now own a home together and he says what’s his is mine but I work incredibly hard to make sure I pay my own way and don’t rely on him.

If you’re the wealthier of higher income partner, getting married makes no sense at all. You will lose big time if things go wrong. Not a chance would I get married in your situation.

If you truly loved him you would be prepared to risk half of your wealth to be with him. Money can't buy love.